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So upset my husband has lying to me about our finances

(53 Posts)
goodiegoodieyumyum Thu 20-Mar-14 09:01:24

We own a house in the UK, we could not sell it when we had to move abroad for husbands work. Yesterday DH was sick and I came home from taking my dd to school is was lying on the couch crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was scared about our relationship,I asked him why and he said because he had been lying to me about our finances in the UK.

The mortgage comes out of his bank account and the rent goes into to, rent much more than mortgage (now not when we first moved and we used to transfer money every month to make up the short fall), but we have to pay fees to the estate agent and other cost to do with the house and taxes on profits. He has been telling me we had loads of money, when actually his has a huge overdraft on the account. We can get a loan which we can afford but it means all the plans we had have to be put on hold.

We have a joint account here but didn't in the UK, he has promised he will put me on the account so I can manage the finances in the future. When we got married I discovered he had a lot of debt, luckily he sold a flat he owned and he mad a big profit. It did upset me that he wasn't honest and acted like he had a lot of money, before we got married, he promised he would never keep secrets to me , but he has.

So upset, especially as if he had told me sooner we could have economised sooner and not got into so much debt. I was Ok at first worried about him, but now all I want to do is cry.

Don't want to drip feed, don;t really like living where we live, though it is getting better in certain parts of life, so I am very confused at the moment.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Mar-14 09:08:39

I'm sorry you can't trust the man any more. Nothing kills a relationship like repeated lies. His crocodile tears are utterly pathetic.... don't fall for the poor me crap will you?

On a practical level you need full disclosure now, not more false promises to put you on the account. You need to see every single account, every transaction, every statement. Then you put the ball in his court how he's going to fix it and you assume from now on he's lying through his teeth.

I'd also suggest you take legal advice. Protect yourself.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 20-Mar-14 09:10:10

What's he spending the money on ?

tribpot Thu 20-Mar-14 09:10:55

Shouldn't he sell the house to cover the debts he's incurred failing to manage it properly?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 20-Mar-14 09:16:08

I agree, could you sell the house now? The housing market has definitely picked up in the last year or two.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Thu 20-Mar-14 09:16:12

I would do whatever you have to do to get straight and then re-consider the whole thing with your gut feeling and nothing else. By nothing else I mean not listening to him and his pleas as they will likely be coming from somewhere not in your best interests OP. Live is short but it makes sense to get straight first. This will also give you a chance at waiting and watching and seeing how he behaves. My DH is rotten with money but that is the only area where he is rotten. I know this and make manoeuvres that minimises this problem and over the years he has seen my side of why it's nice to not spend every penny before it's earned and to have some savings to fall back on in a crisis. I think it depends on what he is like in other areas of your relationship apart from the lying thing. For the record my DH would not lie about something so fundamental to our future happiness as castration is part of my day job!

goodiegoodieyumyum Thu 20-Mar-14 09:17:44

Tribot, if the house sells, we did try to sell it but had to rent it out as we couldn't pay the mortgage and rent on the house we were living in. The money is spent on Insurance, agents fees and the tax bill we get every year. We make a profit according to the UK gov as they only take interest payment into account, in looking at costs, I did not realise this and forgot about our insurance costs when we rented out the house. If we do sell the house, we could make a big loss.

I want to stay on the housing market, but will not buy a house in the Netherlands the market is terrible and if we have to move again for his work we would be stuffed.

I realise this is partly my fault as I should have insisted when we moved that I have my name on the bank account. His parents are putting some money in our english bank account today, which will take some of the pressure off.

Martorana Thu 20-Mar-14 09:22:29

How can he have a huge overdraft if the rent coming in is much more than the mortgage- surely the agents fees and insurance couldn't make that happen?

Isabeller Thu 20-Mar-14 09:23:42

The lie that was admitted to first was the one that was going to be impossible to hide. Then quite a lot more lies came to light with quite a lot more debt.

By the time the final betrayals happened I was broken and didn't cope at all well for several years but I didn't have Mumsnet then.

Good luck whatever the future holds x

Cleanandclothed Thu 20-Mar-14 09:26:29

So he is trying to tell you that you make a cash loss, but the Uk tax rules tell you you make a profit, and the tax on this profit makes such a difference that there is a large overdraft rather than a surplus? Sounds like you need more detail. Uk tax rules do not 'only allow interest'. They generally allow all (income) costs that are exclusively to do with the house. So they would not allow you to set of capital mortgage payments, for example, but they would allow agents fees.

Don't take his word for it. See the bank statements, the tax returns, the info he has kept to do the tax returns, everything.

goodiegoodieyumyum Thu 20-Mar-14 09:27:59

15 percent agents fees, we both have to pay a lot of tax on the supposed profit we make as we are non residents, not sure of the insurance we pay I need to get him to show me the accounts, didn't yesterday, I think I was in shock and we have my uncle staying for a week so not the easiest time to discuss things.

He shouldn't have lied to me it is my greatest problem, I knew he was overdrawn before we moved but I thought it was better now. I do have to take some responsibility for not ensuring I could oversee the account I know he is not good with money. I would not have spent so much on Christmas and birthdays and other things if I knew we had a shortfall in our bank account in the UK.

I did say yesterday that maybe we should sell the house.

PollyIndia Thu 20-Mar-14 09:35:44

This would be a big problem for me too. My ex lied about getting a loan secured on our house and that was it for me. I broke up with him and we sold the house. The trust was gone.
You definitely need to find out exactly what's happening financially before you can make a call. Tough when the trust is gone though. I hope it all works out OP.

badbaldingballerina123 Thu 20-Mar-14 09:51:40

It's not your fault for not over seeing the account , he's not a child and you should be able to trust him. Plus its not the first time he's lied about finances .

As others say check out the facts for yourself , you'll need to see everything
Also consider getting a credit report to see if there's anything else he hasn't told you about , you can do this on line for about five pound.

I've had a similar experience and I think it's more about power and control than being scared.

Cleanandclothed Thu 20-Mar-14 09:56:13

Non residents do not have different rules to work out the profits. Agents fees would be deductible. So please get to the bottom of this otherwise I am worried he is still trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

goodiegoodieyumyum Thu 20-Mar-14 10:11:49

Non residents have different tax rates is what I meant, no tax free thresshhold, trying to access his bank account at the moment but natwest is not letting me in.

BoomBoomsCousin Thu 20-Mar-14 10:12:05

goodie it would be wise to get some proper advice regarding your tax liabilities. The NRL scheme is a somewhat crude way for the government to try and stop tax escaping the UK when landlords are out of easy juridiction. But it does not exactly mirror your liabilities. You should both have been doing UK self-assment tax returns each year, with one property spread between two tax payers you may well have been due a refund. If it turns out you have been overpaying significantly you can look at getting an exemption certificate from the non-resident landlord scheme so you aren't paying out lots of money all year that you have to claim back at the end. If your profit is too great, consider talking to your mortgage provider about a holiday from paying down the capital - this would lower your expenses without increasing the taxable profit you're making and may ease the financial pressure.

As to what you do about a spouse who lies to you, especially about something as serious as finances, I don't know. I think it makes sense to find your feet financially providing you don't think any of this is about him spending family money on himself. But be careful you aren't made to be more responsible for his finances while you do so - you may end up wanting to separate and you don't want to be more entwined if that happens.

tribpot Thu 20-Mar-14 10:19:49

Agreed - there's still a lot of woolliness about this story. Understandable when you've only just found out and you have a house guest, but please don't just do a knee-jerk 'take out a loan and make the problem go away' without getting to the bottom of the story.

Have you been doing tax returns in NL?

BoomBoomsCousin Thu 20-Mar-14 10:19:56

goodie non-resident British citizens are entitled to the personal allowance. ( www.hmrc.gov.uk/international/tax-incomegains.htm#6 )

goodiegoodieyumyum Thu 20-Mar-14 10:22:16

Now find it is also credit card, although no transactions the last 4 months, only payments, can't see anything other than payments about house, although there seem to be not as not much rent coming in last year which is funny as I see the statement from the agency every month.

goodiegoodieyumyum Thu 20-Mar-14 10:22:56

Lots of interestt being charged because of overdraft

Anniegoestotown Thu 20-Mar-14 10:24:32

15 percent agents fees, we both have to pay a lot of tax on the supposed profit

If you are paying tax on the profit then you cannot be making a loss.

Sorry but the agents fees would come off before tax is paid on the "profit"

If the interest part of the mortgage + agents fees is bigger than the rental income there should be no tax payable.

Could you tell me how you are paying income ax on profit but making a loss?

BoomBoomsCousin Thu 20-Mar-14 10:35:45

Annie you are liable for tax on the capital part of the mortgage you pay off. So if your rent is £2000 and the mortgage is £2000, of which £1000 is interest, you are liable for tax on the £1000 difference (assuming no other expenses). So you would get £1800 going into your bank (£2000 - 20% of the "profit"). Which builds debt up pretty quickly if £2000 in mortgage payments is coming out each month, especially if you end up paying interest and fees on an overdraft.

Holdthepage Thu 20-Mar-14 10:55:10

BoomBoom has given you excellent advice, you have probably been paying too much in tax. Get an accountant to sort it out for you, it takes away a lot of the stress & you may be due a refund.

As your DH does not have a good track record with finance keep a closer eye on it yourself.

ConferencePear Thu 20-Mar-14 10:56:37

If you don't have a joint account in the UK are you sure you should both be paying tax ?

goodiegoodieyumyum Thu 20-Mar-14 11:20:24

Mortgage is in both our names

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