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Some great advice from ex-MIL

(17 Posts)
MamaPingu Tue 18-Mar-14 22:01:33

When she found out her blue eyed boy had kissed someone when I was pregnant her response was "sometimes it's better they don't know".

Is that not essentially saying it's fine to kiss people and cheat on your pregnant girlfriend (kissing is definitely cheating to me, I know others disagree) as long as they don't find out? shock

Do you agree with this?

I think it's basically her saying it's fine, not a problem he just shouldn't have told me!

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 18-Mar-14 22:06:50

Some MILs angry

When I found my STBXHs diary detailing sordid nights with his OW, my MIL said I had no right to read his private diary and "maybe he just wasn't ready to tell me".

She can jog on, along with her blue-eyed boy!

MamaPingu Tue 18-Mar-14 22:20:30

How ridiculous is that!!
And I can't believe he kept a diary of it shock

Imagine if it was us hurting their perfect god given sons?!
Our ears would never stop burning with them telling everyone how evil we are and how we never deserved them hmm

itwillgetbettersoon Tue 18-Mar-14 22:24:13

Mine said to me the other night regarding the fact that her only son and his gf (the ow) have not yet visited her "he didn't chose very well' (meaning the ow).

Well no he didn't!

When their DS walked on me the mil kindly told me that if their son didn't pay child support they would not financially help me (they are worth a fortune!).

Lovely.

MamaPingu Tue 18-Mar-14 22:34:13

They felt the need to actually tell you they weren't going to help you out? I don't understand some people at all confused

Both of you who've posted, do these grandparents see your DCs?

Mine have bothered to come see him once apart from ex-FIL. Every other time I've taken him there. I've stopped taking him and they haven't seen him in 2.5 months, almost half his life!!

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 18-Mar-14 23:31:32

They just dropped my DS as quickly as they dropped me. No contact with him and no desire to see him - they were step grandparents but he was in their lives for 11 years. Just shows how shallow they are IMO.

My STBXH was an intelligent man but I think he started a diary because he thought it was romantic, he bought one for OW too!

I love my DS dearly but if he ever cheated on his partner (when he gets one), I certainly would tell him I didn't approve and not be happy with him - and he is my blue-eyed boy but I'd tell him when h did wrong.

How are you getting on now mamapingu?

FushandChups Tue 18-Mar-14 23:33:31

The first thing out of my MILs mouth following her son walking out on me and our DC? Very first thing - not even hello....

"Have you been to your GP yet - to sort out your anger issues?"

Uhm no - i don't have anger issues! Your son has fidelity issues...

itwillgetbettersoon Wed 19-Mar-14 22:59:08

Mamapingu - I do take my two children to see the ILs as their father has now fallen out with his parents. I want my children to know their GP.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Mar-14 06:35:46

Actually, I think sometimes discretion is better than the alternatives. People make mistakes all the time and if they laid every single one of those mistakes on their partner rather than keep it to themselves and resolve not to do it again, I think that would be very selfish. There's a big difference between an enthusiastic full-blown affair and a badly-judged kiss that is instantly regretted. But both have the potential to end the relationship once the cat is out of the bag.

So I agree with your MIL to a point ... some things are best left unsaid.

fifi669 Thu 20-Mar-14 09:03:04

I agree cogito

MamaPingu Thu 20-Mar-14 09:34:22

Personally I completely disagree, he doesn't seem to really care that he did it.

And I am pleased I know as I could have ended up married to him. I would NEVER kiss someone else so him doing it is a massive disrespect and a clear sign he doesn't care. If he'd have told me immediately and was clearly sad over it it would be different but he kept it quiet for a long time and then messaged two ex girlfriends just before the end of my pregnancy so he was remorseful.

I think a one off mistake of a kiss should be told to your partner immediately then you can try work through it.
If you have many mistakes to keep from your partner to me that's a very messed up relationship.

Keeping it quiet is to protect yourself not your partner IMO

MamaPingu Thu 20-Mar-14 09:34:38

Wasn't remorseful*

MamaPingu Thu 20-Mar-14 09:36:28

He also wasn't drunk and she was a stranger. I think it's a purposeful kiss, that isn't something that would easily happen.
That situation to me would never even happen, I don't understand how people think it's acceptable personally. But that is coming from someone who is truly honest and faithful

CashmereHoodlum Thu 20-Mar-14 09:41:01

My MIL is a misogynist and an apologist for all her sons and their dreadful behaviour towards their wives.

diddl Thu 20-Mar-14 09:53:03

When my exh was cheating on me my MIL said "loves a funny thing".

Yeah, fucking hilarious!

Much as I find my current ILs hard to get on with, I know they'd be disgusted if their son cheated.

I doubt they'd disown or bad mouth him, but they sure as hell wouldn't lay any blame at my door!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Mar-14 09:55:51

"I would NEVER kiss someone else so him doing it is a massive disrespect and a clear sign he doesn't care."

But if that's true, the timing was irrelevant. Once you found out, it was game over.

aziraphale Thu 20-Mar-14 10:17:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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