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unexpectedly pregnant and sick with worry :-((11 Posts)
I was told I couldn't have children and had years of treatment and IVF to get my DDs (twins who are now 4). It may be a bit naive but neither me or my DH thought we would have any more as we had so much trouble conceiving naturally. So imagine my surprise when I find I am around 9 weeks pregnant! Don't get me wrong I am delighted to find I'm not as 'broken' as I thought I was it's just that we were both made redundant last year, I had to take a big pay cut (about 50%) and my DH still hasn't got a permanent job. I'm really worried as I'm still on probation in my job and I haven't told them yet and I don't know how we'll get through the next year or so with my DDs starting school in September and hardly any money coming in. I'm feelng really sick and dizzy and emotional and this morning I snapped at my MIL who is wonderful and I feel so guilty and tomorrow I have to travel for 6 hours round trip to go to my Gran (who I loved very much) funeral :-( Anyone for hand holding and any advice on patching things up with MIL please :-(
Does MIL know you're pregnant? I'm sure she'll forgive you if she knows you're under stress. After the effort and timing of IVF natural conception can throw you completely off balance but seven months is a long time and all kinds of things could change between then and now. Nearly 15 years ago I found myself single, pregnant and about to lose my job and it's amazing what you can do when you're motivated.
First of all a <<hug>> and a of congratulations. Put everything else aside for a minute and what do we know? We know that you are pregnant with a sibling for your twins that you clearly want. that's really good news and it will be good news for the rest of your life. The stuff about jobs and money is important now but this will pass. your child is forever. CONGRATULATIONS
Now then everything else:
DON't TELL work for a bit. You have no obligation to do so and don't need to deal with that stress just now. They cannot dismiss you for being pregnant and they will know that. Hopefully they are decent, fair employers who wouldn't dream of screwing you over this but maternity leave has a bad effect on some employers and leaving it as late to tell as you can is usually a sound idea. When does your probation end?
Dh's job - there's another 7 months before your baby will be born and possibly a few weeks after that before your 6 week 90% maternity pay runs out so he has time yet to find a permanent job.
dd's starting school - this is good as it hopefully reduces childcare bills? ARe you entitled to tax credits and child benefit? Child benefit for three dcs is �188 every 4 weeks.
MIL - if you get on well with her then just tell her about teh baby and that you were in shock. I'm sure she will be able to support you. She's probably worrying you're ill or something. Honesty is best.
The funeral tomorrow - I'm very sorry for your loss. Funerals are always hard. Wrap up warm, keep hydrated and try to eat if you can face it. Those simple physical things will help you get through the day.
Have you told dh yet? don't be surprised if he goes in to 'OMG how will we afford it mode'. A lot of men do in this situation and it doesn't mean they're not welcoming a baby too. Just that they want their financial ducks in a row. Just keep saying 'the baby is not coming tomorrow' and pressing cups of tea in to his hand.
I can empathise. After over 10 yrs of infertility, two adopted children and a divorce, I found myself pregnant last year. I was also glad I wasn't "broken" but terrified. Totally and utterly petrified. I was a single parent and felt my family to be complete. I was totally shocked and panicked. In fact I was totally stressed out for the whole pregnancy, which wasn't good!
Now the baby is here, I am coping and everything is fine.
It seems terrible now but you will cope, people do everyday. Congratulations!
Congratulations OP, what wonderful news. Once the shock has blown over you'll find a way through. Explain to your MIL and she'll understand and hopefully be able to support you too.
Just think how, after those years of IVF, this unplanned baby is going to be a marvellous, surprise sibling for your DDs.
Your mil will be fine, possibly puts it down to grief and perhaps you can tell her after you have told your dh?
and are you going with someone to the funeral? I'm sorry about that if you feel dizzy then it might be nice if someone can drive you.
Take care of yourself, don't tell work yet until you have to, and it will be fine, things can be sorted as you go.
Hope the funeral went as well as can be expected today.
Take a deep breath and think about it logically.
I'm assuming that you want to continue the pregnancy and that you're just worrying about how you'll cope. You'll cope because you have to. The rest is just details.
It is illegal for your employers to dismiss you because of a pregnancy, so try not to worry about that.
You will be eligible for some state help with three children in the household and only one of you in paid employment. If the worst comes to the worst and your DH doesn't get another job in the interim, you'll cope on your wages and top-up benefits. It will be lean but doable. Many cope in just this situation.
Best of luck.
Thanks everyone for your supportive comments they have really made me feel better. The funeral went well and DH came with me and drove most of the journey. He is very excited about the baby as is my MIL who I have made up with now Told my work today because I've had a couple of sick days due to morning sickness and generally feeling like I need to sleep 24/7! They have been very supportive! So all in all feeling a lot better!
Oooh I'm so pleased to see your update. That's lovely everybody is getting excited.
Things will come right - this is great news. Ah I see they already have! I'm really pleased for you
I am sorry about your mother passing away... perhaps if you have a girl you can remember her in the naming? If that isn't a very crass thing to say - I'm a bit thick skinned so sorry if so.
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