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Friend's relationship disintegrating - is she oversharing on Facebook?

(19 Posts)
tallskinnylatte Mon 10-Mar-14 06:41:57

A friend's marriage is disintegrating - I'm not completely sure where it stems from but she clearly feels very low and from what she says I think separation is a matter of time. I think she's got some good friends, living locally (which I don't) who are supporting her. However, I worry that she's saying too much on Facebook - her posts don't usually go into detail but say things like Feeling lonely, feeling unhappy, wish <DH> would eat what I make him, feel like a single parent. She also included ebay links on FB to the Christmas present he bought her (which was the most inappropriate present he could have thought of btw). This makes me uncomfortable ...on the one hand it may just be my prudishness (my own inclination in a similar situation would be 1:1 contact with friends or counselling) but until they actually do separate- and even beyond that- their marriage may survive , and whatever happens their relationship as parents will continue. Will she regret posting? Her DH is also on FB so I'm assuming he can see her posts...Should I say anything?

Logg1e Mon 10-Mar-14 06:46:59

I think she is over-sharing, but can't see what you can do about it.

MichelloBarner Mon 10-Mar-14 06:55:31

I find this kind of thing intensely irritating. Closely followed by annoyingly cryptic attention-seeky updates.

If you want to say something specific but personal, and pertinent to a select group of people do it via a group message or personal message.

If you want to tell everyone something on your status update FFS keep it reasonably light-hearted and if that's not possible then at least keep it dignified and brief.

And stop doing cryptic, needy, drip drip drip stuff. Either spit it out, go directly to the person who annoyed you and leave the rest of us out if it, or shut up.

JeanSeberg Mon 10-Mar-14 06:58:53

Couldn't have put it any better Michello.

Can't see what you can do op other than point it out to her. Hope her problems get sorted one way or another soon.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Mar-14 07:07:04

Agree with the PP that it sounds like tacky, inappropriate, attention-seeking. What FB was created for in fact... smile I think the 'block' function is quite useful for this kind of thing.

somedizzywhore1804 Mon 10-Mar-14 07:13:25

I've got a few FB friends like this- one going through a messy divorce who addresses statuses to her ex - "it's been 7 months and you never even bother to pick up the phone" etc; one who is having an ongoing falling out with her sister - "you make me laugh, you wouldn't know what real family was if it bit you" etc; and one who hates her job, colleagues and, it seems, life choices in general - "what's the point in working like a slave for so little appreciation and respect?!" etc.

I don't want to be unkind so I don't delete them but I do hide their updates as it's pretty much the most tedious thing you can read. I agree that FB should be lighthearted.

Wuxiapian Mon 10-Mar-14 07:17:53

Attention-seeking behaviour.

Maybe she feels unable to talk to her DH, but slagging him off in public is not the way to go.

tribpot Mon 10-Mar-14 07:34:28

Quite agree, Michello. Only slightly worse is when it's a couple you work with who are in the process of getting divorced, yet still find Facebook an ideal place to make snide remarks like "a life without lies feels so much better".

In those days there was no choice but to de-friend. Now you can just downgrade their presence in your timeline so you don't get to see all this needy bollocks.

Very sorry for your friend, tallskinnylatte. I doubt that talking to her about it will do any good - it's obviously designed to annoy her DH and to garner public sympathy from her friends. Unless you want to join in I think you just need to back away from her on FB for now.

gamerchick Mon 10-Mar-14 07:39:50

what did he get her for christmas?

I dunno, they don't really bother me. I just scroll past shit like that. It is attention seeking but I don't really know much what you can do about it.

Is she in need of a night out or a night in and a laugh do you think? That's what i would be doing if one of my friends was feeling sad.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 10-Mar-14 07:43:23

Agree with all the pp. it's irritatingly attention seeking which defeats that purpose as the actual effect it has is that people want to stay away from you.

anyonecangrowspinach Mon 10-Mar-14 07:43:42

I have a friend who does this, and I think she uses FB as a way of sniping at her boyfriend (who's awful, true, but there are better ways of dealing with him).

It may well be that the point of all these posts is that her DH reads them. In which case you're just an onlooker at a long and unedifying game of breakup tennis.

If your friend is a heavy FB user anyway, I'd guess these posts aren't going to embarrass her. They certainly haven't embarrassed my friend, who practically lives on there.

I don't engage with my friend on FB, but speak to her lots on the phone and see her regularly. She genuinely needs support, and annoying though her cryptic FB habits are, she's an old friend and I know she's having a hard time.

If it were me I wouldn't say anything - she'll be feeling fragile and is unlikely to take it well - but just carry on doing normal, RL friend stuff with her. Block the feed if it makes you feel frustrated smile

KatieScarlett2833 Mon 10-Mar-14 07:46:38

Poor thing is probably hurting badly, I'd cut her some slack. hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 10-Mar-14 07:55:42

A friend's husband - who I think is a twat - recently lost his mother. They weren't what you call close or it would have taken less than a week for anyone to point out she was missing and find her body... hmm His FB updates posted within an hour of each other (I paraphrase) are a case-study in grief management.

"Back in the old home town. Can't believe I used to live in a dump like this. So very sad that I won't have a reason to come back any more now Mum and Dad have gone. End of an era"

"Been to funeral directors, solicitors and now I'm starving. Where's good for a pint & a pie these days?"

"Can't wait for the match to start"

Blocking... blocking... blocking...

Xfirefly Mon 10-Mar-14 08:17:56

it's the ones who post statuses like 'fuck I hate my life now' and 'had a really shit day' etc and people say what's up and they comment back 'can't say' angry or 'ahh nothing really' ...attention seeking BS!

hide her from your news feed.

tallskinnylatte Mon 10-Mar-14 09:22:46

Some good suggestions there- am going to step away from her FB but have texted to try and meet up (we've tried a few times but not managed recently) and will focus on that.
(gamerchick- voucher for underwear shop noted for skinny, sexy lingerie, when she is a little bit bigger than the ridiculous size this shop goes up to- she has a nice figure but is sensitive about it, which her DH knows).

WhateverTrevor83 Mon 10-Mar-14 09:54:59

Think she sounds really unhappy and lonely and confused...
So what if it's 'attention seeking'? Yes it's a bit immature but sounds like she needs a hug, a chat and some support.

If you're a friend... maybe... offer her one of the above?

You can always say that you find the updates a bit uncomfortable/public. Ask her about them... she might think again if people actually tell her it's a bit much.

Good luck biscuit

Meglet Mon 10-Mar-14 10:01:53

I'd just let her ride it out. I see the odd relationship unfolding on my FB timeline. Some people find it cathartic to let it all out.

Unlike me, I never posted a thing when me and XP split up. Just the usual facebook musings and photos.

tallskinnylatte Mon 10-Mar-14 10:30:56

I think she is attention seeking but like WhateverTrevor83 says, I don't think it's a shouty 'me,me,me' thing- I find it more uncomfortable than irritating, and am more concerned that she'll regret posting later on. Anyway, have contacted her and hopefully we'll meet up face to face soon- my work, our assorted kids and her situation make logistics a bit tricky but will persist.
thanks all.

WhateverTrevor83 Mon 10-Mar-14 11:18:32

Oh great. Well hope she gets it off her chest and is there for you if you're ever fed up about anything.

Have fun ladies :-)

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