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Am I wrong to be annoyed with X about contact?

(9 Posts)
Blossomflowers Sat 15-Mar-14 15:32:43

After a little nudging from me X has started to see DS (13) on more regular basis, we had agreed Friday night and Tues or Wend dep on work commitments. Last week we agreed Wend but then X said he could not do it because of work ( his choice self employed) let that one slide, had DS last night as agreed but turned up over an hour late and now DS has told me X has arranged to take DS fishing all day Sunday. I will now look the bad guy if I say no, did kind of plans for us. DS has also announced he is not sure if he wants to go as will miss me.Just pissed off really.

Nomama Sat 15-Mar-14 16:02:11

Tell DS to go and have fun with his dad. Tell him you look forward to hearing all about it, drowning worms and all. And what would he like for his tea when he gets back?

Tell him you can re organise your plans and that you will miss him too, but you will also enjoy having some time to yourself to do 'girly' things.

Then sit on your hands, don't phone or text. Have a good day, all to your self.

Good luck!

Lweji Sat 15-Mar-14 16:36:02

Hmm. Slippery slope.
It sounds like he wants a getaway and your son is quite rightly not wanting to play along with someone who isn't that bothered.
I might let this one slip and encourage DS to go to see if they get used to each other. But beware of allowing too many changes to contact. Take a step back and let him do the running. As your DS is already 13 they can sort it out and he can seek to see his dad, or not.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sat 15-Mar-14 16:50:13

Let this one go.

Definitely encourage your DS to go and have fun.

But, if it happens again, the following text-

'We agreed contact on X and X days. If that doesn't work for you, we can always discuss. But while I will do my very best to facilitate mutually agreed contact, I won't go out of my way to facilitate being messed around. As DS gets older I'm sure that it's going to need both of us to work together to make sure contact is prioritised. So if I were you I wouldn't bite the hand that feeds you too hard, if you know what I mean.'

Blossomflowers Sat 15-Mar-14 16:54:47

I will let this one go but think it only fair that he should stick to what we have agreed.I think X is beginning to realise that being alone is not all he thought it would. Almost feel like he is using DS as company. Sadly I am not sure I can trust him to stay sober, he turned up very hungover last Sunday and took boys straight to supermarket to buy booze for last Sun day's fishing trip.(so I found out afterwards)

Lweji Sat 15-Mar-14 17:00:39

If he's drinking while with them, then I'd restrict contact.
And make it very clear that this time was an exception and I'd expect agreed times to be kept, as you need to be able to make plans. But make sure you have back up plans if you want to be away and he doesn't show up. Don't depend on him.

Blossomflowers Sat 15-Mar-14 17:09:03

Luckily when he stays @ his place, he takes him to the pub which is walking distance. trouble is when they are out, especially fishing. X could not go the day without a drink. If say anything then I will be a controlling bitch.
lweji think you were on my thread during split and reasons why.

Lweji Sat 15-Mar-14 17:34:33

Maybe smile

The problem is not about saying anything, but their safety. You could cut contact, or insist on supervised contact, or regular alcohol tests, if you think it's unsafe. And let him prove himself.
It's not about trying to change him, but ensuring the children are safe and well cared for.

hamptoncourt Sat 15-Mar-14 18:02:28

I don't think I would allow my DC to go fishing with a drunk man, even at 13.

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