I don't know if I should've posted in AIBU but feeling so fragile right now I don't think I could handle it ;-)
I guess part of me is possibly being childish and over sensitive ....
I've posted many times before, re my leaving DV and having to stay back with my parents for the short (ish) term (lord knows why i thought i'd find support here, but i had nowhere else to go)... I stay out of their way a lot and now I have a new partner I'm at his a lot.. (even when he's away.. as I never feel welcome at my parents and always in the way. I do have a voluntary job and trying to keep as busy as possible.. i'm well on the way to recovery but still have bad days and triggers.. to be honest most of which come from my parents,. I don't want to move in with DP, it's too soon ie two months, he hasnt asked and anyway it's not what i want at this stage.. and i'm sure he doesn't either..it's not something i even want to think about right now, although i'm sure my parents are hoping i will)
Both my parents are toxic and they enable each other.... yet I still love them and yearn for their support, which I know will never come.. and I'm nearly 43.. I feel so pathetic to even write this.
My brother, his wife and their 3 kids are coming to stay at my parents for a month this summer, from abroad. We are all looking forward to this.. for me it's been three years since seeing them(since they were last here).. but my parents go over there once a year
The issue is, that I have been told to completely vacate their home for a month as home will be too crowded. I don't have kids and am so lookiing forward to seeing the kids especially as i've not even met the baby. I am told that me staying is not an option. I asked if i could stay in lounge on a blow up mattress, answer is a resounding no as house will still be too crowded especially the one bathroom, etc.
So i am expected to go to DP's and/ or friends for a month. BUT... equally, expected to return each day, (44 mile round trip to DPs) to do family stuff and 'we need a secondary driver' ... ie they need me to be the second car for outings.
I feel a little hurt by this as i dont see how it hurts for me to stay over sometimes, it caused a huge argument when i suggested this ie help with bath, bed etc with the kids. They are stressed at the house containing 7 people as it is.
It's a 3 bed house, not small but not big.
I've also been told to clear out everything from my bedroom for the month they are over (and basically, not to bring it back!). I have nowhere for it to go. Everything i own, that i escaped with from ex, is in that room. There is no room at DP's and why should there be..it's my issue
Should i just grit my teeth and start looking into storage? Maybe i'm being selfish but im so sick of living out of bags as it is. Now i'm going to be living out of one bag for everything.
The other thing i should point out is.. the bedroom is full of my stuff in bags, as there is no storage. Reason being, that every cupboard and drawer (plus wardrobe) is full of my brother's stuff, even though he emigrated in 2000. He has no interest in this stuff and never sorts through it when he's over, yet my parents won't touch it, or let me touch it and are happy to keep it for him.
In the meantime I've been told to get rid of all my possessions
It's like a real trigger for me and i can't stop crying
I left with so little, as I literally grabbed what i could and threw it into the car
It's all i have
And they're telling me to get rid of it all
Meanwhile, there are drawers I could be using in the room, full of early 90s music mags..and exotic seashells (I 'm not joking! brother was a hoarder and collector as my dad still is) - things my brother won't throw out but doesn't actually want...
They don't even want me to 'waste my money' on storage
They think i should get rid of everything
eg every book.. only keep a few changes of clothes.. etc etc
When i look at my stuff, i see it as a mini victory eg stuff i got past ex before he destroyed it
This is going to sound like I have some hoarding issue, but I don't have tons of stuff
Yes I find it hard to let go.. it's all I have when i lost job, home , relationship and most of my stuff. It might be 'crap' but it's my crap! And it's stuff I need. My father thinks I can let it all go and start again. Some of it is irreplaceable. And this is coming from my father the hoarder!
I understand them wanting the room clear for bro and his wife. But to actually chuck the lot??! When I lost everything else? I feel they understand nothing of what I went through
I feel like they're saying 'you're not worth it and your stuff isnt worth it'
Why would they resent me keeping what little I have, which basically fills up about half a bedroom? it's not much to show for a life
I dont have money to replace this stuff, i came off sickness benefits and am now on JSA
It's going to take a lot to get back on my feet eg i don't own a stick of furniture.. and i'll soon be flat hunting.. why would i want to get rid of all my clothes?!
I feel like dirt and that they dont want me here at all and only want me visiting each day when bro is over, to help /drive ie to make their lives easier . They nag me to get a paid job 'oh but you'll be here for that month won't you? the kids will want to see their aunty! and we need a second driver'!
They moan about the logistics of now needing 2 cars to get around and being my bro's fault for having another kid and what a pain it is that their only grandkids are the other side of the planet
Yet when i made a light hearted comment about it not being my fault he had three kids now, i was told i was jealous, and being a selfish bitch (what, for wanting to stay some of the time that they'll be here?!) I should point out that my bro knows none of this ,and is a laidback person (sister in law, not so, and i think that's why my parents want the room clear and 'perfect' ie its keeping up with the joneses./. her parents are v v rich)
My brother has the charmed life with lovely house and kids, but im honestly happy for him and want to see his family. If i moan about getting my stuff out or not being allowed to stay, i'm told i'm hateful and jealous. I'm really not. But I do resent being chucked out as it were and told to get my stuff out too. .he will go back to his home after a hol and i'll still be registered as homeless and tryng to sort myself out. .i'm still suffering with depression and PTSD - I just wish they'd show some sensitivity.. i offer to get storage but i'm just told not to bother and to chuck it all out and basically chuck myself out too
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Relationships
Family issue...being 'chucked out' for family to stay at parents
alltoomuchrightnow · 13/03/2014 18:03
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