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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do they EVER give up?

21 replies

FightingFires · 09/03/2014 22:47

I'm bored stiff with my stupid ex husband.

We've been apart 3 years now, only managed to divorce the fucker last year as he was so obstructive about financial settlement (tried to hide £60k, as an example).

We moved to this area together but separately, I didn't have to come here, but chose to to keep the DC near him. He moaned and whined then that I had chosen a house too far away from him - 20 mins drive.

Since then he has remarried, and moved. He chose not to move into the DCs school catchment, and remained about 20mins away.

I am now buying a house with my DP. It is in the school catchment, perfect for the DC, but 20mins further away. So 40mins from him. He'll still have the kids directly from school, and take them to the same school - so no impact on him at all really.

You would think I was moving to Australia.

The second text he sent me said 'you'll regret this.'

the texts continued, telling me I am 'SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH'. 'How DARE I take the children away from him' 'I have never ever considered his feelings and the impact on him' it's a 'STUPID move', 'I am not making a drama - it is one', 'a total lack of consideration for my feelings'

Lots more telling me what a bad mother I am and that I never give them stability (I work shifts in a career he has always disapproved of as 'not conducive to family life' - yet 1000's of women do it...), and he can see I will only ever think of myself.

He phoned me twice and I hung up on him twice as he was swearing and shouting.

I've ended up, thanks to previous advice from mumsnet, sending a text that said if he continues I'll block him and only communicate through a solicitor - he responded 'who the fuck do you think you are?'... but no more.

Just needed to get it all off my chest really. He's such a total pain in the backside. I'm just wondering if it will ever end, and how on earth I ended up linked to such an annoying bastard. I knew he would react badly, and have been dreading telling him. DP, the kids and I are so happy about this move and this house and he's really trying to take the shine off it. I'm determined he wont. But he kind of has already.

I wish he would just disappear up his own arse.

OP posts:

Report

Minime85 · 09/03/2014 22:51

god he sounds horrendous. keep to your guns and well done on clearly being well rid!

deakymom · 09/03/2014 22:51

next time he asks who the fuck do you think you are? reply the mother of your child

if it has no impact on him he is just being a twunt and therefore he can be ignored turn your phone off and ignore him he really cant do anything about you moving especially when it has no impact on contact with his child put your feet up

throwinshapes · 09/03/2014 22:56

Utter knob.
Well done for getting rid. Shame you have to still deal with him (occupational hazard with the father of your children).
Do what's right for you, the kids and DP. Fuck the ex.

FightingFires · 09/03/2014 22:58

Thank you. I'm trying to be detatched and mildly amused by it. But I still get little wobbles when I remember what being married to him was like, and this brings it back a bit.

I am well rid! But I wish I was more rid really. He can do nothing about it but give himself a heart attack, and it's all over nothing! Silly, but deeply irritating, man. Grrrrrr.

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TheVictorian · 09/03/2014 23:01

i think the term wheres his manners, is an understatement.

mumandboys123 · 09/03/2014 23:02

Am into my 6th year now...it is less than it was but it hasn't gone away totally...I suspect it won't do that until the children are all grown up and married with their own children.

FightingFires · 09/03/2014 23:05

I really though having a new wife to pick on might mean he'd leave me alone, but no. He seems to be quite pleasant to her.

Last month he was telling me he needed to take my dog as my job meant I wasn't able to look after him (dog is totally fine, jolly happy really). When I got the dog we were together and he told me 'your dog, your responsibility, I'll never look after him'.

There is always something he is having a pick at or a drama about.

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FunkyBoldRibena · 09/03/2014 23:21

'Actually, Australia sounds good...thanks for that :)'

BeCool · 09/03/2014 23:35

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

The woman who has just blocked you and now will communicate only via my solicitor you idiot.

FightingFires · 09/03/2014 23:39

Kind of wish I'd replyed with that Cool :D

I do try very hard to be calm and factual and never give him ammunition. My friend thinks I should encourage his madness and let him wind himself into the frenzy that will finally let him just BURST. She suggested 'goodness, if you are that upset over this move, you'll hate the next one! X'

But I just cant.

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handfulofcottonbuds · 09/03/2014 23:48

he responded 'who the fuck do you think you are?'... but no more

Maybe there was no reply because he has disappeared up his own arse

FightingFires · 10/03/2014 00:00

OP posts:

whitesugar · 10/03/2014 00:40

Fighting, I would advise you to completely ignore him, completely!!! He sounds like my ex and lots of mums exes. I put up with this for over 12 years until I met a therapist who told me to completely ignore him and guess what, it worked. I kept telling her it wouldn't work but it did and it worked very quickly as well. Just because he asks you a question does not mean you have to answer it. You would only be giving him ammo to go on a rant against you. I don't think you should lower yourself to wind him up. Just play a very different game to the one he is playing. He loves to wind you up so not getting wound up is going to derail him. He will rev it up a bit but don't engage. Keep any discussion solely about the DC.

I would also put my house on it that he is not being pleasant to his new wife. I bet people on the outside thought he was pleasant enough to you. I honestly thought I wouldn't get rid of my EXH making my life hell until my DC were adults but I can say hand on heart that he is the last person I think of and if I ever think of him I feel no pain just complete disinterest.

He is not going to change. You could try changing your tactics though. Good luck.

FightingFires · 10/03/2014 00:44

Thank you whitesugar

You are absolutely right, and that is my tactic from now on, on this subject. I did feel he should have it explained to him, as he is the DC dad (not that he did the same for me, when he moved I had to ask the day before what his new address would be). I try and stay completely in the right, and do not get even a tiny bit emotional.

He knows we are moving now, and that's al the conversation I'll have about it. I did let it go on too long though, live and learn!

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BeCool · 10/03/2014 08:02

YY ignore him. It might feel strange at first but will quickly get easier.

Email or txt only when absolutely necessary re DC. Tell him nothing (then he has no ammo).

BeCool · 10/03/2014 08:03

Oh and let his calls go to voicemail and then listen to message if/when you can be bothered want to

hiddenhome · 10/03/2014 08:25

How old are your dcs? If it's any consolation, it does get better as they get older.

Try to limit direct contact between you and him as much as possible.

You could, of course, be bloody minded and feed him with false information to wind him up

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 10/03/2014 09:05

Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What a pathetic twunt. I know you're in the situation, so you are going to be more easily affected by it. But try to look at it from an outsider's perspective: the man's a joke. A pompous arse. Not deserving of you spending any emotional energy being upset and angry (it's what he wants).

He is so easy to laugh at, then roll eyes and shrug off. Try it!

FightingFires · 10/03/2014 09:12

It's so nice to wake up to these messages. As I was doubting myself a bit. Thank you.

Contact is at as minimum as practical, but due to my shift pattern I need to contact him occasionally and let him know where to collect DC from. I'm dreading the next time.

He just makes such a tremendous FUSS about everything. Wearing.

But I'm glad you're finding him funny. I occasionally do to, you can imagine the invective when I let out an accidental 'snort-laugh'

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FightingFires · 10/03/2014 10:03

Dcs are 12 and 10

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FightingFires · 10/03/2014 11:14

Urgh. I do now have to tell him there is no school transport from where he lives. As I said I would check, I was hoping there was and he would just have to pay a bit for it.

But it's his own bloody fault for living where he chose to, right? I can hardly be expected to stay somewhere inconvenient to me to facilitate him for the next 8 years, can I?

Maybe I should post in Am I being Unreasonable...

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