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Anyone else go off their DH/DP as part of PMT each month?

(61 Posts)
littletent Thu 13-Mar-14 23:53:19

I've noticed that I seem to go off DP every month, for the week before my period, as though it's part of PMT.

I get moodier, more irritable, sore boobs, cramps, a bit edgy/paranoid, etc, before my period - nothing unusual about that I don't think. But I'm beginning to wonder if actually feeling a bit sometimes quite a lot hostile towards your partner is normal too, or if it's just me. blush

We have our stresses and strains like everyone, but most of the time seem to potter along pretty contentedly - and then predictably, a week before I'm due on, he can't do anything right, I'm questioning our relationship, we argue, I don't want him in the same bed ... God, I feel awful just writing that. But it is how I seem to feel most months; for a week or so, our relationship feels like Hard Work. It's like I see it through totally different eyes, and wonder if I should even be with him.

And then usually within a day or so of coming on, I feel OK about him again. confused

Can hormones really influence perception this much? And if so, why would our hormones have us go off our mates and destabilise our families every month?! Maybe it's just me. sad

I feel guilty about my behaviour towards DP. I feel confused by my changing feelings most months and about how much my perception must be out versus how much DP is genuinely being irritating/unreasonable/whatever. And I wonder if anyone else can relate to this, and if there's anything we can do about it. (I bloody hope so, otherwise what will the hormonal upheaval of menopause be like for poor DP?!)

Any thoughts? Thanks.

iggy155 Fri 14-Mar-14 00:22:54

I could have written this! I dread my time of the month as the week before is awful. I know I'm being a bitch to DH but I just can't control it. it feels like the end of the world! angry Then as soon as I come on, all is well again! Really hope someone has some ideas/solutions! !

wouldbemedic Fri 14-Mar-14 00:40:12

I feel the same way! It's got to be a hormones thing, it really does.

wouldbemedic Fri 14-Mar-14 00:40:35

I feel the same way! It's got to be a hormones thing, it really does.

tiptop2 Fri 14-Mar-14 00:51:04

Yup this is me. Hate it, my dp gets very confused and I never seem to work out it's happening until my P comes and the fog lifts. Exercise def helps but haven't found a solution yet

beaglesaresweet Fri 14-Mar-14 00:56:56

maybe you could try to be out more than usual, or ask him to go out with friends/to the gym etc most nights that week grin - I'm sure he'll understand that it's for his own good! You'll still be grumpy but not at him so much.

HairyGrotter Fri 14-Mar-14 07:55:58

I become a bit of a nightmare on the week lead up, DP knows my cycle better than me. He deals with it beautifully, he sees how hard it is for me to 'control' my emotions, and outbursts, he just deals with it by being patient, recognising it's hormones, and just cuddles me.

I've been known to rip him a new one then cry instantly feeling awful. He takes it like a man and I couldn't ask for a more understanding fellow.

I can be really mean and horrible hmm I just hate that lead up!!!

whippetwoman Fri 14-Mar-14 08:43:53

I am exactly the same. Always the week leading up to it. My partner knows this now and is usually pretty good about it but sometimes I feel 'the rage'. Some months are worse than others but I really do put it down to hormones!
You are not alone.

ConfusedDotty Fri 14-Mar-14 08:51:52

Another one who is exactly the same. I tend to keep to myself as much as possible because I know I am being a total bitch and I feel so so sorry for DP. He is really understanding about it, he's perfect.

I have been known to sit in a warm bath sobbing for ages in the week before my period. When I think about it's always been like this but I have only just realised what was causing it over the last two years.

I hate it.

Beachcomber Fri 14-Mar-14 09:02:39

I get this too. Not every month but often enough that I can see a pattern. Although I also have the issue of not realising that it is related to my period when I am having the actual feelings.

I sometimes wonder if there is a certain amount of truth to how I feel at this time and I remember a wise friend once saying to me that we should harness this sort of energy in order to sort things out or redress any imbalances in a relationship. I think she meant that there is a sort of raw truth to how we experience our circumstances at that particular time in our cycle and that we shouldn't ignore it as "just" PMT.

having said that I know that I definitely blow some things out of proportion but I have also sorted out things in our relationship that needed sorting but that I would probably just put up with if PMT feelings didn't make them unbearable.

It can be very horrible and distressing some months though. I live abroad and I find PMT can sometimes bring on terrible homesickness. I also can be quite irritable with the children and I don't like that. Although again, I try to harness it and use it for things that they do need me to be a bit less slack on.

Anyway, you are not alone! Last month I think DH really thought I was going to leave him and come back to the UK (we live in France and have been here nearly 20 years). He doesn't seem to see the pattern either when we are in the thick of it!

FracturedViewOfLife Fri 14-Mar-14 09:34:22

Yep, me too.

Ovulation is also horrible but for different reasons. It never used to be this bad. It seems to be getting worse over time. Especially over the last 2/3 years. I think that If it keeps accelerating at this rate I will have to go to the doctors.

redundantandbitter Fri 14-Mar-14 09:49:56

I feel for you. PMT is a killer. For a while last year I started taking evening primrose oil (as a last resort type thing) and actually I felt a difference (wasn't particularly hopeful). Kind of got out of the habit after twat face left me and its returned - accompanied by the big lumpy neck spots (mmmm attractive). My doctor wasn't the least bit interested when I discussed PMT . But it can't hurt to ask. hmm

Ovulation is murder too. Ex woke up my sexuality and now I'm stuck feeling incredibly horny for a few days each month and don't quite know what to do with myself (apart from the obvious).

Hormones are a bleedin minefield . I feel for you.

FracturedViewOfLife Fri 14-Mar-14 09:57:45

I would just go on the pill probably. It killed every bit of sex drive and mad me quite sad though so I would rather not.

I just looked up EPO and apparently it helps your hair and nails too. I will pick some up when I'm in town and give it a go. Thanks.

Stockhausen Fri 14-Mar-14 10:35:18

My mum was like this, she used to fight with my steps as & basically tell him to leave if he wanted to, but it was all hormonal & cyclical and they loved the bones of each other.

I struggle with pmt too, despite the coil & lack of periods, I still get very sore boobs, low mood & I'm very irritable.

It can be made worse by vitamin or mineral deficiencies, a good supplement like magnesium ok might help, but can take a while. Evening promise, starflower etc, but be careful as they can affect hormonal contraception.

dippydaisy1 Fri 14-Mar-14 11:46:21

Me too! Its murder. I regularly want to run away at this time. As beachcomber so wisely said, sometimes it brings things that need to be tackled into focus.

Dahlen Fri 14-Mar-14 11:50:43

If it's affecting your life in other ways, it may be time to seek some help about getting your PMT under control.

However, first take a good, long look at your relationship, particularly the balance of power in it as evidenced by who does most of the housework, makes big decisions, etc.

I once read an article (a long time ago now so can't remember where and can't post a link, sorry) which said that the way women view the world n the run up to their periods is actually a more accurate reflection of their reality than at any other time in their cycle when female hormones may encourage a more tolerant attitude. So, for example, if you only get pissed off during PMT week that DP has not emptied the dishwasher, perhaps the problem is that he's not emptying the dishwasher rather than your PMT.

Could be either end of the spectrum but worth thinking about.

whattheholyfeck Fri 14-Mar-14 14:11:04

raises hand

I am a terror a week before Aunty Flo comes to stay.

I question our relationship, turn into the most psycho bitch on the planet, and cry non stop. A total mess!

My OH just ignores me. Which also drives me mental as I want a reaction. When he points out that I am being hormonal I want to KILL HIM.

Jan45 Fri 14-Mar-14 14:12:13

As above, worth thinking if it's actually because you have unresolved issues with your partner and that's why it keeps coming up, rather than blaming it on your periods.

Mygoldfishrocks Fri 14-Mar-14 14:17:18

I sort of get this but deal with it differently.

I do feel tense, a bit down, paranoid, edgy etc. But I have complete control of it - as, I suspect , do the rest of you. Yes it's hormonal but unless you're crying in front of your boss , screaming at your children or going mad at your neighbour etc , it's controllable.

It's not my partners fault and can you imagine how you'd feel if your OH snapped at you non stop for a week every month?

So - I bear this in mind and deal with it differently. I read, I try and up exercise etc. I tell him I feel a bit pre mentstrual. But do I take it out on him ? No. Because I believe that we are not a slave to our hormones

Needadvice5 Fri 14-Mar-14 14:22:58

yep this is me too, I question everything about our relationship, I think about asking him to leave, can't stand him near me.

A few days later and we're back on track and everything is brilliant again. it drives me mad.

I hate myself for it.

bibliomania Fri 14-Mar-14 15:29:08

I read somewhere that the men you're sexually attracted to while on the pill are not necessarily the same men that you'll feel sexually attrached to while off it (cue some painful confusion when you come off and start trying for a baby). Not exactly answering your question, OP, but confirming that hormones are a big part of physical attraction.

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola Fri 14-Mar-14 16:47:17

I hate his guts sad

I'm going to the doctors about this.

HairyGrotter Fri 14-Mar-14 16:53:06

Well, we kinda ARE a slave to our hormones, we all are, men and women. Hormones are signals, they are information, we have no physical control over them.

As best many try, controlling them isn't possible, but we can 'lessen' the effect and note the problem before it becomes an attack.

I exercise weekly, eat well, and try and 'control' the mood swings, in fact, for 3 weeks of the month, I'm one of the most controlled level headed folk I know, and DP agrees with this, but he has read up on the subject, as well as he could, and empathises and agrees with the whole control issue. He knows I'm being unreasonable, hell I know I'm being unreasonable, but trying to control your glands from sending out these hormones is like trying to control your heartbeat. You can't

As much as I hate to say it, I'm a slave to my biochemistry make up, and you are too

RedFocus Fri 14-Mar-14 17:03:54

Haha yes!! Exactly the same as you op. I just get on with it and explain to my husband that it's my hormones when I reject his advances. He still gets all silly though and thinks I don't love him. Big baby wink

puffylovett Fri 14-Mar-14 17:09:07

Me too OP! Dp irritates the fuck out of me for about 10 days, then when I finish my period I go back to fancying him again and wanting to do lots of naughty things. It's driving me a bit bonkers too!

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