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Dh cannot keep up with me!

(16 Posts)
pumpkinsweetie Mon 17-Mar-14 21:53:26

For a long time my dh complained of my lack of interest in sex and me not coming onto him. Although we did have sex regularly, up to 3 times a week.
For that period, roughly around a year (including pregnancy) I was called frigidangry

Anyway since having had my baby my libido has shot up and I cannot get enough of him. We were at it as much as we could and he seemed to be happy with my new found sexual appetite.

But fastforward 2 months I think he has become rather tired of my advances and instead of talking to me he has just allowed my behaviour to continue without a word but a huff and puff when I come on to him and a few droops inbetween.

After speaking to him this weekend just gone after his disinterest in me, I decided I will calm down for a little bit and not expect to much as he feels under pressure.

Today we have made love once, but in the evening I couldn't contain myself andangry decided to come into the room with no underwear on to entice him from playing his computer game. I thought it had worked as he came to lie with me on the sofa. So I touched his crutch , he just grunted at me and told me to stop with this.

Later on after realising I was upset he said he was sorry and he didn't mean what he said.

I feel rejected tbh as now he has had his few months of fun he can no longer be arsed, but had the cheek to moan for a year I was frigid.

I don't get men sometimes.
It's always moans of "too little sex" then they moan "too much"

What would you mnetters consider too much? a mans point of view would be good too.

Fwiw we have been together 10 years this july coming.
Am I expecting too much ?
I feel like he has really put me back into my old ways now but I can't win as I will be called frigid again should I go back that way.

How do you get over the rejection of someone saying no to your advances?

Deathwatchbeetle Mon 17-Mar-14 22:19:34

Typical male response! You can say he is frigid now! (Only joking!). Does seem strange that he went to lie with you on the sofa after you enticed him then he apparently did not want it. Is he childish enough to "pay you back?" Perhaps he made a lot of noise at the time but wasn't really up for it all the time but was glad he could blame you???

Who knows what goes on in their minds. Is he feeling stressed at work, worried about something, changed jobs recently???

AnyFucker Mon 17-Mar-14 22:26:24

You both sound like equally hard work, tbh.

pumpkinsweetie Mon 17-Mar-14 22:30:08

He changed jobs around 4 months ago. He works nights so he can get tired a lot.
We probably are hard work anyfucker but even so why do most men claim to think about sex 24/7 yet when they are offered it on a plate they cba.

Kormachameleon Mon 17-Mar-14 22:34:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana Mon 17-Mar-14 22:35:18

Why are you so keen to have sex with someone who called you "frigid" for a year? I'd find it hard to be in the same room as him.

AnyFucker Mon 17-Mar-14 22:35:28

pumpkin, why do you still have sex with men who call you "frigid" ?

you can do better than that

PedantMarina Mon 17-Mar-14 22:40:38

Can somebody please remind me what all this "sex" stuff is?

pumpkinsweetie Mon 17-Mar-14 22:46:58

I do wonder tbh...
I don't know really, I suppose I feel a very deep connection at the moment and I thought the feeling was mutual.

For a while I felt as if we were a new couple again, sharing new parenthood again, films together, walks together. Things became very intense and my love for him grew, which I guess where the sexual attraction arose from.

But of late he has got into a new computer game and seems to spend many of a time on it, not really interacting with me and when he isn't playing it he is reading up strategies about it on his mobile phone.
I will get into conversation with him thinking he is listening and he turns out later on he wasn't listening at allsad

We have come far as we have 5 children together and many arguments along the way, especially ones involving toxic ils that nearly ruined our marriage and we have since overcome the problems they bought to our relationship by severing ties. I found out dh was beaten as a child and his parents still manipulated him until recently.
Knowing he had finally confided in me also strengthened our relationship.

Tbh I was enjoying our moments of passion and now he has become so disrespondant I am starting to feel rejected and the last few times we made love I really wasn't feeling it myself.

Mrswellyboot Mon 17-Mar-14 22:52:32

If a man called me figid, he would never get to see my nether regions again, let alone have them paraded in front of him naked

I'd rather be on my own than disrespected. I don't think sex drives should be a competition with each other sad

pumpkinsweetie Mon 17-Mar-14 23:02:49

Well at the time to be fair, I actually thought I was.
I had a basically cba approach to it, rather much like he has at the moment.

Maybe this is some sort of payback, if so what he expects to achieve I don't know. Nothing positive will come of it, I will just lose interest again.
Either that or the computer game has too much of his attention. Don't get me wrong, he helps with housework etc but when sitting with me all he does most of the time is look up about the particular game on the internet.
Games seem to really suck people in, it's rather sad really people miss so much of life stuck in an imaginary game or fb etc when quite simply entertainment is there for grabbing.

I have nothing against computer games but some people get so pulled in. He is one of them

differentnameforthis Tue 18-Mar-14 03:01:54

What would you mnetters consider too much?

It doesn't matter what we think. It is what he considers too much that should be your primary focus.

You have to talk about what is acceptable to both of you & go from there.

Does seem strange that he went to lie with you on the sofa after you enticed him then he apparently did not want it. Would you say that to a woman?

Probably not, because 1] consent can be withdrawn at any time & 2] a couple are allowed to sit together without it implying sex.

* Is he feeling stressed at work, worried about something, changed jobs recently???* Perhaps, like many women & other men, he just doesn't/didn't want sex? Have you considered that.

Contrary to popular belief men are allowed to say no, they are allowed to not be up for sex all the time & he deserves not to be constantly 'enticed' in to it.

Just like a woman deserves all the same. If the op was complaining that her dh was constantly grabbing her the answers would be different.

I don't like the fact that he called her frigid at all either. To be fair.

differentnameforthis Tue 18-Mar-14 03:03:11

why do most men claim to think about sex 24/7

They don't. It's a myth, a bit like the one that says 'no means yes'

nooka Tue 18-Mar-14 04:12:06

We had a fairly similar experience, although over several years. My sex drive dropped off when we had small children (fairly run of the mill too many demands on my body stuff). dh was upset to be rejected. Things got very difficult for a while (not entirely related) and when they got better we both were very keen for a couple of years. Then we had some major upheaval following which dh's libido pretty much disappeared. Now we have sex pretty infrequently but it's not a big deal as neither of us feel frustrated/rejected.

The key to making sure that we got through the difficult times was to talk about it, and to be respectful that the other person wasn't up for it, but also to understand that it wasn't about love, just lust.

pumpkinsweetie Tue 18-Mar-14 12:09:15

Thankyou for your post nooka think you have hit the nail on the head.
I should stop focusing so much, as there is a lot of love & sometimes lust. I just have to realise what I have, not what I don't.
I also need to stop feeling so rejected as I was expecting too much that most wouldn't be able to keep up grin

CrystalBeth Tue 18-Mar-14 12:22:22

If someone called me "frigid" then I would show them exactly how "frigid" I was by never ever having sex with them again. What a vile thing to say to the mother of your child!

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