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Abusive exh still has a hold on me and I need help

(19 Posts)
messedaroundmother Sun 16-Mar-14 18:13:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jayho Sun 16-Mar-14 18:31:24

Practical advice -

Change your phonenumber and email address. You do not have to give this level of access.

Is all this court ordered?

You do not have to ask permission to take your children on a holiday of p to three week's duration. If it's a Hague Convention country, no permission is required.

Keep a record.

It seems that he has had no contact with his children for three years, is this correct?

If so, block, change contact details, move on. It's his responsibility to put measures in place not yours.

Brutual bit - your children will not be thanking you for this, you are colluding in him letting them down.

Stop it and get on with your life.

Huge hugs though, I've got one of these and it's heartbreaking.

messedaroundmother Sun 16-Mar-14 18:38:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

messedaroundmother Sun 16-Mar-14 18:40:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess Sun 16-Mar-14 18:45:06

When did you apply for residency? I wonder if getting a good solicitor to help you rewrite the application may get you the result you need? If he is sending threatening emails etc. presumably you can use this as evidence?

jayho Sun 16-Mar-14 18:46:09

get some legal advice and speak to women's aid.

Where do you want to go? US and Canada like permission letters, EU, no prob, don't know much about other areas.

LavenderGreen14 Sun 16-Mar-14 19:03:42

And also - Child Maintenance - can you contact them to apply on your behalf. I would not reply to his messages quite honestly - and do change your email address and phone number. He doesn't seem to want to see them, but is using his position as 'father' to abuse you further? You can stop him if you want to.

Did a solicitor tell you that you needed permission - that doesn't sound right to me tbh.

Lweji Sun 16-Mar-14 19:03:58

What do you mean he'll kick off? Will he show up, or just send lots of messages and ring?
Block his number, or change numbers.
You can also probably automatically forward emails from him to another email account you use every day, anyway, so that you still see the messages but he doesn't have access to that account.

Lweji Sun 16-Mar-14 19:05:58

If he is in the UK, keep records of all his harassment and report everything to the police, particularly if he contacts your parents.

messedaroundmother Sun 16-Mar-14 19:31:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummy321 Sun 16-Mar-14 19:35:43

I have travelled all over without ex's permission. All over Europe, even Canada. I had nothing to say he did/did not allow me to take them. It's never been a problem at passport control. I have no court order regarding travel etc. You should be ok?

Rather than a residence order, you could get a non molestation order? Judge ordered this for me as he considered significant risk of physical injury ... But it ranges from physical abuse to harassment, which can be restrictions he imposes on your life, unwanted calls etc. the court will put in place an avenue for him to contact regarding kids eg solicitor or nominated person. The order usually says he can't ask someone else to contact you, so hopefully that would include contacting your family about you.

Good luck

KouignAmann Sun 16-Mar-14 19:40:04

MAM this man has no power to hurt you at all, you just think he does! If the worst threat he can make is that he will get depressed and kill himself then let him do you a big favour and get on with it!
Sadly these abusive twunts never actually carry out their threats they just hang about like a bad smell being unpleasant.
Just change the mobile and the email and tell him to contact you via the solicitor in future. Do you actually feel responsible for him still? Because you aren't! He is an adult and you own him NOTHING!

Come on, be strong and get rid of him from your life. He is adding nothing but misery.

messedaroundmother Sun 16-Mar-14 19:50:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EirikurNoromaour Sun 16-Mar-14 20:00:27

Where are you taking the kids on holiday? You probably won't need permission.

messedaroundmother Sun 16-Mar-14 20:01:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillyBanter Sun 16-Mar-14 20:01:49

Those emails are harassment as far as I can see.

Maybe have a talk to the police and see if they agree. Or maybe you can say 'any further correspondence that is not specifically about the children or containing threats of self-harm or dishing out blame will be considered harassment and if they continue you will be contacting the police.

Perhaps CAB or Women's Aid can give you advice.

Lweji Sun 16-Mar-14 20:01:56

Maybe WA can help regarding solicitor. See what they say. There is also this organization called NCDV who offer to arrange free, fast injunctions, should you need one.

messedaroundmother Sun 16-Mar-14 20:03:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

messedaroundmother Sun 16-Mar-14 20:04:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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