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Do you feel 'in love' with DH/P every day?

(161 Posts)
pinchpunch Thu 13-Mar-14 08:26:11

I love my OH very much, but sometimes I panic that I don't feel madly in love with him all the time. I appreciate him and wouldn't want to lose him, but am finding it difficult to figure out what long term relationships are really like, once the initial 'falling in love' bit is out the way.

I worry a lot about this and am unsure how to fix it - I don't want to force things if they're not right, but equally don't want to throw away something so good.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

pinchpunch Thu 13-Mar-14 08:27:13

Oh, and in my 20's, nearly 3 years together, no DC but live together

Meerka Thu 13-Mar-14 08:32:07

Of course not.

I don't think you can possibly be in love with someone all the time. Being 'in love' is a phase that kickstarts marriage but it fades after a while. I think actually that bedrock, quiet, undemonstrative love + liking + compatability on the basic principles of childrearing etc are the best foundations for marriage going.

The romantic notion that you have to be in love all the time is just an illusion and a really unhelpful one. Good companionship, respect (even admiration if you can manage it?) and liking are real. Less exiting, but a helluva lot more real.

Appreciating him is a really good start, imo.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 13-Mar-14 08:32:24

Are you happier with him in your life than without? Do you enjoy his company? Do you feel confident in his affection for you? Do you feel respected and valued? Do you find him attractive and interesting?

'In love' IMHO is simply a powerful surge of affection. Early days that's all you feel. Later on in a long-term relationship once you've got to know someone properly, the surges may be a little further apart but they should still be there. Often, IME, at unexpected moments when they've been especially kind or thoughtful.

Bonsoir Thu 13-Mar-14 08:35:18

Yes, absolutely. Every single day.

stowsettler Thu 13-Mar-14 08:43:07

Nope. We've been together nearly 5 years, 1 DD and a lot of the time we're just rubbing along happily, the odd bicker, the odd moment of frustration but generally we get along very well.

Then he goes and does something lovely, like yesterday, when he said he had a moment of 'clarity' and that he was so grateful for being able to stay at home with DD while I work. Frankly I think he has the harder job by a mile. He bought me a gorgeous bunch of flowers and I thought he was lush.

BoJolly Thu 13-Mar-14 08:50:46

I've been with DH 25 years and there have been times when I have thought about this.

Then I would have a dream where I lost him, either to another woman or illness and I would wake up crying. I realised that it's the "pain" of love that I no longer felt because I now trust him completely - and I am quite happy to be without that !! smile

HorseyTwinkleToes Thu 13-Mar-14 09:05:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder Thu 13-Mar-14 09:06:34

23 years and yes I make myself cringe at times smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 13-Mar-14 09:10:06

Probably not absolutely every day, but most days, yes.

We have all the quiet love, liking, compatibility, friendship, shared values etc. And also the rushes of 'in love' on top.

ThatBloodyWoman Thu 13-Mar-14 09:11:59


sneakyday Thu 13-Mar-14 09:13:56

I think stowsettler described it perfectly. I love him. We rub along together most of the time. There is the odd bicker but then he will do or say something, or sometimes it catches me off guard just by seeing him, and i am head over heels butterflies in the tummy in love again.

but most of the time we just are.

sneakyday Thu 13-Mar-14 09:15:06

Oh and we have been together 12 years

wordfactory Thu 13-Mar-14 09:19:16

Yes, I think so.

Obviously there are times when we argue. And times when he gets right on my pip.

But he's still the one who can make me feel happy/special/safe and I still get that gushy feeling of him being 'the one'. In fact as the years go on, I'm more convinced that he is the one and panic a bit about what would happen if he died or something.

ToAvoidConversation Thu 13-Mar-14 09:20:15

We've been together for eight years and I am absolutely 'in love' with him. I don't really see how you can't be? I had no idea how much we would grow together and the love gets more complex over time but I still fancy him and get excited to see him if that's what you mean by 'in love'?

LastOneDancing Thu 13-Mar-14 09:20:40

'Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill, but not doing it because you'd miss them'


Ok... a bit extreme, but there's an element of truth. I always love DH but I don't like him when he's a grump.

juneau Thu 13-Mar-14 09:22:24

What sneaky said. Together 12 years too, with two DC.

YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka Thu 13-Mar-14 09:23:01

Yes, but it's not the same as that initial rush when we were first together. More a deep affection maybe? And not all the time, maybe not even every day, although at some point most days. He gets on my fucking nerves some of the time too of course grin

chattychattyboomba Thu 13-Mar-14 09:37:48

No! Together 7 years, married 4. 1 DD, 1 on the way. This morning I felt a little loathsome... He was chewing on a haribo (DD was sharing) smacking his gums loudly, looking all red faced and fat gut after drinking too much last night and then sleeping in the spare bed. I actually felt I detested him. But I don't. I actually adore him more than words. He just gives me the rage sometimes.

gamerchick Thu 13-Mar-14 09:37:49

Yes.. I still want to climb inside him. I can't think of a day where my middle doesn't want to pop when I think of him or see him.

I'm sure the bloom will wear off.. I hope not
. We're 4 months off 5 years together.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 13-Mar-14 09:40:10

Everyday life isn't hearts and flowers so I think you might be over-anxious.

Did you ever see those Love Is... cartoons, a little drawing of girlfriend/boyfriend or married couple and the caption was often very simple.

Often just an everyday action that added up to that thoughtfulness and overall big picture of consistent trust and 'I don't get this level of care from anyone else'.

I think the artist's intention was just a gentle reminder that what attracts you then keeps you together can be unshowy yet still valuable. Madly in love could be a bit wearisome.

If you worry that there's something missing then I don't think you should ignore that but I definitely agree life might not be, ahem, 24/7 crashing surf on rocks but as Cogito expressed it, 'surges' of affection.

maras2 Thu 13-Mar-14 10:24:19

I think so . We've been together for 45 years and are now retired .We had a long day and late night yesterday so had a lie in this morning . I was awake first and just had to stroke his ( now greying ) hair as he slept . Half asleep he cuddles me limpet like , mutters something incomprehensible and drools on my chest . All the time I'm thinking ' Aww , you're so lovely ' Gotta be love hasn't it ? He's now making us a late breakfast as I mumsnet.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys Thu 13-Mar-14 10:41:41

Yes, definitely.

Of course we argue and sometimes he drives me crazy, but I wouldn't want to be without him, and I think he's wonderful. Everyday he does something small that makes me realise (all over again) how much and why I love him.

TessTackle Thu 13-Mar-14 10:43:43

I'm in love with him everyday and have been for nearly seven years. For my personally, when we're no longer in love then maybe it's the end.

immortalwife Thu 13-Mar-14 10:48:18

Yes every single day I count my lucky stars.

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