Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I over reacting

(45 Posts)
Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 18:35:10

Earlier today I asked my dh for help to move furniture as I ve had a long standing ( 10 yrs ) back problem. He began to ridicule me for my bad back saying like I sounded like some one we know who is a known hypochondriac, everyday a different illness. I told him he really upsets me when he does that as he knows I m in pain everyday with it and really rarely complain , he told me to stop being stupid and as I walked away I got a shock as something hit me on the back, I turned around and he had thrown a toy at me - it was a fairly soft toy but threw hard and he knows even a too firm touch really feels tender on my back.
I really feel angry at him now but he is playing it down as just a toy and he threw it gentle mucking about - I don't agree I feel it was thrown in temper and I can't bear to be near him - am I over playing this?

Nomama Fri 21-Mar-14 18:41:39

Tale a deep breath and SCREAM AT HIM!

I have much the same problem and if my OH said or did that I would absolutely have his guts for garters.

SCREAM at him, tell him it is not his to downplay and that you wouldn't expect a child to act as he did. Tell him he apologises and grows up or, what was that phrase, oh yes, fuck off to the far side of fuck.

CailinDana Fri 21-Mar-14 18:42:10

No. You are definitely not overplaying it. That is very nasty abusive behaviour.

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 18:44:52

I don't think you are.
He sounds very uncaring at least.

Regardless of your back problem he should have helped.
He shouldn't mock you, or make little of your health problems or throw things at your back. If nothing else because you can't even defend yourself.

Is he always like this?

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 18:45:54

... and fuck off some more.

Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 18:49:49

He does seem very child like at times going in a strop if anything upsets him , for example if I try to talk to him about anything serious he ll roll him eyes or sigh but if it's about anything he s interested in he ll chat for hours about rubbish.
I feel like I m always trying to keep the peace here and mostly he is lovely but sometimes I feel I wish I was alone.
Everytime he does something like this I m made to feel I over reacting. I do now feel I ve made too big of a deal when really I ve just kept away from him but he knows how bad my back is and any little thing will trigger it off

Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 18:52:21

While I m having my moan I may as well say I m the one who works, does all the shopping , bills, running everywhere with our 3dc . He takes care of the house a little and the rest of the time spends on his computers

CailinDana Fri 21-Mar-14 18:55:28

Normal behaviour would be for him to say "Of course love, you mind your back," and then mucked in. Or even, "no love I'm wrecked, sorry." Instead he made fun of you and was physically aggressive then told you you weren't allowed to be annoyed by that. What an utter dick.

CailinDana Fri 21-Mar-14 18:57:10

Why do you put up with that?

neontetra Fri 21-Mar-14 18:58:39

Horrible of him, OP, poor you. Really fucking out of order. Has he done physical stuff before?

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 19:01:18

I was going to ask what he brings to your life.
Let me guess, he makes you laugh sometimes and is a good dad (sort of, for the occasional play).

What would happen if you called him on it and he was in charge of housework and running around with the children?

I have to say he reminds me of my ex, who turned violent.

Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 19:03:00

Is this not just normal behaviour though and I m over reacting. Yes he has - a pillow in temper one morning when he was in a mood - once again I was over reacting as it was something soft so I was being stupid to complain.

Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 19:05:13

He is one of those who everyone loves , who is such fun and great with our kids so I would look crazy for making a fuss

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 19:11:36

It doesn't really matter why he does it or how innocent it may be. If you tell him not to throw things at you, he simply shouldn't.

Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 19:16:13

I know I really feel I m at the point of saying no more. He s just came up and apologized for throwing it but said he s not sorry for taking the piss as he was just having a laugh.
He knows I have loads of serious family worries at the minute and lots of work stress and I feel like I can't deal with his mood swings too anymore.

HorseyTwinkleToes Fri 21-Mar-14 19:18:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 19:26:39

He was having a laugh at your expense? Loving partners don't do that.

Did he move the furniture in the end?

Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 19:28:19

I know , thank you all for advice. I guess once you overlook it once it's easy to overlook next time then again. I guess I need to be firm this time and say no more.

wyrdyBird Fri 21-Mar-14 19:29:21

No it's not normal, it's cruel and stupid. No, you're not over reacting.

He can't even apologise sincerely, can he. And between times you're fighting to keep the peace, as well as working and running round after your DC?

Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 19:29:41

Yes he moved it he was just being a pain as I d wanted us to do a quick 10 minute tidy and he didn't want to

Sunshinesometimes Fri 21-Mar-14 19:34:03

Yes I do pretty much everything a typical day is up kids lifts to 2 diff schools, work , pick kids up , take to classes, do teas , put to bed , do our tea and collapse
His is up , back to bed for hour , hour tidy maybe, couple hours computer, eat , exercise, bed for nap or more comp

LoisPuddingLane Fri 21-Mar-14 19:42:58

Is there a reason for this, or is he just an incredibly lazy fucker?

tallwivglasses Fri 21-Mar-14 19:43:52

What a lazy arsehole. Cocklodger too. Give him a list of absolutely everything you do in a day in pain and ask him how his list compares to yours angry

CailinDana Fri 21-Mar-14 19:45:01

Are other people so important that you're willing to stay with this total loser so that they won't think you're crazy? Is what they think more important than your life?

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 19:45:42

Why doesn't he make tea, lunches for children, cleaning and so on? Who does laundry and the dishes?
I do think you need to set boundaries and be very clear about what you expect from someone at home, presumably funded by you.
It looks like you could well do it alone with more disposable income and one less person making a mess.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: