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Young Mum in need advice about Domestic Violence

(8 Posts)
zks1989 Tue 11-Mar-14 12:47:45

Hi mums I am 24yrs old and I have a six year old son. I was in a relationship with my voilent ex partner for six years. I finally plucked up the courage to leave the house with my son whilst my ex was on a business trip for the night. Over the six years we were together he was extremely violent controlling and just repulsive to me. He would destroy the house also. He even served time in jail for headbutting me through a set of shop doors. My son was always present when the violence happened, my ex didn't care about him seeing. Every weekend he would drink and disappear on the Friday and turn back up so drunk...this is when the violence happened. Mainly when he was under the influence of drink or drugs. When sobour would be appologetic it will never happen again ect. We have been split for four years, I am now settled with someone else for past 2 and half years. We live together and bring my son up together. I am very happy in my current relationship, we have a lovely home and he treats me like a princess, I genuinely couldn't ask for better.......the only problem is I can't shake my ex. He's still violent trying to control me, still taking any chance he can to abuse me mainly emotionally. He was awarded contact on a sat from 3-4 Sunday TO BE PICKED UP FROM MY OWN FRONT DOOR....I couldn't believe this given his very violent past to me. Every week he was coming to the door to collect his son causing arguments trying to dictate what I do with my son. Trying to fight with my partner barging in the house, shouting and balling in front of my son. 3 weeks ago he came to the door on the Sunday afternoon after not showing for his contact the previous day. He demanded to be let in the house and see his son. When I refused he went cra,y banging on doors windows trying to push his way in. He tried to attack my partner when he refused him entry and asked him to leave. The police were called and he was arrested and charged with domestic breach of the peace. I am just looking for advice on the best way to stop contact with my son to him. He's really having an emotional effect on him. I want to keep my son and mysellf safe but I feel like nobody wants to help. That it doesn't matter what he's done he's his dad and that's it, nobody seems to understand that my sons safety is in danger when he's with his dad. Social services even said they would recommend that he has no contact with him but it's the courts allowing this man to continue to bully and harass me and my son. I'm genuinely terrified of him. I know what he's capable of. I don't want my son growing up thinking that it is acceptable to treat another human being this way. I'm exhausted and frustrated and I don't know what to do to keep him away. Please help with things I could do. I would appreciate it so so much. I have been told there will be a marac meeting this week as we are very high risks and I was also wondering if anyone knew the possible outcomes of this? Thanks x

VelvetGecko Tue 11-Mar-14 12:57:34

Have you got a lawyer? I think you need one. It's good that you've had police and SS involvement, that will definitely help your case. I think the first step should be a restraining order. I'm no expert though. Hopefully someone more clued up will be along shortly.
I find it shocking that you and your child are forced to endure this man's presence and in all honesty if I were in your position I'd be looking at moving to the other end of the country and changing my name.

zks1989 Tue 11-Mar-14 13:14:00

Hi thanks for your reply. I do have a lawyer we've been through courts which is how he was awarded custody in the first place. She useless though and I am currently in the process of changing lawyer. He has bail conditions at the moment not to contact me or enter into my street but that will only last until court in may. It has been ASSIST that has helped me but they can't really deal with courts. A restraining order would only protect me though not my son and he is my main priority. I will do anything in my power to keep him away from him I just don't know who to turn to or who will help. I just hope someone at this marac meeting will put my sons safety first rather than mine. It's all well and good protecting me but what about my baby who is forced to go have contact with this monster. I hate that someone can force me and my son to have contact with him. Xx

something2say Tue 11-Mar-14 13:21:41

Use the Police - when he is there, kicking off, go in the other room and dial 999 - if you can get away with speaking, give them your location, if not just let the line stay open and they will show up. get a few crime ref numbers under your belt and then stop the contact, present that evidence to the judge and get the order amended. Possibly also download a DIY non-mol form FL401 from the internet and apply for a civil order barring him from contact with you - as long as a water tight child contact order is in place, meaning you don't have to have contact with him and the child contact will still go ahead.


VelvetGecko Tue 11-Mar-14 13:23:23

It enrages me that our legal system allows dangerous men contact with their children. Sounds like you need a better lawyer.
Must be so stressful for you. ((hugs))
Try reposting this in legal tonight, there's generally more traffic in the evenings.

zks1989 Tue 11-Mar-14 13:24:33

I will try that tonight. Thanks for your help and support xx

zks1989 Tue 11-Mar-14 13:25:47

I nor my son want the contact to remain in place though. We both want it to stop. The courts are forcing me to hand him over x

GimmeDaBoobehz Tue 11-Mar-14 13:32:05

How horrible.

I can't believe the courts awarded him this. At very least I would want him to meet his son at a contact centre --then the staff will see what he is like and report him so it is stopped altogether.

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