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Family stuff that I am confused about. longish

(10 Posts)
lolaisafuckertoo Sun 16-Mar-14 17:37:57

Currently not living near my family (DM, 2xDS two nephews) We visited at half term. Long haul flight, haven't seen family in six months. Our house is still there, not rented out or anything. To say they were tepid is an understatement. We were home for a week. Saw them en masse for 2 hours one day. We went up to them (off the cuff) for about an hour gave mother a lift home which was the last we saw of her
YOunger sister planned to take my DD from 10am to around 6pm to celebrate her birthday early. No invite for me or DH. Sister said she didn't want too many people around. I didn't get into it
Sister Was very late getting her back to us. I had to ring and prompt her to get her home although there were plans for DD1 (21) and DD2(6) to do stuff together.
It all ended up in a cranky rush. this was the night before we returned home so a lot of packig and what have you going on and I had planned on an early night for dd2 as early flight next day. Mother did not come to say goodbye, just a brief phone call. She is a 10 minute walk away. We won't be back for about 9 months.No contact from them really since.
I want to go NC. I hate them all.

Logg1e Sun 16-Mar-14 18:07:16

This sounds dreadful. At the moment you have two options, a repeat performance of this hurtful visit or going no contact. I think it would be good for you to think about further options.

CookieDoughKid Sun 16-Mar-14 18:09:29

What are they usually like?

CookieDoughKid Sun 16-Mar-14 18:10:34

Perhaps you've been out of the picture for too long and they were being inconvenienced. Was your visit arranged in advance and plans made?? All sounds a bit of a rush...

lolaisafuckertoo Sun 16-Mar-14 20:49:59

Cookie this is fairly typical of them really. just this time it has seemed no effort made in even pretending to care much. We planned the tiny amount of time that they had free. my mother cares for my sisters kids and is there all the time. it feels like they want to cut me lose more than anything really.
i'd had an admission to a psych hospital a week or so before the visit. perhaps this is what the leper treatment is about. they were so stand offish. it has hurt in the past but I am bewildwered by their transparency. I feel like the worst person in the world. but like real bullies they won't say what the problem is.
my mother has then gotten a close friend to ring up and ask obvious questions that my friend would never ask. prying.
or maybe I need another stay on the locked ward.
not sure now.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 05:52:13

I'm assuming you moved long-haul distance from them rather than the other way around. What prompted that, I wonder? It's fairly understandable that your DM cares for your sister's children if they're in the same location. Not nice that they found it so difficult to be hospitable, of course. Perhaps they feel resentful that you 'abandoned' them? Thirty years ago I moved 200 miles from my (grim) birthplace and I know my DM still thinks a) I did it to reject her and b) one day I'll see the light and move 'home'.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 05:53:32

BTW..... are you sure your mother is 'prying'? If things are difficult between you and if she finds mental illness upsetting (many do), might she not be going round the houses to find out how you are because she cares?

lolaisafuckertoo Mon 17-Mar-14 13:48:18

The visit is typical of the kind of behavior that goes on. Lots of excluding. BUllying in one form or another down the years. Pressure regarding my mental health, "interventions", led by my younger sister. possibly well meant but not helpful but refuses to see how lining my family up in fromt of me and telling me how much my mental health had damaged them was going to help.
I do think they feel abanoed. what I want to see is who is going to be in the kick seat now I am not there.
She is prying, because she has behaved so badly and knows how bad it was, she is not able to ring me herself.
We have a family load of mental health problems. suicides out the whazoo and she is ashamed of it. ashamed. she talks about it in whispers.

CookieDoughKid Tue 18-Mar-14 10:00:39

I think you need to try and move on and live your lives.You have very little interaction to your family. You are as much in control as you want to be and my guidance is try not to be slave to negative thoughts. Instead, concentrate on your efforts to those you do love and those who genuinely care about you.

lolaisafuckertoo Tue 18-Mar-14 19:21:28


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