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3 years ago today.

(18 Posts)
akaWisey Wed 12-Mar-14 10:24:09

I'd just like a bit of a hand hold for a while as this will pass.

I can't link to original thread as had to have it deleted and name changed.

This time 3 years ago I was lying to now ex h that I'd been to the gym for an extra long work out. I'd actually been at a friends house with the mobile ex used for work which had all the evidence I needed. I had to show her and her partner because I knew what ex would say about me without someone else able to confirm what I'd seen. Devastated? You bet.

I'm angry today. I have my 'fuck you' stilleto's on, the first pair of stiletto's I'd bought in 20 years as ex, although in possession of an ego the size of Jupiter, was a small man.

I lied in order to buy time that day to sort my head out and plan. I confronted him later and that was it. Off he went into the wide blue yonder with OW.

I'm so angry today.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 12-Mar-14 10:32:25

I hear your anger.

Is there more you'd like to say?

MyFirstName Wed 12-Mar-14 10:33:17

Enjoy your stilettos. I bet you look amazing flowers.

Holding your hand...and will punch the air to celebrate your shoes too...if it helps.

BeforeAndAfter Wed 12-Mar-14 10:34:47

Hi Wisey

Here's a hand to hold. It's hard to believe it's three years. I wonder if he's still sporting his purple trousers grin

A lot has happened in those years, many good things, not just bad stuff.

My ex is now married to the OW. He's been in intensive care recently - I tell people he's got a bad dose of karma. grin

akaWisey Wed 12-Mar-14 10:38:24

The words are balled up in my head. He never in 20 years hit me or even threatened to hit me. But I was scared and suicidal and he knew it and instead of telling me the truth he watched me diminish until I couldn't think or trust my own reality.

That's a cuntish thing to do, isn't it.

akaWisey Wed 12-Mar-14 10:39:38

I have to do some work (just as well) and I will come back later. Thank you and hi B&A.

BeforeAndAfter Wed 12-Mar-14 10:46:29

That's the bit that still kills me today - the lies. The fact that these men felt entitled to lie as they watched their strong feisty women diminish in front of them as we tried to find the truth.

scornedwoman67 Wed 12-Mar-14 13:00:07

flowers for you wisey
I had it done to me. I don't think it ever goes away. But they have to live knowing what they did. Our consciences are clear. The OWs are welcome to them. I wouldn't live with a lying cheat.

akaWisey Wed 12-Mar-14 16:16:06

Dehumanised is how I felt. Like something that isn't expected to feel. This time 3 years ago he'd packed his bags whilst I sat with our stunned DC's downstairs and a good friend (he watched six nations whilst he packed).

wellthatsdoneit Fri 14-Mar-14 19:03:46

Hope you are okay Wisey. I remember your posts, and yours too Beofreandafter. Coming up to my three year annivorceary too (except I'm not even divorced yet) and I am still angry. Anger is a good emotion though isn't it if channelled in the right way - galvanises you to correct injustices. I can also empathise with the feeling of being dehumanised. My ex never hit or threatened to, but sometimes I wish he had so that it was all black and white. The drip drip drip of psychological warfare is awful.

wiseoldowl Fri 14-Mar-14 21:14:46

Hi Wisey,I remememer your posts too.
My 3 year anniv comes up couple months,xh now lives with OW.....hope they're having shit life.

Like you I still can't come to terms with the lying (lots),cheating (hid money,all through divorce,had to go to court to sort it on principle).

They're welcome to each other, I'll never be the same....still battling uphill..

Here's to your lovely shoes.

wiseoldowl Fri 14-Mar-14 21:16:12

Hi Wisey,I remememer your posts too.
My 3 year anniv comes up couple months,xh now lives with OW.....hope they're having shit life.

Like you I still can't come to terms with the lying (lots),cheating (hid money,all through divorce,had to go to court to sort it on principle).

They're welcome to each other, I'll never be the same....still battling uphill..

Here's to your lovely shoes.

wiseoldowl Fri 14-Mar-14 21:17:50

Soryy,tablet/user hopeless blush

akaWisey Fri 14-Mar-14 22:22:42

Thank you Well and Wiseoldwoman that means a lot.

I'm fine now. It's passed as I knew it would. I've always held back from using the term abuse about what happened because it didn't feel 'right' when there are so many women here who are crushed physically and mentally by their partners. But to be honest, when one person is pulling the strings of another, knows full well the impact of that, can do something about it and chooses not to but instead to commit acts which increase the gas lighting effect - I think it's abusive.

But these days, well. He leaves me alone. He knows better than to try and mess around with my head because he can't. Who knows if he ever reflects on what he did? I honestly believe that Mumsnet saved me and more than that - it changed me smile

We are more complete people now than we were, right? Right. Lets not forget that - ever.

dunfightin Fri 14-Mar-14 23:28:15

Dear Wisey,
Glad it has passed. I remember your posts and springydaffs (I think) - the one with the shit hot lawyer. I was a few steps behind you in terms of it all imploding.
You are still one great woman. I have long since name-changed but now that ex has been dumped by OW he is going through women like the DCs go through shoe sizes. Good luck to 'em. And some more thanks for you

Gudgyx Fri 14-Mar-14 23:34:08

Well done you for being strong enough to leave that asswipe.

Everyone is allowed an off day - and you are defo entitled to be angry!

Heres to your new shoes!

akaWisey Fri 14-Mar-14 23:37:13

Dun bless you. It was Saffysmum who had the SHL and she's ok as far as I know. She was awesome.

Gud thank you.

itmightwork Fri 14-Mar-14 23:49:54

I remember you and Saffysmum - I was in a similar position around the same time and your strength shone through the pain in your posts.

I agree we will never be the same. I like to think we are better now! Go shoes!

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