Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Advice re an unusual ex situation

(14 Posts)
Hypermutley Sun 09-Mar-14 09:39:50

Used to go out with him when I was 16 it lasted 3 years, he was v possessive and everyone knew that he was infatuated.

7 years later when I visited home town again we rekindled and 3 months after I moved back to London, I ended it. He has a chip on his shoulder that he feels my family is more wealthy than his and I don't respect him because of that which resulted in him playing mind games with me. I wasn't going to put up with that, hence ended it.

I've got married since then, but this didn't stop him from calling and texting several times a year and through FB asking why I'm angry and how I am etc etc. I spoke to him once in 8 years ago when he called to say I was not angry but didn't have much to say to him. He still persisted every year since then and I didn't respond to any of the calls texts or FB messages - he's not a FB friend btw.

Last year, during a difficult period in my marriage, he contacted me again through a iphone app message service and I responded. Stupid I know. The texts were normal friendly at first then he got slightly flirtatious and references to me doing 'really well' in my life. And when I got uncomfortable with where he was taking this, I stopped responding. All of this went on for 2 months Oct/Nov 2013. Just to be clear, I was not being flirtatious with him at all, but I was weak at the time and any attention was welcomed seemingly. He's messaged me since then which I didn't respond to, then on my b'day in Feb I responded by saying thanks for b'day wishes.

It was his b'day yesterday and I got a text last night saying 'what day is it you forgot right, that's ok cool'. I am embarrassed for him that he keeps trying to get in touch when I don't respond but I don't know what to say to him that will stop him forever without hurting him too much. By that I mean, he is a man and I don't want to be a bitch - not that I don't want to hurt him because I have feelings for him. Or do I just keep ignoring?
In the scheme of problems here this is a non-event but I was just wondering if I'm being a cow by not saying anything and just ignoring.

Santaclaws Sun 09-Mar-14 09:46:25

You are married now right?
Just block him from contacting you on FB and change your phone number.
You are not under any obligation to this person, it ended years ago and it's time you both moved on properly by the sound of it

I don't think he would be hurt necessarily, tbh he just sounds controlling and you are allowing that

pictish Sun 09-Mar-14 09:51:22

Persistent little bastard aint he?
You don't owe him anything...fuck him off...and don't respond to him again.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 09-Mar-14 09:51:28

Be honest, you like having this guy doing his faithful lap-dog act so that, when you're a bit bored and in need of an ego-boost, you can yank his chain and know he'll come running..... hmm

Papaluigi Sun 09-Mar-14 09:55:48

So a ex of yours who you keep in touch with via various media remains in contact....I don't see the issue here.

If you want to stop contact then stop contact. If you wnat to remain "friends" , then simply continue to sporadically contact ech other.

It seems to me that perhaps the root issue here is the nature of your relationship with the ex; if you don't want him in your life, as a friend , the get rid, tell him to foxtrot oscar and stop contact.

Hypermutley Sun 09-Mar-14 11:20:09

Thanks, I will ignore his messages. I agree don't owe him anything.

It seems not all mumsnetters have mastered reading and/or comprehension hmm

KellyHopter Sun 09-Mar-14 11:27:51

Worrying about offending someone is often not worrying about them at all but about not wanting that person to think negatively about you.

Agree with Cog.

LoisPuddingLane Sun 09-Mar-14 11:48:13

Get a new phone number. Get a new profile on FB that he can't identify. Get a new email address.

I think that covers it.

Lj8893 Sun 09-Mar-14 12:35:11

Stopping contact with someone is pretty easy to do. Block on fbook, change your number or block his, and ignore. Don't reply in any way.

Pretty simple hey?

hamptoncourt Sun 09-Mar-14 12:38:20

Why haven't you just blocked him?

Hypermutley Sun 09-Mar-14 13:01:34

yes it is, I haven't responded for ages except for the slip in 2013. I've preferred to ignore instead of telling him to fo.

I was just wondering if i should say not to contact me instead of ignoring, because of the my recent mistake of being in contact. otherwise I'm have and content to keep ignoring. I changed my no once and he got it through an acquaintance, and besides i prefer to be in control and ignore instead of run scared (or change my details).

Hypermutley Sun 09-Mar-14 13:02:10

ps and the slip in saying thanks for my b'day wish (before someone else pulls me up on that)

EBearhug Sun 09-Mar-14 13:08:02

I would be open and say, "Please do not contact me again, I don't want to be in touch." I think you might have to allow for a day or two of, "But what have I done wrong? Why don't you want to be in touch?" which I would just ignore. If it carries on after that, I would be very clear about saying, "I have already told you I do not want to be in touch. If you continue trying to contact me, I will be contacting the police about harassment."

I think if you just block him - well, he's been in touch before after long breaks, and you've responded then, so why should he think it's any different this time?

Also, you need to tell your friends and acquaintances they shouldn't pass on your details without clearing it with you first.

springykyrie Sun 09-Mar-14 14:59:22

this is so awkward isn't it. He's clearly obsessed - but bear in mind that the obsession has nothing to do with you (sorry!) but everything to do with him: you are just what he hangs it on.

I'd continue to ignore, even though it makes you feel uncomfortable. It would me but I can't see what else you can do because to have a stand-off is attention of a kind, on which he will probably thrive sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now