Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Constant tit for tat about money with exP.....why??

(13 Posts)
louby44 Thu 20-Mar-14 19:55:24

As many of you know split from exP in Dec he moved out in Feb.

I'm still living in the house owned by us both. We have split the mortgage plus a loan we have together but I am paying the bills, not easy as it's a large 5 bed house but I'm ok, just. House up for sale.

When we split he set up a BT Sport package so that he could watch football 24/7!!! I didn't realise that it would cost more money and as BT is in my name it was put onto my bill, £15 jumped to £39 a month DD.

He met his new woman and decided to move out so I cancelled BT sport straight away. I still have had to pay the first £39 and he has refused to reimburse me. Now he's saying I owe him money because I cancelled it.

Infact he is obsessed with what he's paid for, what I've paid for. He obviously thinks he can get at me by withdrawing money and threatening not to pay for things.

He's moved on, moved out, loved up so why???

Nomama Thu 20-Mar-14 20:36:06

And breathe.

Why? because he can... he is wound up that you are not a mascara'd mess collapsed in the middle of the front room screaming for him to come back.

Because you are managing money, sorting stuff out. You are not helplessly bemoaning his newly loved up status.

Hunni - you have damaged him in ways you cannot imagine. His pride, sweetie, his pride. Oh, and you, you fat cow, are living in that heeeeeeuuuge house whilst he and his new bint are not... and you are forcing him to sell his beautiful heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuge gaff and stealing half of his money.

And other such daft stuff.

Sod him. Practice your light smile, the one that really isn't covering an outright laugh, the one that (with the practice) reaches your eyes and looks and feels really natural. A smile really throws people who want to be angry or superior, it completely discombobulates them.

Smile... and move on.... the best revenge is to live well, as they say!

Good luck

Nomama Thu 20-Mar-14 20:37:37

Ooops!

May I apologise for the 'fat cow' phrase? I didn't think it through... I was too much 'in his mindset' to mind my manners.

louby44 Thu 20-Mar-14 20:44:12

Lol...no offence taken.

I think you've hit the nail on the head...it goes deeper than that though. I sold the car (finance in my name) but he was expecting some money from the sale, there was nothing.

I have £100k in equity in this house. He can't touch it. He will have £5k once we sell that I'm giving him - only way to get rid of him and to get complete control over the sale of the house - all drawn up by the solicitor.

He hates that I'm in control. Only way he can get at me now is via money.

he's just text me to say he'll pay the Green Thumb bill and deduct it off his mortgage payment next month (it's bloody £15) he wanted a rise from me...I replied "thanks" - ha!

Money is all he's interested in, mainly because he hasn't got any!

elliebellys Thu 20-Mar-14 22:45:10

Because he ,s a dick louby.:-)

louby44 Fri 21-Mar-14 17:32:08

That's what I call him. Infact his name on my phone when he rings is The Dickhead

HowLongIsTooLong Sat 22-Mar-14 16:13:45

Sorry it is so hard for you louby - the money stuff can be so awful.
It's true what they say, the financial discussions can get all mixed up with emotions and control. Have also been through through exP withdrawing joint money without asking and arguing over little expenditures etc (while he merrily spends loads on himself).
I am aware that the money discussion presses a lot of buttons for me too (resentment about our situation and me following him abroad for five years and taking care of the DC while he progressed his career and built up a nice little pension package). We have already had a number of nasty arguments about it.
The sooner we can reach some kind of clear agreement the better, but it seems it is not always easy to cut off.

Sidetracking a little bit, but was just wondering if your ex gives you any maintenance, apart from contributing to the mortgage?
I and exP are also sharing the mortgage and I am staying in what was our family home with the two DC (we have equal equity in the property and have no plans to sell yet).

We need to sort out what maintenance he pays and while he already pays half the mortgage as well as renting his own place, I feel that some kind of maintenance package to contribute to living costs with the DC makes sense and is fair (we split time with them 70/30 tops and he is away for work for weeks at a time - total of at least 3 months a year).
He earns substantially more than me, by the way.

louby44 Sat 22-Mar-14 17:45:09

My exP isn't my children's dad. I get financial support from exH and always have done. Infact he's been brilliant since I split from exP, very supportive and helped me with practical stuff in the house.

No, once the house is sold and all debts paid off I won't ever have to have anything to do with him again. Apart from a bit of contact with his 2 DD whom my boys and I miss terribly.

My exP is very money driven, we had a good standard of living and I think that's why he stuck it out for so long because of the status he had with a nice house, holidays etc we both earnt a similar amount!

He's renting with his girlfriend now so money may be a bit tight but at least she can share the load,

elliebellys Sat 22-Mar-14 18:24:13

Have you managed much contact with the girls louby?.

louby44 Sat 22-Mar-14 19:46:35

We're in contact via text. It was DSD birthday on Tuesday, she was 16! I can't believe it, she was 10 when I met her dad. The boys and I sent her cards and a bit of money, she text to say thank you and that she cried when she read our cards.

We are going to try and meet for lunch in the Easter holidays, they live 40 miles away.

I really miss them and am surprised how much. They were a big part of our lives. The boys talk about them a lot.

elliebellys Sun 23-Mar-14 11:17:25

Thats nice to hear louby.bet idiot doesnt like that your still in contact with them,but must be nice for you to know that it wasnt you causing all the problems in the past:-)

BertieBotts Sun 23-Mar-14 11:19:36

I think you just have to try and ignore it and not engage. Don't let him pay bills etc - just say "No thank you I'm managing fine"

louby44 Sun 23-Mar-14 14:46:08

ellie yes he won't like it!! he was the one who couldn't cope with my DC, he hardly tried it was all half hearted! Enough to look like he was bothered but just not quite enough!

The kids facetime each other a lot and keep in touch via facebook. be nice to see them!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now