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Make of break- advice needed

(17 Posts)
Lookingforabetteryear Wed 12-Mar-14 23:37:54

My partner was very nasty during my pregnancy. This lead me to move away and seek support from family. He tells me he was nasty due to his depression, of which he is now seeking therapy for. One of the main issues was money and me seeing his other son (his ex did not want me to see him). We have had discussions about re uniting. He is very sorry etc. I have given him ultimatums to change aspects and issues within the relationship. He says ultimatums are wrong and we should work on enjoying each others company once again. I brought up the point of me seeing his other son and he said "I'll have to discuss it with the ex to think about the best way to do it". I feel im being fobbed off again. Do you think ultimatums at wrong?

vikkik888 Wed 12-Mar-14 23:42:58

How do you mean 'nasty' through your pregnancy?

If you have a baby with this man and have a future together, the fact that he has to discuss with his ex the contact you have with his son is worrying, sorry.

Tinks42 Wed 12-Mar-14 23:43:33

Of course you should go back to him???? really OP? If you want a life of misery then go ahead.

I still see my ex's son, we had a bond from the moment I met him at 12, he's now 17 and his dads ex would have kittens if she thought I still saw him but he's of an age where he just doesn't have to tell her. I personally don't care about anyone else except the son.

vikkik888 Wed 12-Mar-14 23:43:59

Why did his ex not want you to see him?

Lookingforabetteryear Wed 12-Mar-14 23:45:05

I agree- it is worrying isn't it? I thought I was being unreasonable. I said that His current family should be priority in all this and we should all meet as adults to discuss how the blended family would work. Nasty- total lack of support due to his mental health.

vikkik888 Wed 12-Mar-14 23:47:04

How long have you been together? And what is the problem with you seeing him?

Lookingforabetteryear Wed 12-Mar-14 23:47:28

The ex does not want me to see her son because she think s it's confusing for a child to have "two mothers"/ wants to be fussy. I was nothing to do with their break up, I met partner A year later. Partner always goes on about being scared of loosing contact with his eldest son if he upsets the ex.

Lookingforabetteryear Wed 12-Mar-14 23:47:57

Been together two years. Baby was not planned.

TheCatThatSmiled Wed 12-Mar-14 23:48:18

No. They are your line in the sand. You know what is acceptable for you, and what is not. He's tying to fob you off, and if you give in you are lining yourself up for more unhappiness.

He's sorry. But he's not willing to change or discuss anything. He's sorry, but its not really his fault, it was his depressions. He's sorry, but hes still trying to make it your fault. He's sorry, but 'ultimations are wrong'=your are giving the ultimation. . You are wrong. If you just give in it will all be ok, if you don't its all your fault.

any man who is nasty to his pregnant and vulnerable partner is one to be avoided. He probably didn't think you would have the guts to leave while you were pregnant, but you did - and now hes trying to pull you back in.

i'd stay as far away from him as possible to be honest.

Tinks42 Wed 12-Mar-14 23:49:04

People with mental health issues are generally not nasty OP, they use it to get away with all manner of horrible things. The ex is probably jealous, a healthy person would be delighted that another person adores her/his son.

Lookingforabetteryear Wed 12-Mar-14 23:51:07

She is jealous and the first son is hugely indulged sadly.

Tinks42 Wed 12-Mar-14 23:55:07

Right, so you have a jealous ex wife/partner and a selfish arse who doesn't genuinely care about your feelings one jot, only himself.

Lookingforabetteryear Wed 12-Mar-14 23:56:54

He says he cares about the relationship with his children and is afraid hell see him less, it's sounding more crazy as I write.

Tinks42 Thu 13-Mar-14 00:01:39

I can actually understand that OP, people unfortunately use children as porns, what I can't understand is him being nasty to you whilst YOU were carrying another one of his children that he apparently cares so much about?

Lookingforabetteryear Thu 13-Mar-14 00:06:01

Yup I know, he says the pressure all got too much.

Tinks42 Thu 13-Mar-14 00:12:25

I know women tie their selves in knots trying to "understand" others but we sometimes have to get a bit real and think bottom line stuff OP. Be honest, would you actually ever forgive him for being horrid to you during a very vunerable time? I wouldn't. I couldn't, and rightly so. Not going to bore you with my story (its long past now). The man is still having a pity party for himself too huh.

vikkik888 Thu 13-Mar-14 00:17:50

I just don't get this, XH and I both have new partners, I am happy and safe in the knowledge that she loved and cares for my son, and the same with my DP. I just can't get my head around why some people use the trump card that is their child just to be bitter.

But your DP is allowing her to call the shots when you're the mother to his baby?

Wow, just wow. I feel for you but this isn't the sort of man you want to be with surely? What about YOUR child?

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