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Relationships

I think my xDP might be a psychopath or something?

88 replies

laurenlovely · 21/03/2014 13:20

I am sorry if this is long I will try and make it as short as possible and can fill in more detail later if needed. Please would anyone be able to give me some opinions on the crazy change in behaviour of my xDP. I think there’s a chance he might have some sort of serious mental health issues and was wondering what the people here think.

We had a very good relationship, no problems I was aware of, happy home and no drama in our lives.

Throughout the relationship he was the “perfect” man. Nothing was too much trouble, he was really in love with me, treated me so well, huge romantic gestures all the time, was a great stepdad to my kids and just seemed to do everything right. Nothing at all amiss in the relationship, he seemed like Price Charming. My friends and family loved him, my kids loved him, everyone kept telling me I’d found a keeper and never to let him go.

Then 8 months ago he very developed severe depression after the death of his Dad and he changed. Came on very suddenly over a month. He, never went out, he became angry and snappy, he could not get out of bed and in the end he said he needed to be alone and moved out after giving me only 24 hours notice that he'd decided to do this. I was upset, but his depression seemed really severe to the point I was worried he would kill himself so I was supportive.

His depression had all the symptoms you usually expect from what you read about it but he was also quite an angry and started to say and do nasty things for seemingly no reason other than spite or lashing out. He became irrational too, once picking a fight with me over him needing to change travel plans 2 years ago due to my Nan having a stroke. It was really odd and nothing like the docile person he was before.

For six months now I have been helping him financially, talking to him every day, holding his hand when he felt really depressed, supporting him emotionally, driving him to docs appointments, doing his ironing, cleaning his flat and looking after him in general.

All this time he has been attributing his mean behaviour to being depressed and he has said he loves me but was really struggling to cope with life and that me standing by him was keeping him going. He kept saying he couldn't cope with a full blown relationship in his state but he was asking me to wait until he got better because he did not want to lose me.

Then at the weekend, I went on a night out with a mutual friend and some wine got flowing and her lips got loose. She told me that behind my back he has been telling friends he left me because I was a compulsive spender and we had been arguing and having problems. This is all completely not true. He was the compulsive spender and I was always trying to reign him in. He also has been saying behind my back that we are never getting back together, that he is not depressed and that he only stays in contact with me because I am upset and finding it hard to move on.

I was really angry and showed her his messages on my phone which confirmed my story and she was shocked. Because he is known as Mr Nice Guy and he is so well thought of by everyone we know my friend confessed that most people we know think I was “making up the depression” to make myself feel better about being dumped. I am apparently being called a bunny boiler behind my back :)

I then checked the credit card statement and saw that he joined up on match.com and plenty more fish less than a week after leaving me with his “depression” and needing to be alone.

I then turned super sleuth and checked his phone and computer and found out he's put photos of us having sex on the internet on a website used to pick up women for casual sex.

I confronted him about all this last night (I had all the evidence printed off) and he denied it first, then said he didn't have to justify himself to me. I said to him that I'd been taking care of him and he'd been begging me to wait for him and he said that he didn't want to be with me and me checking up on him proves that I am a psycho stalker. He had no remorse or guilt at all over any of it.

I feel really bamboozled. He has the whole world believing lies about me. I could easily send evidence round to show he is a liar, but this seems immature and embarrassing. I can’t stress enough how well this guy is thought of by friends and family. He even had me fooled and I lived with him.

Is he just severely depressed, or is this man a psychopath or something more serious?

Also, what should I do? Walk away?

I feel funny even saying this because up until now I completely believed he was a great guy with no faults. His lies haven't been small ones it's more like he says the opposite of the truth and I feel a bit scared of him.

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Whocansay · 21/03/2014 13:26

Walk away? Run! He sounds unhinged and spiteful. Cut him completely out of your life and block him.

Most people will be able to see through the nice guy act. Whatever he is, you cannot help or change him, and he is not your responsibility.