Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Decision made, was it the right one?

(18 Posts)
Chocolatefiend99 Fri 21-Mar-14 19:31:08

Hi, I have never posted on here before however I am intrigued to know your views on my situation. I was with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. We had a long distance relationship but did have plans to relocate.

The first 3 months into the relationship he went on a short break and met a girl, got her number and sent her messages, offering her a place to stay when she visits the UK. I didnt believe anything took place but was quite upset. A few months later my boyfriend went to a wedding overseas with his friend, this was planned before we got together. Whilst there he met another girl, who he messaged alot, there were 70 texts in 4 days. His last text to her was "I will miss you, kisses". I also found pictures of them holding hands and with their arms around each other on the beach. My boyfriend's mum was adamant nothing more had happened. He is very social which I understand but this affected my trust. I took him on his word. However, over the last few years I found messages to girls saying "you look hot" or "can I have your number". He invites girls he doesnt know to be his friend on facebook. It is worth pointing on that he is 37 years old.

Just recently I found a message to a girl on facebook who said she would take to him later, he replied by saying "I'd like that x". After seeing this I finally realised that I could never trust him and would never feel like we were in a committed relationship, the distance didnt help matters either. I have ended the relationship.

I guess I am just looking for independant and unbiased views as his family told me to accept him for him, he would would never cheat. However, even if he didnt cheat him messaging girls was upsetting for me and humiliating, which was enough for me to end it. Was I right to end it?

Toohardtofindaproperusername Fri 21-Mar-14 19:46:20

Yes

KirstyJC Fri 21-Mar-14 19:47:44

Yes

scornedwoman67 Fri 21-Mar-14 19:50:00

No question. He clearly can't be trusted.

coffeecups Fri 21-Mar-14 19:55:46

Totally

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 19:56:05

Looks like you did.

Who had plans to relocate and when?

Chocolatefiend99 Fri 21-Mar-14 19:58:37

Hi, thank you for your replies

Tinks42 Fri 21-Mar-14 19:59:54

Yes of course if you want exclusive, if not and whats good for the goose is good for the gander then keep him around and do the same yourself.

Chocolatefiend99 Fri 21-Mar-14 20:04:17

Hi Lweji, he was planning to live and work near me, he applied for a few jobs and didnt get them. Definitely wanted exclusive Tinks42.

Tinks42 Fri 21-Mar-14 20:13:12

Then you made the right choice for "you".

Stripyhoglets Fri 21-Mar-14 20:18:12

Yes, no way would I accept this. It didn't make you happy so why hang around to not be made happy by this man for several more years. You have made the right decision. When someone loves you they don't do this to you constantly.

Minime85 Fri 21-Mar-14 20:18:43

yes

magiclife Fri 21-Mar-14 20:20:58

Right choice.

bellablot Fri 21-Mar-14 20:23:02

Yes you did. Why would he want so many female 'friends'. Trust your instincts.

Chocolatefiend99 Fri 21-Mar-14 20:28:26

I used to ask him what he hoped to gain from the messages, he said they were friends, which I couldnt understand as some he had never met, some lived abroad. It took me while to realise the relationship wasnt right, but at least we didnt have children or any other ties

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 20:35:24

He probably got an ego trip.

blathin Fri 21-Mar-14 20:38:28

Yes you did...he won't change.

Chocolatefiend99 Fri 21-Mar-14 20:50:59

I think you are right Lweji, he enjoyed the attention. It was interesting when he tried to say he would change not once did he say he wouldnt message girls or get rid of facebook he just said he would let me know who he was adding and to ask if it was OK. I didnt want to be in a relationship like that. When he went on holiday I would ask if he had met anyone or got anyone's number, he always said no, then I would find messages. I did contact one girls to ask what happened between them and she said nothing, he was a gentleman, even so it was still upsetting

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now