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Should I tell XH about new partner

(5 Posts)
wallypops Mon 10-Mar-14 12:54:22

I have been happily divorced for 6 years from my EA X-twunt, and am now rather stunned to find myself in a relationship. I still work in the same business school as my X and so see him pretty regularly. A couple of weeks back he phoned me when drunk and made a death threat against me. He was "just" drunk and he has done far worse, so I don't feel threated by it. I did however record the call and have made a complaint to the police.

I live in France, ex is French as is new partner.
I have 2 DDs with X aged 8 & 9. He sees them every other weekend and half the holidays, which is a typical minimum here. Been through the courts here a lot, and while I am working towards him no longer having access, without proof that is not going to happen, any time soon. It is more likely to happen if my DDs choose that option themselves.

I am not going to keep quiet about the new chap, my kids know he exists and have chatted on the phone with him. New partner knows about X, and is completely unfazed by the idea of him.

So my question is should I actually talk to my X about new partner's existence or should I just let it lie. I know someone will tell him pretty soon. In the past when he has had new people living with him as co-tennants, I have asked to be introduced to them, and so far he has.

Clearly new partner is not going to be living with us for quite some time, so maybe not the same thing. X also has a history of accusing people of sexual assault on the kids. Not true, but deeply damaging for everyone, lots of court time and general torture for all involved.

meditrina Mon 10-Mar-14 13:06:13

"I know someone will tell him pretty soon."

In which case, I think you should tell him. Much better from you than from a random (who might inadvertently give the utterly the wrong impression about state of the relationship). I suggest you keep it as low key and vague as possible.

Licketysplit123 Mon 10-Mar-14 13:29:34

Definitely say something if he's likely to use it as an excuse to have a go for keeping it secret - give him as little ammunition as possible I say!

oscarwilde Mon 10-Mar-14 13:36:57

X also has a history of accusing people of sexual assault on the kids. Not true, but deeply damaging for everyone, lots of court time and general torture for all involved
Does your current partner know this?
I would be very careful to try to control how he receives the news about your new partner. If he has involved the police/social services in the past do you have a caseworker/family contact that you can seek advice from?

wallypops Mon 10-Mar-14 16:13:44

Yes we are well known to the court system - and it's all on record. If he was to make another unfounded accusation he would most likely end up in quite serious trouble himself. It's a very slow process here - no-one rushes into any kind of action.

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