Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

So confused.

(9 Posts)
Mirren0520 Tue 18-Mar-14 18:06:52

I don't think I love my OH anymore. We have been together just over a year, moved in together after 8 months. Things were going well until my partner lost his job. He lost it in August and ever since he has just been lazing about the house, sleeping all day and spending the nights on the computer. I don't find him attractive, I don't want to have sex with and the thought of him touching me makes me feel ill. If I end it though he will be homeless.

Another thing I am talking to another guy, we have been talking for nearly 2 years, since before I met my OH. He's like my best friend. I tell him everything. Before I met my OH our conversations were of a sexual nature but that stopped after I got into a relationship. Recently though they have turned sexual again, I find myself day dreaming about him, thinking about him all day and it gives me butterflies. I really like this guy and he likes me as well.

I don't know what to do, if I spilt up with my OH he will be homeless but I can't get this other guy out my head. He makes me smile and laugh.

RRRJ83 Tue 18-Mar-14 18:29:19

I think you know what to do. You just need confirmation from people that it's OK to make a grown man who should be able to take care of himself homeless. He must have somewhere else to go, its not fair on either of you to remain in this relationship.

Just don't progress things further with the other guy until you've done the right thing by your current do.

Optimist1 Tue 18-Mar-14 18:30:18

Tricky situation, Mirren. Where did your OH live before he moved in with you? You're not responsible for his well-being, and it sounds as though he needs a wake up call having been dossing for months on end.

RRRJ83 Tue 18-Mar-14 18:30:32

P.s just to make it absolutely clear, I think it is perfectly ok to ask him to move out if you want to end the relationship.

AnandaTimeIn Tue 18-Mar-14 18:35:37

What's the alternative? Keep him for the rest of his life?

I agree, don't pursue this other man you could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire until you have sorted this relationship out.

Why not spend some time alone so you are not running from one bad relationship into another?....

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with fantasising about a man. -- it's usually better than the real thing--

magoria Tue 18-Mar-14 18:41:11

Your relationship is over and done. All that is left is to bury it. You cannot stay with him just because he will be homeless.

It is a bit shitty to be having these conversations with another man while you are supposed to be in a relationship. You should really back off from that until you have sorted your current situation out.

Remember that at one stage your current partner made you smile and laugh and you wanted to have sex with him. What happens if this other man has issues?

EirikurNoromaour Tue 18-Mar-14 18:47:20

1- end this relationship, where he lives is not your problem. Simple really.
2- if you fancy other guy just get on with it because having a faux boyfriend hanging about in the background is going to fuck up any relationships you go into and is not fair on the guy you are with, even if he is a lazy cocklodger like your current one, he doesn't deserve to be cheated on.

Mirren0520 Tue 18-Mar-14 19:14:38

He was couch surfing before he moved in with me. It is a totally shit situation. I don't want to put him out on the street but it's not fair to carry on in a situation where he thinks everything is fine. I have tried to talk to him but well that went down like a lead balloon.

Think I know what I need to do, just don't seem to have the balls to do ithmm

Optimist1 Wed 19-Mar-14 06:53:28

Look at it this way - the last 8 months have just been an extended couch surfing stop for him. You've had the balls to support the lazy git since August and you certainly have the balls to stop. He's managed before and he'll manage again.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: