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AIBU to be upset with my neighbor?

(30 Posts)
boiledbeefandcarrots99 Wed 19-Mar-14 18:27:35

So my DS's and our next door neighbor's DS have been best friends all their lives. They go to school together, swimming lessons etc, etc and his mum and I have always gotten really well and have had no problems in the past. A few weeks ago, she asked me to babysit for her one night for her and her DH's anniversary, of course I had no problems with this. I get there for about 6.30 and all's fine, she says to help myself to anything, thanking me for my help.

Cut to a few hours later, the kids are in bed and I pour myself a glass of wine from her fridge and go to stick on the telly. Doing so, I accidentally stood on her dog's tail. It's a nice enough dog, but it's a rescue and can be a bit snappy. I bent down to clap and see if he was alright and he bit my hand, breaking the skin. This really hurt and it bled a fair bit, but I cleaned the cut and all was fine. Finally, when she and her DH came home, an hour and a half after they said they'd be home, I asked how their night had gone. It was obvious they'd had a fight, I'm not sure what actually happened because I never found out, but she was in a really bad mood.

I probably should have kept it to myself but I told her what happened with the dog and she told me to p*ss off, saying it wasn't the dog's fault. I never actually blamed her dog, I just told her what happened and she completely lashed out. Then she saw the glass of wine and told me I shouldn't have been drinking, especially not her wine. I apologized but she wouldn't have it and just told me to leave, saying I had ruined her night. By this point her DH was in bed, we never spoke that night, he just went upstairs. I got up to go, asking her again what had happened. She told me to 'mind my own f*cking business' and slammed the door in my face.

I don't know if I've done something or if it was because of what happened when she was out, but it's been two weeks now and I've not spoken to her since then, I don't really want to, but our DS's are friends and we live next door, I don't want things to get worse.

CailinDana Wed 19-Mar-14 18:39:07

I would send her a text saying it would be good to talk about what happened and leave it up to her to arrange to meet up. I would expect an apology and a full explanation of her behaviour.

Walkacrossthesand Wed 19-Mar-14 18:43:37

It sounds like you're in the US of A from your spelling & terminology, and they may do things differently there - but here, it wouldn't be unusual for an adult babysitter to be encouraged to have a glass of wine during the evening, and would certainly be included in 'help yourself to anything'! So we can only presume that she was in the most foul temper after the (presumed) row, and took it out on you. Do your boys normally arrange their own 'play times' - and have they done so since?

VivaLeBeaver Wed 19-Mar-14 18:45:56


I'd be upset. I wouldn't want anything to do with her again after that even if she came grovelling.

Hissy Wed 19-Mar-14 19:03:44

Sounds like she has bigger problems, but took them out on you.

You are owed an apology, don't allow time to sweep this under the carpet. Friends don't treat friends like that.

If you say anything just say that she knows where to find you when she is ready to apologise.

SylvanMuldoon Wed 19-Mar-14 19:32:17

You babysat for her, got bitten by her dog and she treats you like that?! shock

What a cow, I'd tell her to get to fuck and not speak to her again!

eddielizzard Wed 19-Mar-14 19:39:22

tbh i'd be a tiny bit hmm at you drinking whilst babysitting. not something i would do so i wouldn't feel comfortable about that. however she did say you could help yourself to anything. was the bottle of wine already open?

but at the same time you were doing her a favour! she took her shit night out on you and you got shouted at, bitten and door slammed in your face!

i would be very upset. as to how you resolve it - i don't know. it's tempting to text 'i had a small glass of wine when the kids were asleep. i'm sorry you were upset about that and i had no intention to upset you. i was explaining about the dog, not accusing him. i just want to explain my side. hope you guys are well.'

blanchedeveraux Wed 19-Mar-14 19:49:59

Sounds like she's taken the argument with her DH out on you. I would let the DCs get on as normal and avoid her until she apologises to you.

VoyageDeVerity Wed 19-Mar-14 19:58:43

I would NOT speak to her again until she makes the first move and it would have to be a massive apology.

Fucking cheek. And it's a glass of wine you weren't sniffing coke off of her chesterfield !

firesidechat Wed 19-Mar-14 20:42:17

How old are the children?

I don't think it's that usual to drink alcohol while baby sitting and I probably wouldn't have helped myself without specific instructions to do so.

She was very unreasonable about the dog though. I had a dog and would be mortified if it had bitten anyone.

PeazlyPops Wed 19-Mar-14 20:51:30

I'd be very annoyed if someone had drank alcohol whilst looking after my children. If you were thirsty, you could have had water or a soft drink, there was no need to drink wine.

Re the dog issue, it's hard to know how you came across, your body language etc, but your neighbour was BU to tell you to piss off.

diddl Wed 19-Mar-14 21:00:54

I think if it was obvious that there was something wrong I would have got out of there asap tbh.

LayMeDown Wed 19-Mar-14 21:13:00

YANBU at all to be upset. Whatever the rights and wrongs of having a glass of wine (wouldn't bother me if a good friend took a glass while doing mea favour), 'accusing' the dog, or not getting out of there ASAP, it in no way warrants a reaction like hers. She was unbelievably rude and I would be furious with any friend who spoke to me like that, especially when I was doing them a favour.
Was she drunk? Is is possible she has forgotten?

littlegreenlight1 Wed 19-Mar-14 21:29:14

If it was me and any of my friends, a glass of wine would not be a "thing" at all!!!!
Getting bitten by their dog would be and I think youre right to feel a bit bruised over the matter - but things happen, she should apologise for the dog, presuming youre not too hurt and you should be able to just move past this.
I think its very over the top to have a go at you for "drinking" if you were told to help yourself. If I wasnt driving, Id probably do the same.

MistressDeeCee Wed 19-Mar-14 22:32:50

I wouldnt consider a person a 'friend' if they spoke to me like that.

Glass of wine is neither here nor there. You're not a child and she must know you're triustworthy or she wouldn't have left you in charge of her DCs.

If she apologises, all well and good. If not, Id leave her to it. So called 'friend' or not, its not possible to resolve every situation in life, nor is it necessary to grovel to rude inconsiderate people. No..I'd be quite happy if she fucked off to a far land, if it were me. As for situation with your DCs being friends..well, it can't be helped and let s face it when she sounded off at you she didnt give a shit about that, did she?

diddl Thu 20-Mar-14 07:39:22

I agree though that if anyone spoke to me like that I'd be having nothing more to do with them.

ivykaty44 Thu 20-Mar-14 07:46:24

It can't get any worse can it? You did her a favour she was ungrateful and rude and now she is ignoring you

I would leave her ignoring you as you don't need that kind of agrivation in your life for doing someone a good turn, goodness only know what would happen if you did something wrong....

EirikurNoromaour Thu 20-Mar-14 07:52:29

The glass of wine is nothing by the way. I'm confused about why people would have a problem with an adult babysitter drinking one glass of wine.
She's behaved appallingly and if she won't try to make amends you are going to have to write off the friendship.

Technical Thu 20-Mar-14 08:19:12

I don't think your drinking (her wine or otherwise) is the issue at all. There was opened(?) wine in the house so presumably she has a drink when she's home with DC.

I bet she's had a load to drink that evening and that, coupled with whatever had gone wrong led to her massive over-reaction. If it was a regular behaviour then she'd be a vile woman but it wasn't, she's otherwise lovely. Haven't we all done/said something hurtful when under stress?

I agree with others that you have nothing to be sorry for and she should be the one to apologise but where does sticking to your guns like that leave you? Lost an otherwise good friend and a frosty relationship with your neighbour. She's probably too embarrassed to talk to you, rather than still sulking.

I would like to think I'd either pop round or send a card/text saying I'm sorry things ended so badly the other night, can we talk?

eddielizzard Thu 20-Mar-14 09:01:40

the issue with drinking wine is that should there be an emergency they might be required to drive.

Walkacrossthesand Thu 20-Mar-14 09:04:52

Not wanting to derail thread into a debate re alcohol and driving, Eddie - but one glass of wine normally consumed does not send your blood alcohol level above the level deemed acceptable in this country for driving. So that is not the issue in this thread - unless, as in my first post, OP lives elsewhere where the rules are different.

Technical Thu 20-Mar-14 09:06:40

No, it's not eddie, not unless the parents themselves are always fit to drive when with their DC and have specifically told the baby-sitter that they don't want her to drink (and she's still agreed to do the favour). Were the parents fit to drive when they got home from their night out and were left in charge of thier child?

If Op had needed to get the child somewhere in an emergency, she could have called her DH who was next-door, or another neighbour, called a taxi or an ambulance, depending on the emergency.

Are people who can't drive or don't have a car not allowed to babysit?

LaurieFairyCake Thu 20-Mar-14 09:08:50

Can't believe anyone could be so Puritanical about the wine hmm

The kids not a baby and she lives next door!

Are people really suggesting that no one should stay in their own home and have a glass of wine if their on their own?

So lone parents not allowed to drink?

That's what taxis are for!

It may be a tiny bit different if she was a professional child carer who was being paid
- but a neighbour who lives next door, no.

I wouldn't contact her again, she is so far out of order over the whole thing it's ridiculous.

OldBagWantsNewBag Thu 20-Mar-14 09:12:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dumpylump Thu 20-Mar-14 09:12:37

Agree with Walkacrossthesand plus op lives next door where presumably her dh and child were, so someone to help in the unlikely event of an emergency.
From the op saying dcs go to school together, it's also fair to say the child she was looking after isn't a baby.
Op, I think your neighbour friend was very rude to you - if I was her I'd have been round the next morning to apologise profusely and check your dog bite was ok. Since she hasn't, if I was you, I'd probably go over and ask if she fancies a coffee so you can talk about what happened. It's a shame to not be on speaking terms when you're right next door, and maybe an overture like that would shame her into an apology, or at least an explanation.

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