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Help me define my dating status!

(24 Posts)
Achica123 Fri 07-Mar-14 15:16:53

SO .... tomorrow is my 4th date with this guy who has been taking things slow. He hasn’t verbalised asking me out yet. We went for a couple of dinners and a movie and I am going for another dinner and a cultural event tomorrow night but I am very confused about what we are at the moment.

Can I assume that we are together or NOT? Shall I ask him about this loud and clear, or shall I leave it to move naturally. I started to like him, but I am the traditional person who likes to be formally asked out.

Can you help with advice please? Not sure what to think or whether I should make any move tomorrow .

HazeltheMcWitch Fri 07-Mar-14 15:18:51

If he hasn't verbalised asking you out, how are you going on dates?
Have you asked him out each time, and he has sadi yes?
If so - how have you asked him - have you referred to a 'date', being interested, etc??

HazeltheMcWitch Fri 07-Mar-14 15:19:03

sadi said

HotDAMNlifeisgood Fri 07-Mar-14 15:20:08

Do you want to make a move? Then make a move.

NoArmaniNoPunani Fri 07-Mar-14 15:22:04

How slow? Have you kissed?

3 date was usually shag night when I was dating

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 07-Mar-14 15:22:41

I don't quite understand the problem. 'Formally asked out' sounds very archaic ... confused Personally, I think if you like someone you should be up-front about what you want rather than tippy-toeing waiting about for them to read your mind. "Faint heart never won fair anything" etc

WhoNickedMyName Fri 07-Mar-14 15:22:53

Where did you meet him and how did you first agree to going out?

Monetbyhimself Fri 07-Mar-14 15:23:55

Have you kissed him or had any physical contact ?

Achica123 Fri 07-Mar-14 15:24:16

@HazeltheMcWitch - that's a good question... I haven't asked him out. We met, he invited me for drinks, then dinner, the dinner again ... I am not if we are dating or not - to me, we are having dinners and spending time socialising ...

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 07-Mar-14 15:28:37

Are you saying that these dinners and drinks are already taking place with other people present and he says something like 'will I see you there?'... in a casual way.

Solve the problem by asking him out perhaps?

Achica123 Fri 07-Mar-14 15:34:23

@CogitoErgoSometimes - nop, dinners are with the two of us only. So, it is not that casual in that sense, and he was the one who asked me for all of them. We were with friends in the first time we met, but the 2 other times it was just the two of us.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 07-Mar-14 15:35:31

Then you're dating...

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 07-Mar-14 15:36:01

Forgive the question, but are you both quite old?

RoganJosh Fri 07-Mar-14 15:37:39

Why does it matter? Are you worried you're just friends? Do you want to know if he might be seeing other people?

If not I wouldn't ask. You're just at the beginning of going out, whatever name you give it.

Achica123 Fri 07-Mar-14 15:38:05

we are both early 30is - so not that old to me ... I haven't dated for a long time though and may be a bit too careful

RoganJosh Fri 07-Mar-14 15:39:07

And I think if you do ask without a reason you might come across as a bit clingy.

Achica123 Fri 07-Mar-14 15:44:45

Exactly. I would freak out if he came across as clingy, so this is something I don't like to come across as. But I also want to know where we are so that I would know how to move forward with him ...

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 07-Mar-14 15:48:32

A bit too careful is an understatement. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think what's missing from this whole set up is any feeling of sexual tension... a bit of flirting or footsie under the table. Do you hold hands over these dinner tables? Kiss goodnight? Anything?

BTW... when I said 'quite old' I actually thought you might be pensioners.

Dirtybadger Fri 07-Mar-14 15:50:32

What do you want to know? You say you want to know if you're "going out". To you, what does that mean? Exclusive? Or do you mean you just want to know if he sees you romantically or if you are going out to dinner, etc, as friends? I can't see a way around asking, if you need to know. But for what its worth it sounds like things will fall into place naturally anyway. How long since your first date, do you talk inbetween, etc?

justiceofthePeas Fri 07-Mar-14 15:53:23

Status= he is someone you are seeing /dating.
You are not a couple.
You could in theory both see other people too.

If you want it to progress and he won't grasp the bull by the horns ooh er you May have to.

You could say e.g. so we have been for dinner x times how/where do you feel this is going?

Achica123 Fri 07-Mar-14 15:57:06

I would like things to fall naturally into place without me having to ask him. I would like to know that he sees me in a romantic way, too. I agree with CogitoErgoSometimes regarding the tension ... I am too careful for sure

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 07-Mar-14 16:01:12

So is there any sexual tension or do you simply sip tea and talk about the weather? Sometimes you have to declare your hand.... Courage!

HotDAMNlifeisgood Fri 07-Mar-14 16:06:38

Just kiss him. (if you think you'd like to kiss him, that is).

taratamara Fri 07-Mar-14 18:01:18

kiss him on the cheek but quite near his mouth wink at the end of your date. Then he can move in as needed or you can. No need to ask him you've not slept together even. You're dating but not exclusive

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