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Do women go through stages when a relationship ends?

(9 Posts)
DickCrack Wed 12-Mar-14 21:50:59

My partner walked out on me on Saturday, there's another thread about it. He's been unfaithful, at least sending dirty texts (which I found) but I'm not daft, he's likely been shagging her as well.
At first I was in shock, sick, felt like I was in a dream. I've had brief flashes of anger but today all I want is for him to beg to come back, promise to change etc so I can just make it all go away. Is this a stage? What's next?

LavenderGreen14 Wed 12-Mar-14 22:02:02

Anger, denial, bargaining, fury, despair - rinse and repeat. Is flipping awful - poor you. Shock too in bucket loads. And sadness. Is like grieving - not just for your future but for the past you thought you had and have now discovered was completely different to what you thought. Except the person you are grieving for is now a stranger - they are no longer on your side and are the enemy.

Be kind to yourself and take support in real life wherever you can. Keep drinking and eat little and often even if just soup/yoghurt/toast/cereal. I lost a stone in the first month and didn't sleep either.

DickCrack Wed 12-Mar-14 22:17:48

Yes lavender, you are right, I knew things were bad between us but I had a view in what the future would look like, holidays, houses, dcs changing, xmases, school plays, all those things. All gone. I don't want to lose my family life.

louby44 Wed 12-Mar-14 22:42:18

You don't lose your family life, it just becomes a different family life. You're mourning and it's bloody awful. ((Hugs))

DickCrack Wed 12-Mar-14 22:46:10

We had several breaks planned for this year. Nothing expensive, 5 days at butlins, a night at the seaside, a night at an airshow, a theme park day. I will take the dcs- I don't want them to miss out, but I will be so aware their daddy is missing.
And I am scared about him taking them for overnights, away without me, or them meeting the other woman.

JonesTheSteam Thu 13-Mar-14 00:31:33

I've been lurking on your other thread.

In a similar position here. Discovered an affair between my DH and OW in Jan.

Despite him saying that he wanted to make it work and ending it straight away, he has admitted tonight that he doesn't have romantic feelings for me any more. I am just a friend and the mother of his children when he looks at me.

Just what you want to hear... :-/

I asked him to leave this evening and he has gone to a hotel. I love him so much I can hardly breathe at the thought it may be the end...

Holding out a supporting hand. Stay strong...

Millyblods Thu 13-Mar-14 02:04:50

Jones I would imagine he is still seeing her, that is,why he doesn't have feelings for you. sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 13-Mar-14 06:51:32

Change is stressful. Grief is stressful. Discovering you've been betrayed by someone you thought loved you is stressful. When you've got your life mapped out going in one direction with one person, finishing up holding hands gazing at the metaphorical sunset and that life takes a 90 degree turn because that person leaves, it's stressful. The natural reaction is to want to wind back the clock.

It takes time to adjust to the new reality and IME the adjustment doesn't go in a nice straight line. Make the most of the days when you feel positive, make plans and think forward. Look after yourself on the days when everything feels shit.... over time they get fewer and further between.

Good luck

DickCrack Thu 13-Mar-14 07:18:25

jones I've been lurking on your thread too. I'm so sorry he's gone. I wonder if they all go in the end? Perhaps I've saved myself the weeks of pain you've experienced, but it doesn't feel any better. I'll pm you x

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