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Thank you Mumsnet

(20 Posts)
Bitrustyandbusty Sun 16-Mar-14 17:31:31

This is my first post. I am a long time lurker and have learned a LOT from the wisdom on the relationship board in particular.

I found the courage to end my unhappy marriage at New Year, simply could not start another year of misery, I was utterly done with it.

My marriage was too long, and full of low grade emotional abuse. Reading these boards helped me to finally see it for what it was, to see him for what he is. And detach. It took me a long time to admit it to myself, never mind others. I have been putting on a brave face for years.

I feel liberated but am grieving. For the years, for what I had wanted and hoped for. It is an emotional roller coaster, which took me by surprise. I thought I had shed all my tears and processed it all in reaching a decision. You live and learn: I guess I am only human.

My decision was presented as a fair accompli. And I had researched the options, so was able to negotiate with him my preferred route. He moved out two weeks ago, we are now legally separated (pleased it was so quick!), the finances are sorted. Divorce will follow in a year on the grounds of already proven irreconcilable differences.

Happy days! Onwards and upwards, to a happier life.

So, I thank you all.

Bitrustyandbusty Sun 16-Mar-14 17:32:24

FAIT accompli! Oops.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 16-Mar-14 17:33:58

Congratulations and a hug. It's no wonder you're still feeling the emotional roller coaster- as you said your human. I hope you have good friends and family around you.

Wishing you all the best as you start your next chapter...may it bring you much happiness.


feathermucker Sun 16-Mar-14 17:38:23


Well done you thanks thanks thanks

Groovee Sun 16-Mar-14 18:20:14

Well done and hope that you have a wonderful future.

Lweji Sun 16-Mar-14 18:42:07

Congratulations. smile
Wishing you a happy future.

Handywoman Sun 16-Mar-14 18:42:17

Could have written your post word for word. I too am grieving even though I will never, ever, regret instigating the split.

Well done thanks

WowserBowser Sun 16-Mar-14 18:44:31

Well done op!

Here's to your new life wine

Missfishandchips Sun 16-Mar-14 18:45:46


Bitrustyandbusty Sun 16-Mar-14 19:13:19

Thank you all and congratulations to you handywoman x

FayeKorgasm Sun 16-Mar-14 19:16:49


It is wonderful isn't it. A bright future rather than a bleak existence.

Haveaheart Sun 16-Mar-14 19:28:55

Another one here who has lurked for a long time and mn has helped me through my separation, however I am finding the grief is making me vulnerable, I am becoming sentimental about the good times we had (although they were few and far between for a long time).
I'm hoping it's just a spell of loneliness that will pass and I will feel liberated like you do - I admire your attitude and your strength.

louby44 Sun 16-Mar-14 19:33:16

Yes I'm there with you. It's like coming out of a fog. I still miss him and our life together - but I don't miss the carp bits where he was horrible.

Good luck...onwards


AnyFucker Sun 16-Mar-14 19:34:31

Good for you. I am glad MN was helpful.

CuttedUpPear Sun 16-Mar-14 19:36:51

Well done and I hope you stick around on the boards now, you are not alone. brew

Bitrustyandbusty Sun 16-Mar-14 19:52:19

You will get there haveaheart it just takes time.
It is great to know there are so many other lurkers like me, educated and thus inspired to change their lives for the better. This makes me very happy. Life is too short!

Minnieisthedevilmouse Sun 16-Mar-14 19:54:39

Good luck and bonne voyage x

Haveaheart Tue 18-Mar-14 20:13:41

Thanks Bit rusty - have only just checked back on this as I felt embarrassed I may have put a downer on what started as a positive thread.
MN has helped me a lot and posts like yours inspire me - thank you and congratulations wine


well done- it certainly takes alot of courage. XX

Bitrustyandbusty Wed 19-Mar-14 21:08:58

Don't feel embarrassed haveaheart there was no downer! It just is what it is, the emotional rollercoaster of happiness and hope for new beginnings, balanced with the inevitable regret and sadness, the grieving for what you had wanted, and hoped for. If you know in your heart that you made the right decision, as I do, then you just have to ride with the bad times. I have faith they will become less intense, and fewer and further between. You cannot turn back the clock. And it's OK to wish you could!

Onwards and upwards!

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