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Talk me out of exploding/crying

(8 Posts)
Sundrenched Sun 16-Mar-14 15:36:37

Ex left when I was pregnant. Our relationship had always been up and down. The pregnancy was unplanned, and he took it badly, which I took badly. He later said he wanted to be involved, and insisted on going on the birth certificate.

A few weeks ago after weeks of no contact, I confronted him and said he needed to tell me what he was prepared to commit to in seeing DD and stick to it, and if that was nothing, that was nothing, but I just wanted things clear. He said he knew he had been a waste of space and would get better. For one week, he turned up as we had agreed, one weekday evening and then a couple of hours at the weekend. Since then it is the same old story.

This weekend he promised he would be around on Sunday afternoon, but I haven't heard from him at all. DD is four months old now, so obviously she doesn't really notice if he is around or not. But I thought he was a better man than this. He has a new girlfriend now, who is the obvious priority over DD. sad. He had the chance to walk away completely, why didn't he take it? I feel so rubbish at the moment.

Moneywise he does contribute, but not very much, as the amount was agreed assuming he would see her quite often and pay for things as and when.

I just want to shout at him and say 'but you promised' but there is clearly no point.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 16-Mar-14 15:42:43

I would now look to formalising any future contact from him through the courts and to look to the CSA re maintenance. This man was never going to play nice and he has kept you on a string long enough. Being reasonable and nice with such men never ever works out well.

Sundrenched Sun 16-Mar-14 15:58:13

Stupidly I was still hoping that we would be able to make it work. I know I will be able to do it on my own, because I will have to. But I am feeling so sad and disappointed for DD.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 16-Mar-14 16:36:35

Definitely formalise the contact and financial support legally. Get in touch with CAB, the CSA and consider talking to a solicitor. He may let you down and he may let DD down but the legal system will neither explode nor cry if he fails to keep to his side of the agreement. They'll just go after him.

Sundrenched Sun 16-Mar-14 17:18:01

It looks like the CSA are not taking on new cases after November 2013? Or have I misunderstood?

LavenderGreen14 Sun 16-Mar-14 17:43:10

It is Child Maintenance Options now HERE

tribpot Sun 16-Mar-14 17:49:24

I thought he was a better man than this

Why? He left you when you were pregnant. He's gone weeks between contact visits, pretty much to suit himself. Trust me, this isn't someone you want to 'make it work' with. Far better for your dd to have casual contact with someone who is unable to provide for her emotionally, than you carry on flogging this particular dead horse and upsetting yourself.

niceupthedance Sun 16-Mar-14 17:49:40

My advice would be to concentrate on you and the baby and don't waste your precious energy trying to get him to do the decent thing. It will all come out in the wash one way or another but you need to take care of yourself for now.

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