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Too sensitive person- any advice please!

(9 Posts)
Stressedbutwelldressed Fri 14-Mar-14 20:31:03

Hi
Long term mumsnet lurker, first time poster just after some advice. Sorry if this is a bit jumbled!

Just some background, I haven't had much luck with relationships in the past- I think I've got problems with getting too attached and emotionally invested. I've had 2 long term relationships and looking back I become way to emotionally involved too quickly and ended up hurt and ultimately feeling rejected.

recently I have tried online dating, went on one date with this lovely chap- fancied him straight away got on like a house on fire (or so I thought) since he text me a few times. I find myself checking my phone all the time and thinking about him a lot- it has now been quite a few days since he replied and I can see he's read them (on what's app). I know feel very down and tearful and I know this isn't a ''normal" reaction- just wondered if anyone had been this sensitive and managed to stop? I think I have issues with rejection in general?
I can see its not a normal reaction- I am a grown woman and this has got me sat in tears!
Any advice appreciated

pinkroses5 Fri 14-Mar-14 20:39:24

Hello, I've been in the same situation many times so I know how you feel. Best advice I can give is try and speak to some other guys online and try to forget this one as he doesn't seem too keen if he's reading your messages and not replying. Don't be upset - it is not you... It's him!! X

wiseoldowl Fri 14-Mar-14 20:42:10

Sorry OP,don't think you're tough enough for OD,lot of players on there.
I suggest you read'why men love bitches'by Sherry Argov. Its about self respect!

TwixTime Fri 14-Mar-14 22:07:16

As a self confessed people pleaser who is prone to be sensitive at times I totally understand. Please don't place your self worth on other peoples actions/behaviour though

You sound like a lovely caring individual. This might sound like nonsense but I would recommend reading some positive affirmations. Just google them and try it! I have a lovely DH but often use these if I feel a bit low or let down by someone.

Hope you feel better soon

MeMySonAndI Sat 15-Mar-14 16:00:22

I think you are not ready for dating, you need to be happy on your own before you can make a relationship work.

If everything in your life gives way so you can focus completely in a relationship, you will end up asphyxiating that relationship. You need to have a life, a satisfying one, out of the relationship in order to keep it balanced and healthy.

Stressedbutwelldressed Sat 15-Mar-14 21:39:25

Thanks for your advice everyone! Taken it on board and have downloaded that book.
Have decided to give dating a rest for a while- try and work on my relationship with myself and hopefully improve that!
Thanks again

TalkingintheDark Sun 16-Mar-14 07:42:54

From another angle, what was your relationship with your parents like when you were growing up? Did they make you feel secure in yourself and in your relationship with them?

It sounds to me like you may have abandonment issues, which can come from parents not being emotionally present for their DC in various ways, not just from physically abandoning them.

That's another avenue you may like to explore, because that often leads to intense feelings of rejection later on in life, getting invested too quickly, and inexplicably strong reactions when people let you down.

I agree with taking time out to get to know and nurture yourself more. And be kind to yourself!

MeMySonAndI Sun 16-Mar-14 16:45:38

... But just remember that one thing is to explore why you are like that and anothrr one is to pass the blame, as you can't control de environment but you can control how you react to it.

The fact that you want to take a step back, and sort yourself up before trying dating again, shows that you are doing your best to take responsibility and control of your life. So well done, that's a great start :-)

Gretagumbo Sun 16-Mar-14 19:18:05

Yea I totally had this about 2 months ago.

Left my 13 yr relationship about 9 months ago gave it about 6 months and got in touch with an acquaintance. We met up for a drink and he gave me the 'you're beautiful' line, sex text me when drunk and then the dumping by silence. It was all really confusing. I confronted him as I was cross and I kind of expected him to just tell me if he wasn't interested.

I was absolutely gutted, it hurt bad. I moped for a few weeks, there were tears too. I felt that I'd acted too desperate, was I too honest, had I acted weird when we met, was I a psycho for confronting him, why didn't he want me, no one wants me and so on. Time heals but all this shit still enters my head at times.

But it gave me a kick start in realising my self esteem was dragging on the floor. I joined the gym and decided to try and make myself feel better first. I am thinking of doing online dating but I'm in no rush.

Book a night out with the girls, helped me no end to hear 'he's a twat, you are well fit' . Sometimes it just helps to talk it through. I also think how much more awful I would have felt if I had slept with him.

Take care xxx

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