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Relationship breaking - how can I bring myself to break my family apart and leave?

(4 Posts)
stumpsxo Tue 18-Mar-14 20:51:36

I'm in such a horrible place right now I don't even know what to do.
I was diagnosed with depression nearly 4 years ago. After 3 years of battles, I broke up with my previous partner. I recovered very quickly due to the mentally abusive relationship.
I met my current partner, was long before I accidently fell pregnant. All happy and Roses.
Now I find the same thing repeating itself. He makes me feel awful constantly, talks down to me or makes me feel like I don't even exist. If it wasn't for our 6 month old daughter I would of left a while ago. It's now getting to the point where my mental health is being extremely affected and im not sure how much more I can take. I find myself not want to fact the next day.
Then when I get upset over how he's treated me he will blame me and make me think I'm ill and that im going crazy when I know it's not my fault. He's teaching me to blame myself all over again.

But how do I get up and leave? How do I turn my family apart?

My partner lost his job 3 months ago, we're in benefits at which isn't great having to survive on £30 a month. If I left I don't even know where we would go, if I made him leave, somehow, I don't even know if I'd be en tilted to the same amount of money. If my landlord finds out i'm on benefits, what if she kicks me and my daughter out?

My daughter loves her dad millions, how could I even take her away from him? I can't get my head around leaving, it breaks my heart. But if I stay, it's breaks me. I'm so lost and so trapped. If anyone could please all give me any advice or anyone I could speak to I would appreciate it hugely.

Cabrinha Tue 18-Mar-14 21:02:17

You poor thing, you sound so desperate.
Can you talk to Women's Aid? I think they can help or point you in the right direction for the courage to leave, understanding finances / benefits / housing when you do...
Don't worry about your daughter loving her dad millions. She's 6 months old. I expect it's you she is attached to.
If he can be a good father to her, he can be from another home. If he can't be a good father - look at his track record with treating women! - then he's no loss.

Faffalina Wed 19-Mar-14 11:21:08

Hi Stumps.

I was in the same situation, right down to the mental health issues and it being the second relationship going the same way. I moved out last week after a couple of years of indecision. It sounds like you want to leave, and if so I would recommend getting yourself a plan. Is there anyone you could stay with in the short term? I can write out what my plan was but I don't know if that'll help as my daughter is 3 whereas yours is still a baby and you might not be ready to work again?
The indecision really was the worst bit and caused a lot of anxiety for me - I would recommend making your decision more quickly than I did.

PM me if you like.

Take care x

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 19-Mar-14 11:39:57

I also think you should talk to Womens Aid. 0808 2000 247. You appear to be a vulnerable person who has been targeted by an abusive man to the extent that it's making an existing condition much worse. It would not be 'tearing your family apart' if you asked for refuge and help. It would be self-preservation. Most children are very fond of their parents, however badly they behave.

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