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I've just had my DH arrest

(41 Posts)
Thebluedog Sun 16-Mar-14 00:50:40

Just that really hmm

He assaulted me, hand over mouth, pinning me to the floor, pushed and shoved in all directions. I had to bite his hand at one point as he was, I've just had 2 hours of this because he wouldn't let me leave the house. I can honestly say I've never been so terrified in my life!

He was drunk and our relationship has been rocky for a while. He had mh problems and stopped taking his meds and drank.

He's never done anything like this before.. But I was right wasn't I? To phone the police? I felt like someone else having to hide the phone under the pillow as he broke the other 2 in the house to stop me.

I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't managed to so that.

My poor kids, 2 and 6 got woke up with all the noise.

I just need handholding. I feel my life has just stopped. Will he be allowed to come home?

What happens now?

Sorry I'm all over the place

FabBakerGirl Sun 16-Mar-14 15:54:15

I really hope he did not come back to the house and you and your children are safe now.

Lweji Sun 16-Mar-14 14:52:11

If by any chance the police take him back home, just leave. Take the children and leave.

I hope you have contacted NCDV to make sure he has to stay away from you.

In any case, if he is released, be careful.

hamptoncourt Sun 16-Mar-14 14:48:11

OP when similar happened to me I was shocked that the police (women!) released XH and brought him back to the house.

They said that as he co owned it I could not stop his access unless I got an occupation/non molestation order, which I couldn't do at midnight!!!

Please speak to the police and find out what they intend to do with him.

oldgrandmama Sun 16-Mar-14 08:11:45

Just come to this thread - please, OP, make sure you get photos of your injuries, also hospital/doctor's report. I hope you are seeing a doctor about the injuries - visit to A & E?

What a horribly frightening experience. I am now feeling so worried about you.

tribpot Sun 16-Mar-14 08:04:55

You really need someone with you, OP. At the very least the police should have left you details of Victim Support? If not, please try and call Women's Aid today to discuss what options are available to you in terms of some physical support.

A sustained, two-hour assault in which he cut off your escape routes could have ended in your death. Sorry to put that so bluntly, but I have a feeling in the cold light of day today you will start to doubt your own memory of what happened or start to make up justifications for what he did because the alternative is so horrifying.

He may be genuinely remorseful today, but he must not be allowed back into your house. If there are MH issues for him to address, he needs to talk to his team and get that process under way far from you. Your children desperately need to know that you, and they, are safe in their own home.

You may also want to go and have your injuries checked out today. Have the police taken photographs?

Be very kind to yourself today - try to eat, have some warm, sweet tea.

headlesslambrini Sun 16-Mar-14 08:02:03

So sorry to see this. I really hope you managed to get some sleep. You will need to make some decisions today and you need support to help you do this. Ring your family. They might live away but within an hour they will be on their way to you. You need them.

Mama1980 Sun 16-Mar-14 07:51:16

You are brave and did absolutely the right thing. I hope you and your children got some rest. Have you any real life support, someone to be with you?
Sending support and strength x

newsandreviews Sun 16-Mar-14 07:48:49

Hope you are feeling okay. You absolutely 100% did the right thing. Have a lovely day with your kids

GingerBlondecat Sun 16-Mar-14 06:04:15

(((((((((((((((((((((Long Hugs))))))))))))))))

mumofone25 Sun 16-Mar-14 05:53:48

Your so brave and you definately did the right thing. Well done. Thinking of you.

Lweji Sun 16-Mar-14 05:11:52

Keep being strong. You definitely did the right thing and you should take it to the last consequences. He is dangerous.

I hope you feel better tomorrow. Did the police take photos? You should be refereed to a specialist dv team.

In any case, contact WA for general advice in what to do, including safety, and local support.
Also ring ncdv for emergency injunction. He could want to return home, although he's likely to have conditions of release if he is.

Take care.
Remember you didn't cause this or have any reaponsibility about what happened. He did.
You should not be ashamed in any way. He should.

Thebluedog Sun 16-Mar-14 03:59:50

Thank you all for your kind words. Police have gone and I've given my statement. I'm off to get some sleep now as dd2 will be up in 2 hours grrrr

mmmmsleep Sun 16-Mar-14 02:46:17

well done for doing the right thing. if he held you by the throat and you have any problems swallowing or hoarse voice please do see a doctor. preferably someone trained in forensic medicine like the police surgeon but if not a&e and get photos. the reason I'm saying to see a dr if you were strangled and have any difficulties swallowing is that swelling in that area can affect your breathing and difficulty swallowing is a warning sign. they can give nebulised adrenaline and sometimes steroids in a&e to help with this if needed. sadly you won't be the first person they've seen in a&e /ER with this injury.

again well done for making that very hard call. I second the advice to call a domestic abuse charity for support. do get someone in rl to come round to support you. there is no shame in being a strong woman who has stood up to what is wrong and is teaching her children that violence is wrong.

sending hugs x

AdoraBell Sun 16-Mar-14 02:43:45

Well done for calling the police, absolutely the right thing To do.

Take Vicar's advice, give them a statement and follow through.

Take care of yourself and DCs and be kind To yourself. You didn't do this.

Logg1e Sun 16-Mar-14 02:41:08

Another one wishing you well OP.

saffronwblue Sun 16-Mar-14 02:30:20

Do you need medical care OP? How very brave you are!

ravenAK Sun 16-Mar-14 02:09:13

well done OP. You did absolutely the right thing for yourself & your children.

Hope you get some rl support in the morning? Sorry this has happened.

LettertoHermioneGranger Sun 16-Mar-14 02:01:41

Very well done. You did the right thing, the best thing for you and your children. You were brave to do so.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 16-Mar-14 01:42:05

dont blame yourself. This is not your fault. let him feel the shame of what he has done. him. not you.

he will be out of the house for tonight - use that space to call womens aid.
are you intending to have him back?
or is the relationship over?

dont worry about being honest if its not - but the situation will alter the advice a little....

Thebluedog Sun 16-Mar-14 01:33:14

Yes this is the first time and I do intend to follow through. I've just seen my face and my mouth and cheeks are all bruised.

I'm just shocked.. I'd never in a million years thought this would happen.. How could I get it so wrong.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 16-Mar-14 01:25:47

police will encourage you to give a statement - give one and follow through.
is this the first time this has happened? if its his first offence he might just get a caution but could be a wake up call.

if its not the first time let the police do their job. help them. dont retract your statement. let your kids see this is not acceptable. let him see that too.

Thebluedog Sun 16-Mar-14 01:20:22

I will do thank you for your concern... The police will be back in a minute so I may drop offline

Northernlurker Sun 16-Mar-14 01:09:23

You're doing really well OP. I'm concerned about your bruising though. Is it your mouth and throat that's bruised? If you have any ice cubes you could try using those but I do wonder if it would be a good idea to get a medical opinion?

Jenda Sun 16-Mar-14 01:08:22

You absolutely did the right thing, I am sure the police will say the same when they come back. I'm so sorry this has happened to you

Thebluedog Sun 16-Mar-14 01:06:53

Yes Northern, without a shadow of a doubt that will never ever happen again...

I keep going over it in my head and when I say it out loud it sound absurd.

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