I posted a thread a few days ago about needing to end my relationship, and don't know how to link it here, but a search of my NN should find it. Sorry.
But I made the phone call this morning and he has totally fallen apart, begging me to go back, promising everything will be different, he'll get treatment, he hadn't realised how ill he'd got again, it'll be different this time, he just needed this jolt to realise how bad his behaviour was . . .
I knew it would be like this but I still feel desperately sorry for him. Nobody deserves the shit childhood he had, or other stuff that's left him with huge mh issues, and at the moment I feel like I've just added one more kick when he's down.
I've called his GP & his old psychiatrist to get him support, got hisclosest friend to go and see him, and (very reluctantly) called him this evening when that friend asked me to. In both calls, I tried to be gentle, while repeating firmly that there is no way back, that I just can't do it any more. Turns out he'd hinted that if exP went to GP appointment he's fixed for tomorrow, and gets more treatment sorted, then perhaps I might go back to him. I can understand that friend's immediate aim is to avoid him suiciding but I'm not sure it helps in the long run. (Obviously still hugely grateful to friend for being there for him).
So at the moment I feel like a total shit, and I'm wondering if there is any way we could make it work again.
But I'm also afraid of the time when the shock & hurt turn into anger & he comes looking for me.
Because that is what will happen, isn't it? He's had years of treatment & we've still ended up where we are now. He's not really capable of change, is he?
I'm reading Lundy Bancroft and telling myself I have to stay strong, but it would be so easy right now to just say I'll go back.
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Relationships
I've told abusive P that the relationship is over but I feel like an uncaring bitch
37 replies
dogsnfrogs · 11/03/2014 20:23
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