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Dating new guy who is lovely but feeling vulnerable

(13 Posts)
positively9something Wed 12-Mar-14 17:48:10

Well I just wanted to chat about it really, I met a new guy about six weeks ago, he seems like a lovely guy, fun, sweet, attractive and genuine. He also seems keen and likes spending time with me grin

The thing is my last partner cheated a lot and my first boyfriend cheated too. Obviously I don't know the new guy very well but he seems good so far.

I've noticed as I've started to like him more it makes me feel vulnerable (this is very uncomfortable for me). I hate being venerable

positively9something Wed 12-Mar-14 17:50:40

Sorry posted too soon.

I'm not used to being open and communicating my feelings and I'm trying to start being more open ect.

Well not sure if this sounds rambley but I just wanted to put it out there as I think I am feeling scared. But at the same time really enjoying his company and it has really out a smile on my face grin

Abbykins1 Wed 12-Mar-14 18:15:47

I have been in exactly the same position as you.

It took me a long time to learn to trust again.

But it has been worth it……….so worth it!

whostolethesocks Wed 12-Mar-14 18:16:34

I'm having huge issues trusting after being cheated on :-(

positively9something Wed 12-Mar-14 18:29:24

Abby - tell me more? Have you now learned to trust a decent man? Any tips for me? smile

positively9something Wed 12-Mar-14 18:34:11

Who - are you seeing someone at the moment? And were you cheated on just by one person?

I also think my trust issues is not only due to my relationships, but also my upbringing. My family were and still are rubbish with emotions. I decided to go to counselling after having my dd as I wanted to be more stable and together. Now I can see how emotionally retarded they were and how I was. I have never really seen a stable relationship and although I would love to have one at some point it's new to me confused

taratamara Wed 12-Mar-14 19:05:34

It's always going to be a leap of faith to some extent. I find it helps to think of people as having a base level of trust setting on medium which you can then adjust up or down according to what you observe them being like. Hope that makes sense blush
Also, take some comfort from the fact that although you were cheated on before, you coped and have carried on.
I think feeling vulnerable in this situation is perfectly normal though. If he's a nice guy he'll understand

positively9something Wed 12-Mar-14 20:02:56

Tara - yes it does make sense, it's kinda like you let them start on a neutral level and take it from there.

And yes I survived well and didn't break down or anything, it has just added to my non trusting ways and commitment issues confused

Well I havnt told him I feel vulnerable or anything, I wouldn't even know how to go about saying something like that shock

Abbykins1 Wed 12-Mar-14 20:15:57

I found somebody,after a lot of searching,who had been hurt as much as I had.
I didn't set out to find somebody like that,it just happened.

The first three months were ridiculous because we were both constantly testing each others commitment,but at the same time we both knew this was it).
It's been wonderful ever since.

Your new guy,could be the one!

I really hope so for you.

positively9something Wed 12-Mar-14 20:44:22

Really? So how long have you been together now? Glad you managed to get over that stage grin

Well I'm not sure if he will be the one or not, but he is a nice guy so I'm happy (although not always comfortable grin) to see where it goes

Abbykins1 Wed 12-Mar-14 22:51:44

More years than I would like to admit to!!!

Viviennemary Wed 12-Mar-14 22:59:19

I think it's only natural if you have been let down in the past that you are worried this will happen again. I think you are right not to tell him you feel vulnerable. Hope it all works out.

positively9something Thu 13-Mar-14 11:01:28

Viven - thanks grin

I think for now I will try to enjoy it and use it as a learning experience of being involved with a nice guy instead of the assholes I normally hang around with !

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