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new man

(8 Posts)
buggermewhatnext Sun 09-Mar-14 21:03:41

Hi all
recently met a new guy - three months back. He is a nice guy, polite, fit, kind etc.. however yesterday i stayed over at his, all good but I thought we would be spending today or a big part of it together .. well i woke at his around nine he bought me breakie in bed smile all good then we came downstairs I sensced he was keen to play his on line games.. so i said i will pop off and see you later.. he seemed all ok with this.. happy me thinking wil see him later then he calls me sayingg that his mate has called and asked him out for a drink - and that he hasnt seen him for a while- me ah ok you go and have fun.. he said he would contact me and i might still go over. Its nine pm gone now now word at all.. Am a wee bit pissed off what would you all be doing/ feeling??

Logg1e Sun 09-Mar-14 21:09:32

It's early days yet, you're still getting to know each other and friends and non-couple stuff still take a high priority at this stage in my (very distant) experience.

Did you actually tell him that you'd like to spend Sunday lazing around with him?

buggermewhatnext Sun 09-Mar-14 21:19:36

Thanks Logg1e, yes we are still getting to know each other.. i know he has friends to keep in the loop. No I did not say to him we should spend sun lazing together.. It just I have a small daughter and she is at her dads today so I did just assume we would make the most of this.. What has annoyed me is that we made love twice this am- bonus I know ... but I kind of feel that once that was done and dusted it was back to business fo him... not right I am sure..

Cabrinha Sun 09-Mar-14 21:20:36

He never even said he wanted to play online games!
From his point of view, you're the one that buggered off after breakfast.
He had the courtesy to double check with you before saying yes to his mate, when you'd already gone home.

I think this is a case of say what you want, or forfeit any right to expect it.

Next time, if you want to spend time with him EXPECT him to want you more than some bloody computer game!

Sounds to me like you're still too busy trying to be Perfect Undemanding Understanding Easy Going Girlfriend. So that he thinks you're fab.


That's the fast track to unhappiness!

Write off today, next time: expect him to spend time with you and don't offer to leave.

And if he actually does want to play games online instead of be with you - end it.

Logg1e Sun 09-Mar-14 21:30:55

I've said it before, I'll say it again, for years I made myself very miserable and confused by expecting boyfriends to read my mind because I mistakingly believed that if they cared they'd just know what I was thinking and feeling.

buggermewhatnext Sun 09-Mar-14 21:37:30

Thankyou for al your replies smile

Its refreshing to hear these opinions..

loggIe you are right its early days and we both will and should keep friends in the loop.. No I didnt say to hi that yes I would like to spend all sun with you.. however I have a daughter who is at her dads this wkend so it is kind of "our time".. as normally im at work.. I just assumed he would be happy to make the most of the time we had ..

Cabrinha- thanks for your input- I will be more explict with in future .. however I am not trying to be the understanding perfect woman... lol no chance !! it is difficult i guess especially in the beginning of a relationship..

Lavenderhoney Sun 09-Mar-14 21:48:46

Yes, its the not arranging things and assuming he will know by osmosissmile

He won't- you could have said "hey, I'm free all morning Sunday, if you want to go for a walk?" But you didn't and maybe he thought he might as well make plans. For all he knew you didn't because you were busy or just wanted to leave. Its very early in the relationship.

Breakfast in bed and sex? Lucky old yousmile

Recently I had this as a friend assumed I would stay for coffee but it hadn't even occurred to me and although if they had SAID I could have arranged it with the babysitter! And they were all hurt and disappointed- so easily avoided. But that's nerves I think, just in case the other person wants to push offsmile

LyndaCartersBigPants Sun 09-Mar-14 22:45:10

I think that if your days off we few and far between you become accustomed to making the most of them. You plan to be busy or see people that you can't necessarily see when you have the DCs.

If he doesn't have DCs or sees them once a week and doesn't have to be ruthlessly organised the rest of the time then maybe he just doesn't realise how precious that time is to you.

I agree that you need to say what you want and not try to be cool. It may be early days, but after 3 months I'd hope that I was more important than computer games, even though seeing friends should still be an option for you both.

However, if you'd prefer to see your friends on your dc days and spend time with him when you're on your own then make sure he knows this.

I have to point out my dc free day each week to make sure DP knows to make himself available. He wants to see me just as much as I do him, but he doesn't think to plan ahead, he just takes each day as it comes, which I'm sure is all your boyfriends is doing here.

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