I've been on two dates with a man who contacted me OD. We hit it off immediately on the first date, enough for both of us to want to meet again (which we have). Second date was really good and we got on very well. There's a spark there which isn't, for me, based upon his appearance (although I am attracted to him too IYSWIM) So far he's interesting, funny, unpretentious, clever, considerate (yes, did the waitress test) and up front about why he's dating - he says his goal is to find a committed relationship, which is mine too. He would like to marry again (I wouldn't and was honest about that).
He also volunteered upfront why his marriage broke down some years ago. He had an affair which ended before his DW found out. He made no excuses, didnt blame-shift, says he wanted, and tried, to save the marriage and make up for the pain he'd caused his DW and DC's but the situation was irretrievable. I got the sense he was telling me this now to gauge my response (which was, to say the least, ) and because he wants me to know the truth from the start. He repeatedly said he will never make that mistake again (well, he's hardly going to say otherwise obviously).
That piece of information has altered my view of him, yes, but I'm not sure in which direction. I'd say, on the one hand, he's the real deal so far but on the other he was (is?) capable of deceit on an epic scale. Other than that theres no 'mirroring' no love-bombing, no fast-forwarding, no pressure of any kind but, rather, what feels like a desire to get to know me on my terms (and there will be no other way if I proceed). I like him so far but I don't like what he did and made that really clear.
So - I'm no fool, it's only been two dates and that's no time at all. If I never saw him again I'd be but at the same time I respect that he told me at the start.
I guess I'm seeking some views. This kind of scenario tends to generate split responses from "once a cheater.." to "people make mistakes.."
Some of you will remember me and my first (last) dating mistake and I'm not that woman any more - I'm a fairly seasoned MN'er now!
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Relationships
Your opinions please? Dating a man who was unfaithful.
akaWisey · 21/03/2014 08:49
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