I'm in a rush but really need some views for this situation. I will do my best not to drip feed but to be as succinct as possible.
DCs (12, and nearly 11) dad (Ex) promised to buy them a puppy. The agreement was that he paid for it and then had nothing else to do with it: I would pay all vets bills, food etc.
He took them to see the puppy, and paid a deposit. They fell in love. Breeder allowed us to visit when we liked, so a bond was formed. The weekend Ex was due to drop the remainder of the money off (£240) he text DD but she didn't get the text, so she missed him. I was abroad for my 40th and got lots of panicky messages off DD saying she'd missed her dad and he was away at a wedding so he couldn't get the money to her, and would I pay for the puppy and he would pay me back as soon as he saw me again. (Can you see where this is going? I couldn't.)
So. Along passes 2 weeks. Ex didn't show up for his Sunday access the first week, then started an arguement on text messages with DD about him not coming.
The week before, it had been Ex's bday, so he cancelled his contact that day. He text DD to tell her he was "pissed off" with her because she hadn't wished him a happy birthday.
She told him she didn't know if she wanted to go out with him this Sunday as he was swearing at her. He said "I don't care, DD, I'll just take DS out"
He came on Sunday, I intended to have a word with him, (about other things, like bringing the kids back 90 mins early and dumping them on various members of my family's doorsteps when I wasn't home) but he came 40 mins early and I was still in the shower. He hadn't left any money for the dog.
DD text him to ask him to bring the money when he dropped DS off. He dropped DS off at the kerb and disappeared. No money.
I told DD we would have to get the money for the puppy or he would have to go back, as I simply cannot afford to lose £240 I haven't budgetted for. I paid with our Easter holiday spending money.
DD had further conversations with her dad over messages, and he said "you only ever get in touch when you want something. I'm not paying"
DD pleaded and said the puppy would have to go back if he didn't pay, he said "he's not going back. I'm not paying. Don't ask again" (along with a lot of abusive "you're horrible, just like your mother" stuff.
This is a long way from being the first time he's fucked my kids' heads up, or screwed me (and them) over financially.
DD says she never wants to see her dad again.
DS says if we lose the puppy he never wants to see his dad again. BUT, if I manage to get the money to keep him, he will continue to have a relationship with his dad. DS has been very mature about this, and has said that even if his dad paid up now, it wouldn't be enough.
So WWYD?
- Take the puppy back and break their hearts? We have had him home for 2 weeks.
- Swallow the cost (family members have said they will chip in) and let my children forgive and forget (as their lives will not have changed but for a couple of days' uncertainty), and still have a relationship with him (until the next time he breaks their hearts)
I have to go to work now, but will reply on phone when I can.
TIA