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Not sure if I'm being unreasonable...

(6 Posts)
wills84 Tue 18-Mar-14 18:54:46

Hi all,

Long time lurker, now seeking advice.

Been in a relationship for eight months now and for the general part we're very happy. Moved in together two months ago and it's pretty much been a seamless transition, however I'm now beginning to get annoyed at certain aspects of DP's behaviour.

It seems the opinion is, now we live together and I see him on a daily basis, I'm left with the scraps of time together and we don't really do anything meaningful together anymore. Before we moved in we'd have nights away, nights out, great fun and all that seems to have disappeared. DP sees no problem in this, he goes out to play sport three times a week, comes in at 8pm, has his dinner and then does work (teacher so a lot of planning). I work in a job whereby I walk out of the door at 5pm and forget about it. Anyway a bit off topic.

So, he does sport three times a week, spends most of Saturday with his family and then we usually have Sunday morning at home (where he does more work) and then maybe I'll get a trip food shopping. He's now told me on May bank holiday weekend he's going away for the whole time to a sport tournament and to be honest I'm feeling quite resentful. I get the time sat with him at night when doing work, an occasional Sunday hour or two, oh and Friday evenings where we try and do something. If something comes up like a random visit his Mum is making somewhere then our time would be cancelled for that.

In summary this trip in May, when I was looking forward to a day out or some fun at least has been wrecked by a tournament. Everytime I try and say how I feel he just shouts that all he wants to do is go and have fun and play football (and a night out) and that I should be a normal girlfriend and encourage it - well I would if he actually spent some time other than the scraps I get with him.

Not sure if all this makes sense...sorry for the long post. I've spent most of today seething about it and I'm not sure if it's me overreacting or him being a tosser!

TheresNoMeWithoutYou Tue 18-Mar-14 19:01:04


He is part of a couple. He seems to be carrying on a bachelor lifestyle. He should have leisure time but maybe not so much. I don't like that he shouts at you though. Unless you are both shouters.

HansieMom Tue 18-Mar-14 19:05:16

He gets meals cooked, a bedmate, a home, a housekeeper and laundry service maybe. What are you getting?

wills84 Tue 18-Mar-14 19:06:46

It's not shouting, I maybe got that across a bit wrong there. More heated discussion and then text messages that were coming across quite moody this morning.

Yesterday evening we were in bed when he mentioned this tournament, knowing full well I'd be annoyed about it. I stayed calm and just said I don't understand why he doesn't feel like he needs to spend time with me other than when he's doing work - no answer. However we've had this a million times before, he just doesn't feel like he doesn't spend enough time with me and resents me for being demanding on him and his time. Feels too much like I force him to choose between sport, his family and friends and me.

wills84 Tue 18-Mar-14 19:08:23

As if, he's a vegetarian so I don't cook for him, he much prefers to make his own stuff. He does his fair share around the house too.

Besides the time together aspect he is perfect in every other way. Funny, generous and completely loyal - I know he'd never cheat. I won't leave him ever, I just seriously want him to see bloody sense and see that his relationship needs to come first sometimes without being the wicked witch!

chrome100 Tue 18-Mar-14 19:08:57

I think this can happen a lot when you move in together because you don't have to make time for each other any more. It's really important to have quality time, rather than quantity. I don't spend much time with my DP in the week, we both work long hours, have hobbies and friends but we always have one night in the week that is just for us (usually a Friday) and try and spend one of the weekend days cycling or walking together. It doesn't matter about the other 5 days of the week because this time is "ours".

I can see why he still wants his sport and trips away, that's fine, but what he doesn't seem to be doing is making time for just you two and that is wrong. he needs to understand that relationships require investment.

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