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Not sure if i want a commitment or not keep changing my mind

(5 Posts)
mummypower123 Mon 17-Mar-14 20:32:24

Ive been seeing a man for two years now and really it started off i wanted abit of fun just enjoy some nice times with. At the time i was in a really bad place mentally and got away from an abusive relationship, this man seemed really nice and has been very helpful in lots of different ways. But also because of his circumstances at the time i felt i could keep him at a distance. But it seems we are in love but im very scared now to make big commitments, also i keep changing my mind trying to find bad things and just worrying it will go wrong. No idea why im putting this on here does anyone else feel like this?

Tiredgal12 Mon 17-Mar-14 21:09:26

Hi, not sure if I'm well placed to answer this, but why the need for extra commitment at this point ?

If you are in love and happy why not just enjoy that and you can progress things when you feel more sure?

maryclarey Mon 17-Mar-14 21:26:24

Yes I have a similar situation although I wasn't just out of an abusive relationship just an unsuitable one. I spent months worrying myself sick about how I/he felt and preparing for worst case scenario (ie him leaving) as I was afraid of getting hurt again and I even tried to find/force situations so that I could sack him off first but he never did a thing wrong, it was all in my head! Luckily he displayed immense patience whilst I worked through everything and I worked hard to calm down and just enjoy it (and deal with feelings left over from previous relationship) and now a year or so on we are definitely having a proper relationship and are very happy. It took a lot of work from my side though and I still have to work on it a bit because now it's so good I can't bear the thought of being without him! With hindsight it was too soon for another relationship but luckily it worked out. I suppose I could also have realised I didn't feel anything for him.

Do you feel anything for him?

Theoldhag Mon 17-Mar-14 23:38:21

I would suggest councelling to iron out any lingering issues from the abusive relationship, you should be able to access this via your gp, if privately then worth your while to look up the BACP website for therapists in your area.

Give yourself the chance to make positive choices for yourself and your future.

And yes there is no rush for you to take the next step in your relationship, if you wish to give a reason to your new dp then tell him that you are working on some possible residue issues from before. Any decent man would understand and support you whilst you did this.

mummypower123 Tue 18-Mar-14 18:41:00

Thanks for the advice all, yes i do feel in love thats why im probably scared of being hurt. No there is no big rush for anything, i feel abit better about it all today lol
I may ask my gp for councelling as i sure i keep feeling like this again

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