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shouldn't have took him back.

(11 Posts)
forgetandforgive Tue 11-Mar-14 13:33:28

i feel a fool now that i took my partner back. in the new year i told him to leave because i felt he was not taking my feelings into account and everything he did was right. but we kept in touch and now we trying again for the sake of our children. he doesn't help around the house and sleeps all day until 4pm. he would insist sex upon me even if i don't want to especially when its 3am. we only see each other once a week and he'd say im selfish and always making excuses. but i was really tired from my sons interrupted sleep because they have eczema. well, just now while he was sleeping i thought i'll snuggled up to him but my hands was freezing and i told him so, but i did the wrong thing in gently touching his arm. he reacted and kicked me on my ankle with the back of his heel; which nearly knocked me off the single bed. we don't share a bed together since having children because my son constant scratching makes me share his bed so i can hold his hands down and scratch him. he said i was insensitive and went back to sleep. i didn't tell him that he had hurt me. is like this every week we don't do much as a family. he would sleep more after eating his dinner and leave the house at 8.30pm to drive back to his work place. sorry if this is long.

Loveyouthree Tue 11-Mar-14 13:37:19


If you've done it once, you CAN do it again - and this time you know he's not going to change so hopefully you won't take him back again. Where else would he be able to sleep all day while the housework/cooking/childcare is magically done for him?

You deserve so much more.

Qix Tue 11-Mar-14 13:41:49

So he sleeps all day because he works nights? Do you work outside the home?

Sometimes all you need is one thing that is the last straw, maybe his kick was that?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 11-Mar-14 15:53:01

Sorry to hear this OP, you sound lonely even with a live-in partner. And he generates more cooking, cleaning and washing. Emotionally he hasn't rerally made any more effort has he. Were you worried how things would be financially without him? He can still see the DCs if he lives elsewhere.

PS Is your DCs' eczema a reaction to dairy? Have you tried reducing how often you bathe your DSs, (it's not just soap and shampoo that irritates skin it can be just the water?).

cakehappy Tue 11-Mar-14 19:01:04

He sounds absolutely absolutely terriblesad what on earth do you get out of this abusive relationship? I feel bad for you OP, now that he's reeled you back in he doesn't have to try to be nice anymore! I'd get rid again.

forgetandforgive Tue 11-Mar-14 21:54:06

that's so true lovey. he only comes home once a week and treat this home like a hotel. i feel it has been going on for too long, more than 12 years now. i can feel myself coping without him but is too weak to end it. he has always being the more domineering one. what he says i have to comply. i need to be stronger and i know this relationship isn't working. my partner can be thoughtful in his own way but most times i feel too tired to respond. i sometimes feel i don't know what i want anymore.

forgetandforgive Tue 11-Mar-14 22:03:14

hi qix. thanks for the reply. each time he does or say something which is disrespectful and rude towards me it makes me feel low about myself. but i still don't learn from my lesson. i feel like a doormat but somehow i manage to let it go on. i was never good at expressing my feelings but i have told him why i was unhappy and my partner would say im crazy. he thinks im just trying to pick a fight and totally ignores my feelings.

forgetandforgive Tue 11-Mar-14 22:13:22

i have tried to get rid of him happy on many occasions but it was only a short break from each other. the longest was 3 months in the new year when we had no contact. you are so right, i don't feel respected or heardvin this relationship. but that's how my parents had always been, even now. as a young girl i wished they would stop arguing and change. but i come to realized im following my mums footsteps. i know something needs to change before the dc witness what going on.

forgetandforgive Tue 11-Mar-14 22:33:04

its true bicycle. i do feel lonely, not all the time though only when my sons eczema gets really bad and they wake up 6 times a night. i feel so desperate and tired because of sleep deprived. dc are under the dermatalogist care. trying to do everything to help their skin from natural creams to googling on net for info on cronic eczema. the dc will have a skin test done next month. and my youngest 8 can have light therapy once his skin is not infected and broken. my partner works away from home and only comes home every week. i can still cope financially but if we were to split, i think he would not want us in his life.

pregnantpause Wed 12-Mar-14 08:17:06

You sound do down troddensad if he didn't want you in his life what would you and the DC be missing? He sleeps most of the one day he gets with you, and when he wakes he dictates to you how and what you should be doing. If he.didn't want you in his life, all the children would lose is a day of watching a practical stranger control and demean their mother. Meanwhile they would gain a mother who can set a role model of what is and isn't acceptable within the realms of a relationship, they would gain a mother who slowly regains her self esteem when she not getting constantly knocked back by a succubus husband, a happier mother, they would gain a relaxed home life without the anxiety of worry over when the arguing/demeaning starts. You have everything to win, and from what you've written , nothing to lose from ending this. I'm not saying it will be easy, you will have to gather what strength you have left after this man has taken so much, but start planning, and leave this foul man for good.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 12-Mar-14 09:05:00

Coping with childhood health concerns is stressful enough but on top of that you have his lordship. You've described how little you do with him as a family so really, what does he bring to your life ..?

It is a shame when history repeats itself and I'm no expert but if your parents had the same sort of relationship, you'll be used to thinking it's normal.

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