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i want to get dh out of house, or get away from him

(15 Posts)
sadbuttryingmummy Thu 20-Mar-14 10:38:55

we are not getting on at all

at the very least i need a good break from him or divorce

i want to get away from him

we have a young ababy so it would be difficult for me to leave as everything we need is here

he doesnt really have anywhere to go nor do i

only thing i can think of is aking him to go and stay in a premier inn or something for a while or to rent out a small place

last night he threw somethign down the stairs in a stroop and this am he kicked the washing basket
as it was full of clothes that were clean and dry yet i hadnt had chance yet to put away

i just really want to get away from him

whattodoforthebest2 Thu 20-Mar-14 10:41:41

Have you talked about the problems you're both having? Have you considered counselling? Have these issues been arising since the birth or before then?

sadbuttryingmummy Thu 20-Mar-14 10:43:06

yes weve tried talking

he wont do counselling, hes not a very open person.
puts on an act in front of others

got worse since birth

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 20-Mar-14 10:52:28

I would suggest you call Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 today. They can and will help you here.

Abusive men often escalate their abusive behaviour when the first child is born.

Joint counselling is never recommended in such circumstances and he would not attend anyway.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Mar-14 10:55:49

I'd also suggest you contact Womens Aid for advice. His behaviour is aggressive, unacceptable and you need asssistance.

VenusDeWillendorf Thu 20-Mar-14 10:56:42

Call women's aid, ASAP.

Don't think about joint counselling, he sounds abusive.

Hope you're ok, keep us posted.

sadbuttryingmummy Thu 20-Mar-14 14:43:14

how can they help, i dont want to go in a hostal
i want him to leave or me to leave
if i leave i want to leave into a normal place even if its just a small flat

if i can get a deposit from somewhere and rent a place would i be able to claim housing benefit to cover the rent

ive told him throwing things is not on ad that, thats it now

he said i didnt throw it AT you

it was a razor he threw down the stairs

sad

just really want to get away from him

hellsbellsmelons Thu 20-Mar-14 14:52:25

Womens Aid won't put you in a refuge if you don't want that.
They can however help you with who to contact and what steps you need to take to separate from this man.

He sounds abusive and Womens aid can help you. Try them as a first port of call.

sadbuttryingmummy Thu 20-Mar-14 14:59:13

would i have to give them my real name and details

tbh id rather just leave him and sort this out myself

because he hasnt hit me, i cant imagine they or the police would be able to make him leave and stay away

so i cant see what they can really do tbh

i just want to leave or him leave

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Mar-14 15:25:16

As said above, Womens Aid aren't just there for women who are being beaten up and need refuge. They are very good with advice on how to achieve just what you say i.e. getting him to leave or you leaving with the baby safely. They can advise you all kinds of things from legal to police to accommodation. Please call them

sadbuttryingmummy Thu 20-Mar-14 16:42:02

thanks for the advice but i dont think i would feel like i deserved there help really
i will be honest i v much doubt i will call them

Logg1e Thu 20-Mar-14 16:47:18

Are you actually married? What's your current housing situation?

It sounds to me as though you are determined about your next steps and in no immediate danger. I think you should collect information about your rights and possible options. If you won't consider Women's Aid, would you consider Citizens' Advice Bureaux?

sadbuttryingmummy Thu 20-Mar-14 16:52:53

yes i would go to cab

id probably feel silly, but im sure they see worse cases than me

i dont think i would call wa

well not unless i felt in danger

Andy1964 Thu 20-Mar-14 17:50:45

At least have a look on their website and see for yourself, that way you don't need to call anyone.
there is no harm in reading through the type of support they can offer

www.womensaid.org.uk/

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 20-Mar-14 19:09:28

If you are frightened of your DH then please take steps to contact somebody and keep yourself and DC(s) out of harm's way.

Your nn says it all - if you have a small baby you'll be feeling extra vulnerable, if you have more than one DC then it would certainly be easier for him to go for a while than everyone else uproot.

Do you have family close by, are there in-laws he can stay with? Otherwise I agree a travel lodge would be a good idea. You say he hasn't hit you, well abuse can be in many forms so please don't think you have to tolerate bad behaviour because he hasn't (yet) raised a hand to you.

If there is any hint of aggression then you must stay safe.

If you don't want anyone else within the families to know you are having problems, or feel in some way there will be pressure from both sides to keep going and endure whatever happens, then please do as suggested, phone for advice. There is no shame in having a rough patch and looking for solutions and young DCs depend on you for protection. Putting on an act might fool strangers or even family but you know what he is like, this is your life, no-one else's.

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