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He only comes being rogered by a cucumber. It's costing me a fortune from Ocado

(50 Posts)
CoilRegret Wed 12-Mar-14 02:48:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoilRegret Wed 12-Mar-14 02:52:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoilRegret Wed 12-Mar-14 02:57:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeloWoman Wed 12-Mar-14 03:10:30

No relevant advice but thanks for the laugh!

I think sexual counselling is a thing?

Cuxibamba Wed 12-Mar-14 03:12:14

Would a courgette do?

Being serious though, you need to talk- is he deciding to do a vasectomy then backing out last minute, but after planning to do so, or when he says he'll do it (each year), is he aware he won't do it and is saying it to make his life easier?

CoilRegret Wed 12-Mar-14 03:17:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoilRegret Wed 12-Mar-14 05:03:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KepekCrumbs Wed 12-Mar-14 05:13:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giraffesCantBoogie Wed 12-Mar-14 05:14:10


warmleatherette Wed 12-Mar-14 05:17:40

I think you will have to stop letting him ejaculate inside you. No vaginal penetration until he gets the snip. Why should you risk your life in childbirth just so he can cum in you? No fair.

BadSeedsAddict Wed 12-Mar-14 06:08:59

Can't you have the Implanon thing in your arm? I have it and it's great, can forget it's there. Coil bloody awful, exFW and I could both feel it, horrible.

ThinkFirst Wed 12-Mar-14 06:22:52

Tell him no more sex until one of you is sterilised. If he won't 'allow' you to have your tubes done tell him it's a one off thing or would he rather the risk of repeated coil related hospital stays.

ninah Wed 12-Mar-14 06:23:49

shop at lidl

EirikurNoromaour Wed 12-Mar-14 06:29:18

No sex until he does something about it IMO. He sounds crap.

paxtecum Wed 12-Mar-14 06:31:28

Get yourself sterilised?

maggiemight Wed 12-Mar-14 06:32:01

Perhaps he will not be able to get it up if he is 'sterile' after his vasectomy (just a suggestion as to why he is against it). Make him use condoms.

DesiderataDisciple Wed 12-Mar-14 06:32:17

Ham up a bout of panic bordering on PTSD re the "I might get pregnant" every time sex is on the agenda.

No nookie should bring him to his senses.

bragmatic Wed 12-Mar-14 06:35:52

You should use a pineapple. That should shock him into action.

You have my sympathies.

If you're ok with it, I'd book in for sterilisation. He doesn't have the authority to 'not allow' it.

kalidasa Wed 12-Mar-14 06:46:38

I'm surprised you actually want to sleep with him! This behaviour would make me so cross that it would kill all libido for me I think. Not helpful, sorry.

Coelacanth Wed 12-Mar-14 06:53:43

I would get him vair, vair drunk til he passes out. Then shove marrow up his jacksy and stitch it up. Make sure you have loads of sympathy, with obligatory head tilt.

I wasn't always a viper.

Fifyfomum Wed 12-Mar-14 06:53:46

Urgh, he would have lost all my respect with his actions, I would tell him so and would not be having a sexual relationship with him anymore. All pressure would be off, he would not have sex until he had the snip, plain and simple. After six months I would book myself in for a vasectomy, inform him when that would be and that he would need to look after the kids and get on with it.

Dollydowser Wed 12-Mar-14 08:08:10


Northernlurker Wed 12-Mar-14 08:12:37

I think the key is where you say you feel so let down. He IS letting you down in many ways. I'm assuming that despite that you want to stay married?

Ok - no penetrative sex till this is sorted and if that doesn't get him moving then go and see your GP and get referred for ligation. Simply ignore him. He'll have to look after the kids when you're not there. Go to your parents or friends to recuperate.

Northernlurker Wed 12-Mar-14 08:13:21

Fifyfomum - I doubt the OP needs a vasectomy unless there's a LOT she hasn't been telling us grin

headlesslambrini Wed 12-Mar-14 08:15:40

Fuck the salad off - stick the cheese grater up there

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