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Lost........anyone?

(10 Posts)
Justagirl27 Fri 21-Mar-14 18:27:44

So im going to be 35 this year, my husband is 37 next month... we got together in 96 and when we met he had to young girls and I was so impressed with the whole single dad thing, his girls had just turned 2 and 3....we have never had a problem since and to this day we actually are probably more in love than we were at anytime in the past....we married in 2000 when I got pregnant and we had a boy together....the next 12 years were absolutely a dream come true..one I never thought or wanted to come out of. His girls were mine, no questions or doubts ever asked. their biological wasn't in the picture due to abuse and they never met her nor wanted to...last we heard she was in prison for prostitution or something. Anyways. Him and I have been both blessed with great careers, we have strong family bonds, big partys we would host every weekend. I was a stay at home, so I walked the girls all the way through. My...well his oldest is now 19, she graduated h.s. last year and was enlisted in airforce immed. ASVAP 98% amazing. My....again of course his other girl is now 18 and a senior...for the past 2 years Ive been ill and have needed a lot of care medically and of course time out of everyones life to assist. Slowly but surely Ive lost all the respect and love that has been built over the past 17 years from my husband, his mother, my sister in law, and of course its stemmed down to what use to be MY GIRLS. Well just in the past 3months. The 19yr/Airforce....backed out and moved out of her new place she had with a couple friends and decided to jump on board and take advantage of her dads great income. She takes his car all the time and does EVERYTHING she wants, smokes weed in home, like I said completely backed out of AirForce, trashes my home that I Clean, and doesn't listen to him and thinks Im just a joke now due to my ill condition for so long. But her dad disrespects me so why cant she right....um no. His other 18/Senior, is no longer graduating and rides his coat as well. I mean unlimited weed/cigerettes, gas for his car... they rob him blind and he doesn't care what so ever and now I have no say and when I speak up well, they curse me out and act like im out of my mind, screaming, defiance, you name it. And when I put my foot down or try to put them in their place and make them remember who they are talking to with threats of kicking them out for becoming drug addicts and taking advantage of my funds and home. He actually gets upset with me for yelling at them. I really dont blame them for the behavior though, they have heard their Aunt and Grandma, and his friends all talk shit about me like Im completely worthless and just Pond Scum, with my husband not contradicting anybodys insults so, why should they have respect when Im just his chick he takes care of all of sudden and need to get on with my life and get out..they act like im nobody and so far from not the same person that raised them and gave them the Amazing fun Extremely financially lucky house and home and who they called MOM for 15 years straight. My husband apologizes behind closed doors, still bends over backwards for my every need with pleasure and treats me amazing as he always has. FOr some reason though when I get upset at the girls, he flips and I have no clue who he is......NOW 2 days ago, I gave the oldest basically orders to leave my home. She yelled at me when she found out I was going to a Dr. Appt at the same time she had already scheduled to take his car out to go party with friends. It blew my fuse and I got in her face. For some reason he thought I was going to attack her with my fist or who knows what which I have never ever EVER done. I actually have never punched a soul in my life and he knows it. But as he jumped in between his daughter and I and violently was in the act of tearing me away, I reached for her arm and next thing I know Im tossed on the ground and she had me in some sort of head lock. Her weight was on my neck as my crouch was in my face. I was being choked out and couldn't do anything by his daughter and as I heard him yelling at me to leave her alone, in stead of tearing her off me, all of a sudden I felt punches all over my body and I began to black out. His other daughter was right there and our 13 year old son was right there as well and for some reason took his side as if he was in the right and it was wrong at me to be yelling at her. She got off of me as I was touching death. And Left and so did my son, his other daughter and he said you need time to think, and they drove off. Im still in the Most shock I have ever experienced. I was confronted by the police when I went to get some air, and they took the report as I told it of course and took 23 pictures of welts all over my back and head, my earings got ripped out, I mean Litterally I got jumped and Im pretty sure that's what I felt. Non stop punches from who knows where, but couldn't have been from her cause she was choking me out. After I kicked her out due to the warrant for her arrest for assult was issued and I was in control cause I did nothing I confronted my husband and laid down some new rules on how these girls perform. I immediately wanted to know who else was hitting me and I pulled it out of him that he was. Today I flinched when he came near me for the first time in our lives together and he became upset because of my fear that I shouldn't have. I told him, Im scared and He says, "Oh Ya, Like I hurt You!","It only happened once!" with attitude. Im still in shock and my head is still spinning and my body is bruised head to toe. I don't want to press charges on him as well, but he admitted to it. Im lost...............if you understand my panic typing and fear, please help. Should I let life just go on.....hes never laid a hand on me before but I got the crap beat, I mean BEAT out of me and he seems to think. He has no reason to lie and If I want to press charges he has no care of loosing his career or anything. Is this some type of middle age insanity that happens to men or what????

Deathwatchbeetle Fri 21-Mar-14 18:44:25

In your shoes I would leave the fucking lot of them. Yes, even the kid you had with this man-none of them helped you. They are not worth the shit under your shoe.

Thebluedog Fri 21-Mar-14 18:45:10

I'm sure others with more experience will be along soon.

But I really think you need to make him leave whilst you look after yourself. You've been assaulted. I'd also ring the police and tell them hes admitted to assaulting you and he should be charged also.

You should never be made to feel afraid in your own home. Kick them out! Do you really want your children (the ones who didn't assault you) to think it's ok to abuse people like that!
So sorry OP. hmm

I too was assaulted in my own home last week by by 'd'h, I reported him to the police and he's currently staying at a relatives home. Because my children were at home I refuse to let them think it's ok to treat people like this. I don't care it's the first time. It will be the first and last time I'm treated like that in my own home!

Deathwatchbeetle Fri 21-Mar-14 18:45:20

Is there anyone you can stay with??? A friend or family member (yours not his lot).

Deathwatchbeetle Fri 21-Mar-14 18:47:58

Please press charges. This is never ok.

Justagirl27 Fri 21-Mar-14 19:15:59

all My family is in Texas and Im in AZ, But my 13yr old who no longer respects me as his mommy dearest as he always has since birth and I feel that I need to be here to fix that and be able to get the drama out and them out cause they had their fun and they have been actually robbing him of his child hood. He hangs out with his older sisters all the time and Ive caught him smoking weed in the house with no care of repercussion. I feel he is the product of his environment though. I still get mostly disrespect from him but, if I weren't so Furious all the time at the girls when he wants to come ask me some outlandish question and gets the same attitude he feels that if Im yelling at him, he can yell at me.....lol.......The house has been complete chaos and now that Im actually rebuilding my health for the first time in almost 3yrs and feel my self again like I did when I ran this house hold with ease that if it was just him I needed to deal with I could put him right back to where we were. He needs me...we have always been close and with as much care and burden Ive put on the home. I don't want to go out of state and leave him to jump in with his sisters and live the dream life of an irresponcible teen. and there is no way he would part from his dad either. At this point he claims he is scared of me, cause all I do is yell and hurt his feelings. Hes so lost and its all my fault for the negligence the I actually caused to my body and ended up sick.......I don't know. Im still in shock. I made love to my husband last night as I lied down next to him only for the reason the my back was spassing out with incredible pain. the moment he moved his head an inch towards mine It clicks and were off. Weve actually gotten better at it over the 18 year time, when ANYONE ive ever known...GirlFriends, aunts, EVERYBODY That Ive come across to be married this long, report how it gets worse and worse and less and less. We do have this bond that has us spending 99% of all our free time together enjoying ourselves to the fullest Like we were 18 again. But when it comes to me setting altamadums for his girls he cant hear and Changes....its so weird. I used to have full control and we saw eye to eye on everything and anything till I got sick and have been struggling to get back to anykind of work, and now that im getting better and am not going to stand for this, just like I wouldn't have with health. And they now decided to not make anything of their lives and that is perfectly ok to him. He is protecting them as if Im speaking to his 10yr old perfect little princess that I made up everyday. In the tones I do and with the anger that I do. And he honestly felt like I was going to Fight her and start throwing punches...He wants to be everything I am telling him I need him to be again. But they/girls came by the other day to pick up some of their stufff. and didn't say anything and neither did he. When I mention something that my son says to me that normally he would address and set straight, we dont see eye to eye on that either, he thinks im just filled with anger and cant stop taking it out on the kids.....But I am cause they all are treating me like I showed up sick and have lied in bed chilling while he works his ass off and Im not and all I do is yell at everybody for no reason.....because of course he was raised to worship me, just has his dad does me and his momma. But now if I want him to address something my son did or said to me that I don't like Im still having to convince him of why!!!! Like he doesn't know. Im sorry Im running in circles now....but really when I see his eyes, I feel like its some kind of brain damage that he has incurred from the pain and anguish of me being sick......its really weird and as I can barely read my typing due to my tears, I really feel like just ENDING THIS SIMULATION BS......see and I talk this kind of nonsense way too much nowadays due to the years of insults and disrespect that Im having to EARN back???!! I don't think so... AND WERE ALMOST DONE, MY SON HAS 4 YEARS AND HES GONE...HE HAS BIG PLANS... WE ARE SO READY FOR EACH OTHER ITS NOT FUNNY. FIIRST TIME ALONE SINCE WE MET AND WE CHERISH EVERY MOMENT WITH EACH OTHER...........................................I JUST WANT TO WAKE UP ALREADY CAUSE THIS IS TOO MUCH.....I MEAN IF I WERE TO HAVE SEEN A LOVE ONE MURDERED IN FRONT OF MY FACE....I WOULD IMAGINE THAT IS ABOUT THE SAME KIND OF SHOCK IM IN

Lweji Fri 21-Mar-14 19:22:26

Press charges and get an injunction. See a doctor if you haven't yet.
If you can't get hold of a solicitor at this time, contact ncdv.

Stay well away from them or make sure they can't get in the house.

Take care.

Deathwatchbeetle Sat 22-Mar-14 07:07:53

Stop making love with your husband (love? where is the love??). You are telling him without words that everything is ok, whtever he says and his family does, you will still be there to fuck.

You need to report this assault. I am afraid your son has picked up on the family's total disrepect for you. At 13 it is already too late-he has seen and heard too much - he probably already thinks women are for hitting and disrespecting. Nothing will change whilst you are in that house, except it might get worse.

Chickens123 Sat 22-Mar-14 13:08:03

Contact a crisis line if you need to to get somewhere safe you are not already safe. Get an injunction press charges and get this fucker out of your life ( well all of them) once a man lays a finger on a woman it is never the last time. Once is one time too many.

bestsonever Sat 22-Mar-14 13:40:11

Oh so cherished you must of felt as your DH was beating the crao out of you. Loved deeply as he took their side against yours right or wrong. Wake up! You will not have a life that is a bed of roses once alone with a wife-beater, what you will have is less witnesses and perhaps noone to pin you down to make his job easier. Is this post for real? Was this illness psychological in nature? From what I can tell between your son and your man's welfare it's your DH you are putting first and now can't wait till your son leaves, in 4 years, having messed up his life rather than protecting him - wrong choice all round. Leave with your son, or stay with only your son and kick the rest out. Kids before your sad and desperate need to hang onto a nobhead always!!

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