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New bf friend

(7 Posts)
misstilly Tue 11-Mar-14 11:27:56

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months and things have been going great. I've always known he has a girl friend who he sees and texts and while it has made me uncomfortable as I know he finds he attractive i have been ok with it as i trust him. However he doesn't tell me when they have been in touch and lies if I ask directly. I have confronted him with this and he says as he knows it makes me uncomfortable he didn't want to make me feel awkward and hurt. He will show me the messages and it is clearly innocent chat from him but she sends random texts telling him she misses him and can't wait to see him again. Not sure what I'm looking for really just wondering if anyone else would be upset with this and feel that she is being inappropriate?

FolkGirl Tue 11-Mar-14 11:35:38

Female friend - no problem.

Lying about it - big problem.

How can you trust someone who lies to you?

Lavenderhoney Tue 11-Mar-14 11:54:43

Have you met her yet? Ask her about her texts. Calmly, though, in a " I'm so glad we met up! John showed me your texts and tbh I thought there was something going on, but I'm so pleased its nothing!"

lesbican Tue 11-Mar-14 11:59:55

My partner has a friend who she used to date for a loooong time many many years ago, however she has offered to introduce us. There has never been a right time though as I'm busy with work and her friend lives an hour away.

I can kind of understand why he lied, but it doesn't make it right. Ask to meet her? How do you know he finds her attractive, has he told you this?

HotDAMNlifeisgood Tue 11-Mar-14 12:03:45

just wondering if anyone else would be upset with this and feel that she is being inappropriate?

It doesn't matter what "anyone else" thinks: if you're upset, you're upset, and you have a right to your feelings. Does he acknowledge your feelings and respect them?

You can't stop her texting, your boyfriend, however, can stop interacting with her, if he chooses.

Btw, why do you say you know he finds her attractive? Has he actually said this?

misstilly Tue 11-Mar-14 12:48:57

I believe that he didnt mean to upset me and thought he was doing the best to not upset me but agree the lying is a problem and he knows I feel like that.

I have met her a couple of months ago which was ok but it's since then she's sending the miss you messages. To be fair his response is usually along the lines of did you mean to send that to me so I have no worries that he's cheating or will do. I know he finds her attractive as we were friends for a while before we got together and he told me she was hot.

He has said he will stop contact with her but I don't want to dictate to him who he should be friends with I just think he should speak to her about boundaries. A few years ago she stopped contact as her boyfriend didnt like them being friends and they didnt speak for 4 years.

My boyfriend wants to make me happy and does, but she seems to be forever hanging over us. I want to speak to her and ask her how she'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot and she had a boyfriend getting these sort of messages.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Tue 11-Mar-14 13:33:44

He has said he will stop contact with her

Good. Then leave it at that.

Either of you "having a talk" with her will only be feeding her obsession with him. She is no friend to you as a couple. You and your bf both sense this. Just swerve her - any other scenario is just drama (which she will enjoy).

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