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Ex and OW request. Just need to get this out.

(14 Posts)
RollerCola Sat 15-Mar-14 09:44:45

I just need to get this out somewhere as I can't really rant irl. My ex and I separated last July after 23 yrs. Dcs 11 & 7. Relationship great until we had the children, then he became miserable, negative about everything, moody. Never did anything with the kids, never wanted to do anything with me, no sex for last few yrs etc etc.

I caught him twice during our relationship texting & phoning other women & have always suspected that was just the tip of the iceberg. He was v secretive with his phone, met another woman on a weekend away etc. But he would never admit he'd done anything wrong. Said they were all just friends etc.

So we finally split in July, but he didn't move out till Sept. The day before he left I found yet another bunch of texts to another woman and this had apparently been ongoing for months if not years.

I've now moved on and met a new guy. Ex continues to be miserable. I told him I was seeing someone & he didn't like it. He doesn't want me to introduce him to the children yet (this is fine though as I'm not ready to)

Then yesterday he called me and finally admitted he was seeing this woman. I knew already obviously, had seen their 'likes' to each other on facebook all last year which used to make me feel sick. I did send her a short message last year to say I knew, and that I knew she was married. (Not particularly proud of this as it prob seemed quite threatening but I wanted her to know I knew)

So he called me yest and started gushing about her. She's been in an abusive relationship, her dh is a twat who nearly raped her and she's been trying to get out for years. Ex has no doubt 'helped her' to finally leave but apparently she's terrified that I'm going to tell her husband and my ex rang to ask me not to! My ex is so convinced that he's done nothing wrong he said that now she's left him, he's not been 'having an affair' or anything.

So both of them have conveniently forgotten that they were both emotionally involved with each other when ex was with me and when she was with her husband. And they have the nerve to ask me not to say anything!

I'm not going to, but a part of me really wants to!! I will be the better person and walk away with my head up, but how can they think this is the basis of a good relationship? They've both cheated on their partners so how can they not think the other might cheat on THEM?

I'm blazing, but holding my tongue. What an absolute pair of knobs.

And deep breath.. grin

DrankSangriaInThePark Sat 15-Mar-14 09:46:46

Stay well out of it.

Leave them to it.

Do not agree, do not disagree, just disengage. flowers

hamptoncourt Sat 15-Mar-14 09:50:33

Yes they are a pair of knobs, but you sound waaay too invested.

Why are you looking at your XH facebook? It sounds like you have been winding yourself up looking at how they "liked" each others statuses. Why would you do this to yourself? Block him. Do it now.

Next time he starts talking about her or their relationship stop him and tell him it's TMI.

You say you have a new partner but you don't really sound like you are over the ex. Sorry.

gamerchick Sat 15-Mar-14 09:50:45

Ignore them..The sitting stressing about it is enough.. they'll always be wondering if you will.

Good luck in your new relationship.. those 2 sound as if they deserve each other.

redshoeblueshoe Sat 15-Mar-14 09:51:26

Drank said it all.
Ignore, and he doesn't get a say on what you say or do.

MorrisZapp Sat 15-Mar-14 09:54:12

Stay well out of this mess, you've moved on now and this crap is best left in the past. Block any FB contact etc, ignore non child related texts.

RollerCola Sat 15-Mar-14 10:14:28

Sorry I meant the facebook stuff was going on last year when we were still together. I blocked him a while ago because I really don't want to see what he's up to.

I think I'm just really annoyed now that after all that's gone on they're both now asking me 'not to say anything'

I've tried very hard to disengage from him, but yes I'm probably still attached to him in some part, I have to be because the kids see him a lot.

I'm not one for dramas and have tried my best to stay very civil with him for the children's sakes but in reality I just want to sever ties with him completely.

Ah well, guess they're welcome to each other.

Monetbyhimself Sat 15-Mar-14 10:40:25

Well obviously you're not going to say anything to her husband. But you don't need to tell the happy couple that you're not going to say anything wink

RollerCola Sat 15-Mar-14 11:16:47

I'll be honest and say there's a part of me that glad she's shitting herself. There's still a lot I want to say to both of them but there's no point as obviously neither of them will think they've done anything wrong.

Has anyone done the thing where they write a letter & then burnt it? Does it help get things out?

redshoeblueshoe Sat 15-Mar-14 11:31:06

Yes.
Here : Dear X, you are a Knob, and your so called GF doesn't even want to leave her poor deluded H. Ha ha ha grin
Roller

whitsernam Sat 15-Mar-14 13:09:17

I have done the thing where you write a letter and burn it!! And it does help. Maybe. You can write out all the things you really want to say to him and to her, and even keep it for a few days and edit it to get it exactly right. Then I buried it in the garden, where it would take a long time to disintegrate (burning goes so fast!) and it actually did help me to forget about a lot of things. Writing seems to get it all out for me, and helps me organize my thoughts; I can see what is illogical, etc. but then I was done with it.

You can try it! If it doesn't work, it doesn't; but you tried anyway, and that is something worth remembering. Maybe have a counsellor help you with this? I found counselling very helpful for myself....

meditrina Sat 15-Mar-14 13:19:31

If they solicit your silence again, I would be telling them that you will not be seeking him out to tell him anything. But if anyone asks you a direct question, you will tell them the truth from your pov.

I think it would be wrong to stir up a potential hornets' nest. But do not think you should actively lie, or let them think you would.

Writing out the things you might otherwise want to say might help. Worth a try, anyhow.

RollerCola Sat 15-Mar-14 13:34:06

Thanks meditrina, yes I agree that's a good idea. I won't actively go looking to cause trouble but if anyone asks me I won't lie either.

I think I probably need counselling about this.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Sat 15-Mar-14 14:01:07

I would simply tell him that you are not involving yourself in the situation but make it clear that if you are asked, you are not going to lie for him.

The gushing about the other woman is a stupid thing that he's done, but my STBXH sat here last month and did the same thing, in front of our 2 small DCs, with no regard for them hearing any of it. Prat.

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