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OK I am cutting him out my life. help!

(29 Posts)
newsandreviews Sun 09-Mar-14 21:44:21

Been in emotionally abusive relationship for last 2 years and it has ripped me up inside. To shreds. I can't describe some of the delights he has done to me.

Just need to stay on this clean new path free from him and could do with somewhere to vent and get people give me a massive kick up the behind if I waiver.

Today is day 1. We have split up countless times before but I am always shamefully weak and go back. Not this time. I refuse!

Hissy Sun 09-Mar-14 21:49:48

Well done love! Good on you for choosing a better way!

Please don't call yourself weak! What you've done took a LOT of courage.

MyPrettyToes Sun 09-Mar-14 21:50:42

thanksthanks Well done.

I remember someone saying to me that happiness doesn't happen to you, you have to choose it. You have done that today. Continue to choose to be happy.

tallwivglasses Sun 09-Mar-14 21:51:01

Good for you.

No listening to promises (he'll break them again).
No 'I'll change' (he won't).
No Contact.

You know all this. Welcome to the new twunt-free phase of your amazing life smile

whereisshe Sun 09-Mar-14 21:52:49

Well done! I suggest you tell someone close to you the things he's done so they can remind you when you waver.

Cabrinha Sun 09-Mar-14 21:55:22

Well done!
And good luck smile
Good idea to get support on here. How are you doing for real life support?
Worth looking into doing the Freedom Programme (at least online) to help you not to weaken.
Maybe get some book recommendations from here?
Might be worth making a brutal black and white list of what he's done (you don't have to share it here, though you'd get sympathy not judgement if you did) to read back when you're feeling unsure?

Lavenderhoney Sun 09-Mar-14 21:56:23

Well donesmile

Get busy, block him on all phones and social media and any mates who will interfere.

If you are home evenings then avoid boredom by not drinking wine if you do like one or two, to avoid dialling, take up yoga or family history- anything you can do to keep busy and occupied. Change your habits and your help change your reactions.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sun 09-Mar-14 21:59:00

Well done.

Think back to life before he was in it.

Now imagine going into a new and better phase of life - new people, new places... He's still not in it.

You're on the brink of a whole new exciting stage, OP. You'll look back and shake your head in wonder at the notion that this loser was ever in your life. But to get to that point, you need to grit your teeth and go through with it. No contact. Think of other things. You can do it!!!

newsandreviews Sun 09-Mar-14 22:04:25

Thanks all for messages. Given me a real lift. The list of all the nasty things he has done to me is all written down and long! I used to add to it every time we split. Will make myself read it when have those horrendous overpowering desire to contact, its always been me that has made contact and patched things up before so at least I know he won't contact me. He'll just be waiting for me to cave in.

He has helped me massively today by what he said about my DS. Nasty possessive jealous control freak. angry

Right bed and peaceful dreams for me now I hope

Lavenderhoney Sun 09-Mar-14 22:16:09

If he was shitty to your ds or about him then that's even more reason to not go back.

Get the calendar out and fill every minute with fun and just walks and picnics, play dates etc with your ds. Get him involved as well, in organising.

At night get a secret scrapbook and keep a picture and word diary for your ds. Give it to him at Christmas, when you and he enjoy a lovely day watching crap tv, doing what makes you happy, and realising you have been free of this twat for so long you have to have another bit of chocolate to congratulate yourself. I don't know your personal circumstances but you don't need money to ensure you are busy. Use mn in all topicssmile

If you find yourself wavering tell yourself firmly he's an arse and not worthy. Then do sudoku or something. I have developed an interest in medieval women and blimey! They didn't take any shit! I don't know why women got all subservient and reliant on men in the last few hundred years, but I'm working on itsmile

newsandreviews Mon 10-Mar-14 18:09:33

Starting on that happy scrapbook lavender smile

I did send him an email today - a parking ticket arrived in todays post for £90!!!!! It was somewhere he told me to park the other day, I said no we'll get a ticket and he said we wouldn't. Well we did, so its his smile

Apart from that pretty good so far today. Busy at work so not much time to dwell

lavenderhoney Tue 11-Mar-14 14:02:24

Keeping busy is the key. And making plans and having fun. I expect your ds is already enjoying lifesmile and you- all that time now you're not worrying about him! You'll be wondering what to think aboutsmile

HotDAMNlifeisgood Tue 11-Mar-14 14:27:49

Well done!

Why don't you post the reasons you are leaving him here? Sharing the truth with others makes it more "real" and unavoidable.

Or in RL, to a best friend or therapist.

And no contact. It's really hard at first, but gets surprisingly easy after a few weeks, as your habits change and the addiction wears off.

newsandreviews Tue 11-Mar-14 21:27:26

Just waiting for that addiction to wear off right now.

MsWinnieBaygo Tue 11-Mar-14 21:48:48

If you don't have children or any other shared responsibilities that you need to maintain contact for, block him from every form of contact. Email, Facebook, phone, Whatsapp etc. That way you won't even know about any form of contact/emotional blackmail Nevermind be tempted to respond. It also means you won't be able to contact him unless you unblock him

Your right, it is an addiction, and like with many addictions, cold turkey is the only way to go.

You need to break the cycle at some stage - take one day at a time and the addiction will lessen eventually.

Good luck x

newsandreviews Thu 13-Mar-14 21:47:44

Tougher day today. Many times was very tempted to contact, came soooo close but stayed strong. Long may I continue

LineRunner Thu 13-Mar-14 21:51:40

Stay strong. Hope you are feeling ok and optimistic about a completely different, New future. It will be better thanks

newsandreviews Sat 15-Mar-14 05:36:14

Thanks. Afraid I weakened and made contact via text yesterday. Ah well. I still have no intentions of going back there but I know I'm starting to walk on rocky territory sad

temporarilyjerry Sat 15-Mar-14 05:43:11

Read your list. Have you added about him being shitty to/about your DS. Keep reading. Sending your strength.

Melonbreath Sat 15-Mar-14 06:34:53

Think of him as a drug you have to kick. One day at a time.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 15-Mar-14 07:06:55

If you're enjoying this one-woman drama and you're so lacking in confidence that you think this miserable bugger is the best you can do.... knock yourself out. hmm

louby44 Sat 15-Mar-14 07:16:15

Post on here to us instead of to him.

I've been avoiding my ex as best I can too. It's definitely over for us but we need to communicate because we're (no that's I because he's done fuck all) selling our house.

Whenever he texts me I can feel the anger and bitterness through his words, that gives me the strength to see what an absolute bastard he is!

Stay strong, we are worth more than these idiots!

mammadiggingdeep Sat 15-Mar-14 07:37:25

Remember all the things he's done/said...remember how shit it feels on the end of his crap.

Get angry. Stay angry with him.

Stay away from him. For your ds if not for you.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Sat 15-Mar-14 10:13:37

Just think of your 20 year old DS turning to you, eyes full of disdain, saying to you 'I do pity you, but I can't help hating you for putting that shitbag above my happiness and ruining my childhood.'

Walkacrossthesand Sat 15-Mar-14 10:22:24

Re the parking ticket - if the car is registered to you, you're the one that's legally liable for the parking fine - and since the law changed in their favour in Oct 2012 the parking companies will pursue you through the courts for the money. May be best, if ex doesn't cough up straightaway (which seems unlikely, hmm, to pay it and write it off. That may surprise him too, he may be relying on using it as a way to suck you back in. You've given him up, like a smoker gives up cigs - you'll get cravings, but resist them, distract yourself, move on! No boyfriend is better than crap boyfriend!

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