Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

So many regrets.

(6 Posts)
Emilizz Sat 15-Mar-14 12:58:23

Im not really looking for advice but just feel so sad.

My bestfriend and I fell out 8 years ago and then just happened to meet by chance a few months ago. We got chatting and arranged to meet up for dinner and a chat.

Before we could get around to doing this, she was suddenly diagnosed with a serious form of cancer requiring surgery, radiotherapy and chemo. Her prognosis is uncertain.

We are now meeting up regularly and im doing my best to support her through all the fears that she cant voice to her dh and children. Its as if the argument never happened. There's no awkwardness at all.

However I feel so sad about all the years of friendship that we missed out on and I regret not picking up the phone years ago.I think she probably feels the same.

BeforeAndAfter Sat 15-Mar-14 13:21:49

Tell her what you've written here.

I'm in a similar situation. We didn't row but just lost contact. When I recontacted her about 10 years later she was battling a rare and aggressive cancer. She now has secondary cancer. We still talk about why we lost contact but we celebrate that we're back together. In a strange way I think we appreciate our friendship more now. We also say I love you. It's a very rewarding and fulfilling friendship and knowing she won't be here in a year or so means we're cramming in good times, holidays and memories.

pinkpaws Sat 15-Mar-14 13:23:56

I think you can look at this two ways waste time with regrets . Or be thankful that you both had a chance meeting which brought you back together. This is one of the beautiful chances in life to start again grab it with both hands good luck and god bless you both

quesadilla Sat 15-Mar-14 13:31:32

don't feel regret... ultimately real, deep friendship is about this. The fights, the differences of opinion about petty things don't count for anything in the long term.

I have an old and dear friend who I fell out with for about 8/9 years because I loathed her then partner (and the feeling was mutual). She was very uncomfortable about the situation and essentially -- and probably without having much choice in the matter -- chose him over me. We saw each other periodically over that point when we bumped into one another with other people and didn't speak. I was eaten up with anger and resentment about it for years.

They split up, we bumped into one another and the friendship picked up. As you said, its like the past decade didn't happen.

Things come that stand in the way of friendships temporarily, but ultimately if a friendship is meant to be its all as nothing. Friendships go through different phases and wax and wane depending on other stuff in the background. Just because a friendship goes onto the backburner for a period doesn't invalidate it.

Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about this. Hold onto the fact that you have regained this important relationship at a time when it matters. Enjoy your time together.

stowsettler Sat 15-Mar-14 15:45:56

There's no doubt everything must seem bittersweet, but personally I think it's a wonderfully inspiring story. You will be there for your friend during the hardest period of your life and really brings into sharp focus just what is important in life. Wishing you and your friend all the strength in the world.

Emilizz Sat 15-Mar-14 17:16:36

Thank you all for the lovely replies and good wishes. They made me feel quite tearful ( in a good way).

BeforeandAfter, I wish you and your friend all the very best and hope you will have lovely memories to share.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now