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worried about dps drinking.(7 Posts)
I am really worried about my dps drinking, we both like the odd glass of wine/beer with our meal or after dcs go to bed but usually just share a bottle of wine at the most (probably more if we are on a rare night out)
recently dps drinking seems to be spiraling our of control. for example we went shopping last week, whilst we were there we bought a box (24 cans) of lager because we are having guests next weekend and they were on offer. yesterday I was tidying the cupboards in the utility room and found the empty box in the cupboard no cans left.
We also bought a litre bottle each of gin and vodka, we had a drink on Tuesday night, I had one vodka and he had a gin, I opened both bottles and broke the seal so they were obviously new. This morning I have found the empty gin bottle in the kitchen bin, not broken no spillages so he has drank 24 cans of beer, 3/4 of a bottle of wine and a litre of gin in less than a week. surely this isn't normal (especially a litre of gin over two weekday evenings)
I mentioned it last night (before I knew about the gin) and he basically made out I was trying to stop him drinking and was boring because I didn't want to have a drink with him (I'd had one drink but don't like having too much incase the children need anything in the night and because I need to be up to get them ready for school.
I really dont need this right now
Do you think he is an alcoholic?. He is saying all the usual things that alcoholics actually say (re accusing you of being boring and trying to stop him drinking). Its all about him really; like many posts of this type it is mainly about the alcoholic. You have hardly mentioned how you feel and I think you feel pretty much rotten and confused.
I would be talking to Al-anon in your particular circumstances and if you cannot attend meetings, at the very least read their literature. You need to understand that you are playing roles in this ongoing situation as well.
The 3cs re alcoholism are ones you would do well to remember:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this
You cannot help anyone who does not want to be rescued and or saved; you can only help your own self here. You also cannot even begin to protect the children from the realities of his alcoholism; they will notice all your reactions at home even if unspoken.
What do you want to teach them about relationships?. A household where one parent is alcoholic can long term leave the children with a whole host of emotional problems which carries forward into their own relationships as adults.
"he basically made out I was trying to stop him drinking and was boring because I didn't want to have a drink with him"
That's a fairly standard alcoholic response. i.e. they don't have a problem, you're just a killjoy. As is drinking in secret. I'm sorry you're in this situation because the prognosis is not good.
thanks for your replies. if this is only a recent thing can he really be an alcoholic? we both enjoy a drink it just seems that he has been drinking excessively over the last week.
Will have a talk later. things have been quite stressful recently so maybe it is just his way of dealing with things??
It's very difficult for someone to go from being a 'normal' level drinker to drinking the thick end of 2 litres of spirits and 24 cans of lager in the space of a few days. So I suspect this is not as recent a thing as you think. He's just hidden it better prior to now.
He's always like to drink by the sounds of it but unlike him you can stop; he cannot and continues to drink.
Alcohol is truly a cruel mistress and alcoholism is a family disease. It does not just affect the alcoholic.
Talking to him will be a complete waste of time and effort because he does not see he has a problem with alcohol. He's already told you that you are boring because you did not want to drink with him.
Do not make excuses also for him by saying he is stressed. You are already worried about his drinking. Many people too are stressed but you're not abusing alcohol like he is. Using alcohol as a crutch for dealing with life's problems is never a good route to go down either.
You cannot help him but you can and should help your own self here. Talking to Al-anon would be a good start.
He's not hiding it though? Is this the first time you have noticed he's drunk so much? As Cogito says, it's a big leap to sharing a bottle of wine with you to knocking back litres of gin/vodka. And a large volume of beer. That suggests he's been doing it for some time.
Personally, I think you need to talk to him. And see if he will change. DH voiced his concerns over my drinking habits over one awful, horrendous weekend a number of years ago. As a result I reformed my drinking.
The thing that needs stressing most is that he needs to listen to you, accept he's drinking too much, and be prepared to change.
Otherwise you're in for a very stressful time.
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