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Falling in love quickly?

(13 Posts)
oldfashionedgirl Sat 22-Mar-14 09:50:04

Does it ever end well?! grin

I haven't dated a lot but have been seeing a man I met on line for about a month now. We see each other a couple of times a week and get on well. It is just really easy and natural! He calls when he says he will and treats me well and I think about him all the time.

He has said he is falling for me and mentions the future a bit and I have met his parents twice. I promised myself that I would be sensible when I started OD and I am trying to follow the rules on the dating thread. I don't know if it is the age / experience difference between us that is showing itself.

The idea of being in love and trusting someone that much is terrifying in a way but at the same time I don't want to hold back too much and for him to think I am not interested. I am winding myself up and am probably making it all too complicated.

mymiraclebubba Sat 22-Mar-14 11:44:18

all you can do is go with the flow hun. if you enjoy spending time with him then keep seeing him and see how it goes!

my dp and i had known each other a long time ago and got together very quickly after my marriage ended (he had nothing to do with it might i add - ex was very EA). within 3 months we were living together and now we have a gorgeous baby. it can work and if it feels right you will just know i am sure

MadBusLady Sat 22-Mar-14 12:01:03

I would say hold your horses a bit but I find the fact that you've met his parents oddly reassuring. Have you met friends too? What I'm getting at is he doesn't mind other people who know him meeting you, so suggests he isn't putting on too much of an act.

Still no harm in taking it slowly though. Don't let him "tell" you how it's going IYSWIM, if he says he's falling for you that doesn't mean you have to be falling for him. If it feels a bit scary - and you are kind of saying it is - pull back. If he's decent he won't mind taking it slow.

MadBusLady Sat 22-Mar-14 12:05:14

I missed the age gap thing, how much older is he? Divorced?

oldfashionedgirl Sat 22-Mar-14 12:13:28

Almost 14 years older, divorced, one child that he sees a lot.

I met his parents after just less than 2 weeks. They were really nice but I was nervous. He was just totally normal though - not on his best behaviour but it was reassuring to see him with his parents. I haven't met his friends but we both work shifts. There isn't really any of that pretending or game playing. He says that he wants to spend time with me and is really nice.

I haven't dated much and the others were my age so it is kinda strange to have someone who is willing to be open that he is looking for something serious.

DrewsWife Sat 22-Mar-14 12:24:32

I was set up on a blind date at a village dinner dance.

I was furious but went anyway. 6 weeks later we got engaged. We got married last year. Been together 2 years and married 9 months wink.

Extremely happy. It can happen. Go with your instinct. If it's not right. Your brain will tell you. grin

MadBusLady Sat 22-Mar-14 13:01:21

Well someone who doesn't game play and is open about what they want is the very minimum standard you should be expecting, not a sign from the heavens that this is The One. I'm still getting that you think he's nice and you're flattered by his interest, rather than that you're madly in love with him, so go with that for now. Don't let him bounce you into committing more than you really want to just because he appears to want to.

HairyGrotter Sat 22-Mar-14 13:02:03

My DP met each other online, both just went with the flow, fell in love quickly, met friends and family quick also, moved in to mine after 4 months ,engaged after 6 months, about to get married in 5 months.

He's wonderful, and we work. We both communicated our fears and reservations about how society will see us as 'moving too fast' but we were both on the same page and we're extremely happy grin

oldfashionedgirl Sat 22-Mar-14 13:11:49

I could fall for him so easily but it scares me a bit. Not about him but more that I don't really know how to be in a relationship. When I am with him I don't have doubts but it is the gaps in between and when people say that it seems to be getting serious fast. I can just see difficulties in the future whereas he is sure that everything will work out but that is my personality.

It is good to hear positive stories for a change! The advice I get from (well meaning) friends is that I should hold back and be nonchalant when he asks if I can see him on a certain day. Oh and comments that it shouldn't be this easy.

MadBusLady Sat 22-Mar-14 14:54:49

I don't think you should hold back in a playing it cool way, I just mean you don't really know him that well yet. You are a valuable commodity if I can put it that way grin If he is decent he will understand you not instantly responding to wild declarations of love etc and be prepared to put the time in to convince you. Set a high value on yourself, only commit when you are really ready. Your friends care about you, they are not killjoys.

laurenlovely Sat 22-Mar-14 15:29:17

My xDP fell in love with me in 10 days. 3 years later he fell out of love with me in 10 days too.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, but I wish someone had pointed out to me back then that someone who does this might well have shallow emotions.

laurenlovely Sat 22-Mar-14 15:34:35

And incidentally, 6 months ago I could have written HairGrotters post.

We had wonderful years together, we were engaged, we were incredibly happy and well suited and I thought falling for him was the best choice I ever made.

I don't want to come across bitter and twisted. I know not all cases work out that way. It's just that if I were doing it all over again I'd take it all a lot slower and hang on to my heart until I'd really looked into the person, their relationship history, their emotional skills.

Some people can come along and sweet you off your feet.

oldfashionedgirl Sat 22-Mar-14 16:23:14

madbuslady Valuable commodity!! grin

There hasn't really been any pressure from him it is more the pressure that I put on myself. He said he knew it was fast but that he wanted me to get to know him properly and that there was no rush.

Most of my friends think I should be going on more first dates as it isn't possible to find someone decent on your first OD date.

laurenlovely That is something that does freak me out. I mean he is a good dad and a good son and has friends that he has known for years but I don't know much about his dating history.

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