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I could use some advice

(5 Posts)
feelinlucky Fri 07-Mar-14 13:53:54

My ex hasn't seen ds for 5 weeks. He's 11 and it would seem they had an argument and his father hasn't contacted him since. Ex is an incredibly difficult man and has always has a difficult relationship with ds. I've had two calls from his dad the past two nights which I've ignored. Firstly I don't want to put him on the phone to ds and secondly I just don't know what to say to him about his rejection of his son. I knew he would try to contact ds eventually but I think I should speak to him first. Any advice?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 07-Mar-14 13:58:15

Can you contact him via e-mail? It's easier to organise your thoughts in writing than over the phone and there's less risk of emotion blurring the message. I don't know what you want to communicate exactly but.... 'DS is very disappointed as am I that you've not been in touch. Your regular day is <insert day>. Please confirm that you'll be collecting him as normal (or whatever is usual)'

feelinlucky Fri 07-Mar-14 14:04:14

Thanks cog. I don't have an email address. We generally don't communicate. I leave it to ds. Ds used to have a phone but his dad took it off him. I've got him a new one but his dad doesn't have the number. I'm reluctant to just allow him to have contact with ds because he clearly doesn't like ds and ds has been much less anxious since he's had no contact. I think a pre-written and carefully worded text might do the job. There's no point speaking because we only end up arguing. I would much rather not have any contact with him at all but that's not an option is it sad

tipsytrifle Fri 07-Mar-14 14:12:37

he clearly doesn't like ds and ds has been much less anxious since he's had no contact

so are you describing a situation where ds would actually prefer to cease visitation with his father? I think at 11yrs old son has an independent right to decide if he wants contact or not?

Why was ds' first phone taken by his father?

feelinlucky Fri 07-Mar-14 14:31:39

Thanks tipsy, he loves his dad, as children do but his father is a very mixed up man. I don't know why he took the phone. I'll speak to ds tonight and see what he says. I've arranged for ds to go for counselling and I wonder if joint counselling with his dad might be something we could consider at some point.

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