Possibly the longest post on MN and I'm still
Missing out loads. It's just years of crap.
Been with DP since Early teens. He's all I know.
But I think I'm realising that I am fighting a battle I will never win and it's destroying me.
I've always stayed because of DS and their relationship and put DSs happiness before mine, but now that just isn't the case. As DS has got older DP is finding it harder. He is only four, bless him but DS seems to think now he goes to school he should know better. He sees him for 15 minutes a night, he only has to help out with bed time (which he insists I keep DS up for) only for it to turn Into him shouting at him for something tiny. He thinks he's naughty, he really isn't. He's not an angel, but he's just a normal cheeky 4yo. He doesn't give him any warnings his shouting is so harsh and sudden it even makes me Jump. He says he won't do story time now etc etc and storms back down leaving DS in tears over trivial every day issues you get with young children. I am left almost every evening with the decision to go and comfort my DS or follow through with DP so I don't have to face the music.
Of course, I go and comfort DS. How could I not. I always tell him to say sorry if he has shouted at DP but he only learns it from DP anyway. Then I face the music of 'you're too soft, why do I bother trying to help anyway' and all the names under the sun. It makes me feel awful. I think I am a good balance as a parent. I do timeouts and sticker charts and the odd bribery! I just cannot stand shouting or aggression or 'I'm taking away absolutely everything' the other day he told DS he couldn't have a story, toys or telly. I said to him what do you want a 4yo to do if he can't read, play or watch his programmes.
If we have a family day out and DS has a tantrum over say something he doesn't like on his plate - it Turns into the end of the world for DP. He just escalates the tiniest things into these massive horrible atmospheres and he tells DS he's ruined the day :-( it breaks my heart.
Anyway - that's the reason I'm wanting to leave now. Because once DS isn't happy there is no point, is there?
For me, he doesn't help with anything. We both work, he does do more hours but he has never cooked a meal or cleaned a plate or helps out when I'm ill. Last night I made dinner which was a big meal, lasagne and salad and he asked me to put some chips on with it for him. I totally forgot in-between ironing and making lunches. I said 'oh Shit I'm sorry I forgot to put the extra chips on.' And I get head shaking and tutting and 'I knew you'd forget' he's just so ungrateful and rude. If he takes the bin out one day he mentions it like he's expecting an award.
He's been unfaithful plenty of times. I forgave. I don't bring it up but it still eats away at me especially as I know two of them.
I've had miscarriages and never felt support from him. They tore me up inside. Confused me. we TTC for 9 months at a 'happy point' In our relationship and i then decided i no longer wanted to anymore I decided to look into contraception. The day after this Discussion I found I was pregnant. I was shocked and scared but he reassured me saying he was excited and it will be nice. The times I have miscarried life has been stressful so he knows I don't want to be stressed. And I really need some emotional support right now But it seems ever since I found out it has been so stressful and emotions are just crazy to him. He's started going out more. I don't mind him going out as I enjoy the telly to myself and some peace. But this time was his second weekend in a row and I've been suffering a lot of anxiety with this pregnancy. I've been having panic attacks so I asked him to stay. He wouldn't. He wanted to go out with the same guy he sees at work 12 hours a day and we had over already that week. The next day was meant to be his only day off with DS he promised to take him to the toy shop and he didn't. He stayed in bed till 4pm.
I brought him up on this and said it was unfair on DS to promise something he was looking forward To very much and then not do it due to a hangover. He shouted at me, said I was mental if I thought that was letting down DS and this is why he wants to go out because he can't deal with me and how mental I'm being with this pregnancy. This broke my heart and made me wish I never told him I was suffering anxiety. He used it against me.
He's had a lot of shit that I've stood by him through and it's all been stuff he's brought on himself but I've been there through thick and thin and he couldn't support or stay in one night to just give me a cuddle whilst I'm pregnant.
I know I have to leave. I just don't know how.
I'm scared to post this, I know I must seem like the biggest doormat in the world. I just wanted a family for DS. I've tried so hard, and it's draining me. I have nothing left to give. I've begged him to go to anger management and he said he is embarrassed, I told him to at least read a book about It, a self help one and he won't. EVERYDAY I stay calm when inside I am raging to try and teach him how to parent and help him to understand how is parenting effects DS. Sometimes I get through and he takes it onboard and apologises but the next time is the same as before.
I just have nothing left to give? What do I do? What can I do?
I don't know what to do. I earn buttons. I tell him
I will leave sometimes and he thinks I'm joking. He says I never would. I have failed DS, haven't i and now I have a second on the way,
Poor kids. FFS. I only want support someone to make me realise that this will never work no matter how hard I try because all I've done is cling on to hope he will change. He just doesn't want it as much as I do.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I just don't know how to do this
14 replies
RedandChecker · 20/03/2014 20:43
OP posts:
Pleasejustgo ·
20/03/2014 21:46
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.