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Dh miserable in his job

7 replies

kansasmum · 15/03/2014 12:19

Dh has a very well paid job that's he's been doing for about 2 years. He's been in this line of work (senior management in Sales and Marketing) for years.
I used to work as a nurse but we moved overseas for 5 years so my registration has lapsed plus we had ds out there (he's 7 now) so I've been at home for past 11 years.
I now work part time in a preschool as support for a boy with additional needs. I earn minimum wage.
So basically my Dh is breadwinner and pays for everything. Obviously my wages go into the pot but tbh it's such a small amount it barely registers!
Anyway Dh is REALLY miserable and hates his job. I mean really hates it. Feels the company is crap and he wakes up dreading every day. He works from home so is isolated. He works long hours cos of time differences. I have said to him to look for another job but I think he would like to do something else entirely but doesn't know what. He feels he's letting me and the kids down as we are used to this lifestyle but I've told him that's bollocks and his happiness is more important etc. our eldest dd is getting married next year and I know he wants to help them with a deposit for a house which we can do with his current salary. I love our home and where we live but would move somewhere smaller if necessary. I just want him happy but he doesn't know what to do job wise and I don't know what to suggest.
Has anybody made a massive career change at 45 and changed their entire lifestyle? Has it worked ? I have no idea what I can do work wise for the future. Don't really want to go back to nursing but that's all I've done other than my current p/t job.

I want my happy Dh back. Sorry for waffling!

I just don't know what to suggest to him.

OP posts:

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Lweji · 15/03/2014 12:32

To start with, you don't need to pay a deposit for a house for your daughter.
And, regardless, I think it may well be a good move for you to get back into nursing and a proper salary, just in case.
He says he's unhappy with the job at the moment, but it wouldn't surprise me if he suddenly said he was unhappy with his whole life and wanted to bail out on you as well. (ok, maybe too much Relationships, but it's not unheard of)
Then, put the responsibility on him. If he's unhappy, he should look for other jobs, or for what he really wants to do. Sometimes, though it's just not possible or that easy to change that much.

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ForalltheSaints · 15/03/2014 12:54

He ought to be looking for another job and hopefully you can be supportive in this.

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hamptoncourt · 15/03/2014 14:15

Yes, I made a massive career change at 45. It was a real leap of faith and very risky but it has really paid off now, three years later. I am now actually better off than I was before, and although I work long hours and my job is stressful, I love it. I never ever have that sinking feeling about going to work, I look forward to it.

Your DH sounds very demotivated to change though, is there something else going on here? Could he be suffering from depression? It seems odd to me that he is dreadfully unhappy but doesn't want to do anything about it. I would find that attitude pretty irritating tbh.

Perhaps you could both benefit from some type of careers counselling?

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BIWI · 15/03/2014 14:18

I've just made a major change - gave up running my own business (had been self-employed/running my own thing for 16 years) and went back into paid employment - at the age of 54. So it's not impossible to change.

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MadeMan · 15/03/2014 19:30

"He's been in this line of work (senior management in Sales and Marketing) for years. "

Christ, no wonder he's depressed, tell him to get a job on the dust; probably plenty of overtime available too.

Apparently a lot of people look for a change in career once they hit middle age, so he isn't alone in getting fed up with his current line of work.

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nerofiend · 15/03/2014 21:43

Cannot you give your DO a bit of a break by you returning to full time work and him staying at home and doing the less earning job?

He's probably having a melt down from doing a job he doesn't particularly enjoy in order to earn money to keep you and kids.

If I were in that situation, I'd try to give him a break by me going to work. If you have to downsize due to it, so be it. At least you've tried your very best to upload the load of his shoulders. He can then start looking into new careers paths without having to worry about making money at the same time.